Thread by @AletheiaAtheos

You know what happens when you live in deep poverty (living for <4k/y) and feeling like you have no way out because you're undocumented?
My social anxiety became worse due to inability to get out and hang out much, no money/transport to go out and can't go to bar/etc due to no ID

After a decade, you stop caring for about your own life, even though you might still think the world is amazing and you still want to experience everything became because the pain sometimes overcome the fun of life!
Half of your time gets spent trying escaping from dark thoughts

Ppl say 'go to therapist', but you don't get 'poor people discount' when you're undocumented. Not having travel options and money means you can't go much other than a handful of times.
One of the them asked if I was undocumented and threatened to report me if I was undocumented

Even once your life get sorted out (you become resident/etc), you have lost over a decade of your life, feeling guilt over the amount of time you've wasted unable to do anything.... and you get leftover baggage from it. XD

Still, life is fun, and it's worth keeping up w/.

Idk how people get bored of ramen/etc. That was the least I was concerned about, lmao. I was paranoid about health, so I did buy/eat peas/carrots/beans/etc even with ramen.
Ramen, chili, rice, etc were still pretty good food and relatively healthy if you eat enough protein/vegs.

The bad part is that, when you play with detachment a lot (not a healthy way to cope), it kinda sometimes mess with your ability to feel.
Part of you is filled with apathy because it knows that everything are so messed up.
Health-wise, a lot of preventative stuff gets skipped...

And that kind of life also lead to bad behaviors.
I wasted money on things I don't need to cope, and then felt guilty so I spend less on food.
There was a phase where I buy a $8 lunch box+rice from chinese food places, and ate it in 2-3 days.
ps: you could microwave ramen in 6m.

Your productivity start to degrade. I used to be able to try to work or try to make money online almost 24/7 except when I was sleeping.... But it gets much harder to focus after you don't seem to get anywhere by trying for so long.
It ruins productivity and morale.

But whatever, I'll slowly get over all this baggage/etc and be a productive member of society again and get my life sorted out. :)

ps: 'need' is such a relative term. Those things that I "didn't need" helped me to cope and manage. Without them, I might have given up. Had a phase where the dark thoughts was pretty bad and I've had to rely on sleep aid to keep me from doing some things.

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