Profile picture
Patrick McKenzie
@patio11
, 4 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
Oh these are some quality poems from an old folks’ home, with winking humor:

I’ve always had a thing for older men
Such a pity then
That they’re all dead.
3 hours at hospital.
The diagnosis?
“You’re old.”
Can’t find ink and paper
While looking for them
Forgot my poem.
Grandkid asked for my address.
Told them my address.
They didn’t mean my address.
Missing some Tweet in this thread?
You can try to force a refresh.

Like this thread? Get email updates or save it to PDF!

Subscribe to Patrick McKenzie
Profile picture

Get real-time email alerts when new unrolls are available from this author!

This content may be removed anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @patio11 see all

Profile picture
Patrick McKenzie
@patio11
Can I sing the praises of ice water with fruit in it as a business innovation? This is one of those minor magical marvels.
Water is healthy compared to almost anything else people drink. The fruit adds a tiny bit of taste, functionally no positive or negative nutritional impact, but *crucially* it makes people value the water above their standard anchoring for water, which is "abundant and free."
If you were preparing this at home it would be a slog, so you don't do it unless you have people to do it.

But preparing it in quantity is *extremely* easy, and if you have people (like a business does), literally anyone can make a day's worth of it in early morning downtime.
Read 10 tweets
Profile picture
Patrick McKenzie
@patio11
If you haven't been following along, there has been some continuous motion towards Bitfinex having, let me phrase this delicately, catastrophic levels of adversarial attention in an official proceeding.

Here's the latest fun document: iapps.courts.state.ny.us/nyscef/ViewDoc…
A fun paragraph in that fun document about a fun series of legal proceedings.
(The engineer and business owner in me note that there are ways for one to have data "at your fingertips" and still have the production of that data be ruinously expensive or disruptive, but pragmatically speaking, you can't sit at the adults' table and say Compliance Is Hard.)
Read 3 tweets
Profile picture
Patrick McKenzie
@patio11
It is not other people’s job, in most cases, to know consequential facts about you / your offering, and so if you want them to know and remember those things you will have to repeat them *much much more than is natural or comfortable.*
There are people who know me professionally who on meeting me for the first time express surprise I have ever been to Japan, where I have lived continuously for my entire 15 year career.

Someone will learn I work at Stripe from this tweet, I guarantee it.
I have had at least three meetings this year where half an hour in someone realized that they have been reading my blog, in some cases for years, without realizing that I also have a physical form that could strictly hypothetically be in a meeting with them.
Read 4 tweets

Related threads

Profile picture
💚 V
@oozygil
[Thread of how Fate stans be for their faves]
[ Ozymandias Stans ]

• Probably likes Dio from Jojo
• Horny
• Has pets
• "GOD I WISH I WAS DICKING THE PHARAOH TONIGHT I JUST WANT HIS SUNNY DICK"
• Love Nefertari and/or Moses too
• Never has Ozymandias as their icon
• Stans Arthur or Gilgamesh too
• Is gay
[ Gilgamesh Stans ]

• Shit talks Gilgamesh
• Proceeds to thirst for his dick immediately after
• "READ FATE/STRANGE FAKE"
• Fate/Zero is their fave anime
• Always a chibi Gilgamesh icon
• Ships either gilkidu, ozygil, kotogil
• Kogil is their son
• Wants to die
• Gay
Read 107 tweets
Profile picture
T. Greg Doucette
@greg_doucette
Texas's anti-SLAPP statute requires the judge to enter an order for the loser to pay the winner's attorney fees. It's not optional.

TCPA §27.009(a)

Twitter says you've @'d me 78 times since 6/11, with 20+ of them in just the past few hours

This seems like a pot-kettle moment for you

Definitely a reasonable assumption. Given Screech's perpetual word vomit on YouTube, there are likely some things he'll authenticate that would help on the merits of the TCPA motion too

Read 1582 tweets
Profile picture
Himmmm
@TheHimmmm
BLIND ITEM: Before this actress was a "desperate housewife" she was a very hungry young actress. Very young. A new teen to be exact. An A-list older actor (movies & TV but known more for his iconic TV role) was dating her mom. She often tried to tempt him in her budding years.
Thankfully, he had enough sense to ignore it and refuse it. His weaknesses were gambling and being involved with mobsters (to whom he owed money). The teen wanted to be a famous actress. Her mom encouraged her to use her "young womanhood" to secure roles. Not a great mom.
When the older actor was away on location, he came home to catch the barely teen girl in bed...with TWO older men. Two wannabe producers. They got beaten up & bounced hard from the house, and she nearly did too. Day in day out she tempted the actor. He refused & her mom laughed.
Read 14 tweets
Profile picture
Marc Morris
@Longshanks1307
So I just re-watched the classic Simpsons episode ‘Bart Gets An Elephant’. It is 25 years old, but a parable for our times. [thread]

Bart wins a radio station phone-in and is given a binary choice: $10,000 in cash or a full grown African elephant.

Bart chooses the elephant.
The radio people are shocked. No one was supposed to pick the elephant. There is no elephant.

So they try to negotiate (‘We think we know how your mind works, Bart’) and offer other alternatives which are equally stupid, but less costly and destructive.
These include paying the $10,000 dollars to Bart’s school principal, who agrees to pull his trousers down for a whole term, or using the money to surgically transform the principal into ‘some kind of lobster-like creature’.
Read 11 tweets
Profile picture
Roscoe B Davis🎖⭐️⭐️⭐️
@RoscoeBDavis1
Here's @RepJerryNadler in full hypocrisy mode on report redactions.

Full credit to @MrM1S for the video clip (follow this guy)

Focus people on the content not the fat jokes

@seanhannity @seanmdav @realDonaldTrump @RealJamesWoods @JesseBWatters @greggutfeld
@RepJerryNadler @MrM1S @seanhannity @seanmdav @realDonaldTrump @RealJamesWoods @JesseBWatters @greggutfeld Nadler has started his circus this morning trying to force Bill Barr to break the law. He's going against his argument he made in the prior video I posted, and he is leading his argument with rules under "Independent Counsel."
@RepJerryNadler @MrM1S @seanhannity @seanmdav @realDonaldTrump @RealJamesWoods @JesseBWatters @greggutfeld When most people think of the position, they probably think of Ken Starr and his long investigation into Clinton, which eventually resulted in a Congressional impeachment trial.
Read 47 tweets
Profile picture
Ilhan Omar
@IlhanMN
Home
no one leaves home unless home chases you
fire under feet
hot blood in your belly
it’s not something you ever thought of doing
until the blade burnt threats into
your neck
and even then you carried the anthem under
your breath

#home #warsanshire #poems
#WhereAreTheChildren
only tearing up your passport in an airport toilets
sobbing as each mouthful of paper
made it clear that you wouldn’t be going back.

you have to understand,
that no one puts their children in a boat
unless the water is safer than the land
no one burns their palms
under trains
beneath carriages
no one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck
feeding on newspaper unless the miles travelled
means something more than journey.
no one crawls under fences
no one wants to be beaten
pitied
Read 8 tweets

Trending hashtags

#BOOM #dead #tarotreading #fuck #FearTheBeard #Threadnought #honra #ThreadnoughtBingo #Military #evergreen #priorities #HowEmbarrassing #yikes #GelsonMartins #HoboLawyer #ISWVBingo #MinistérioPúblico #PauloGalvãoAndré #Podence #old #Caixa2doBolsonaro #LaAlameda #GifMignogna #LOLwut #Medicine
Follow Us on Twitter!

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3.00/month or $30.00/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!