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I want to make a case for why transactional relationships can be a good thing, even refreshing.
Typical complaints about transactional relationships:
That they're meaningless, dehumanizing, alienating, reductive, narrow-minded, selfish, “icky”.
Typical complaints about transactional relationships:
That they're meaningless, dehumanizing, alienating, reductive, narrow-minded, selfish, “icky”.
Transactional relationships promote professionalism & exclude personal life.
ie the systemic relationship btw 2 ppl is separate from the personal relationship btw them.
If “authenticity” means merging private & public selves, transactional is “inauthentic”.
It’s just business.
ie the systemic relationship btw 2 ppl is separate from the personal relationship btw them.
If “authenticity” means merging private & public selves, transactional is “inauthentic”.
It’s just business.
Assumptions behind criticisms:
1/ Authenticity is more *meaningful*
2/ It’s also more *effective* — the deeper we can personally relate, the better we can professionally collaborate
3/ Work is meaningless & selfish, ^ to see me only in a work capacity is to reduce / dehumanize
1/ Authenticity is more *meaningful*
2/ It’s also more *effective* — the deeper we can personally relate, the better we can professionally collaborate
3/ Work is meaningless & selfish, ^ to see me only in a work capacity is to reduce / dehumanize
TLDR responses:
“Authenticity” isn’t evidently more meaningful or effective.
Clearly romantic relationships complicate professional relationships — we may want other boundaries
Work is meaningful — “transactional relationships” can serve a purpose bigger than your feelings.
“Authenticity” isn’t evidently more meaningful or effective.
Clearly romantic relationships complicate professional relationships — we may want other boundaries
Work is meaningful — “transactional relationships” can serve a purpose bigger than your feelings.
Furthermore, I’d argue that transactional relationships help make SV work.
Of course, on its own, it also leaves people lonely.
We conflate friends w/ acquaintance & thus end up w/ neither.
The answer isn’t to merge professional/personal, it’s to get best friends.
Even one.
Of course, on its own, it also leaves people lonely.
We conflate friends w/ acquaintance & thus end up w/ neither.
The answer isn’t to merge professional/personal, it’s to get best friends.
Even one.
The error we’re making is confusing communal & systemic mode
Communal mode is tribal living. It intuitively makes sense, but doesn’t work at scale
Systemic mode is capitalism. It feeds 1b people & helps us live til 80, but, on its own, isn’t fulfilling
Communal mode is tribal living. It intuitively makes sense, but doesn’t work at scale
Systemic mode is capitalism. It feeds 1b people & helps us live til 80, but, on its own, isn’t fulfilling
This confusion has history.
In the 1960s, monism—all is one— emerged as a counterculture movement in response to excessive dualism of industrial & victorian eras.
It tried to remove all our boundaries — personal, professional, political, etc
In the 1960s, monism—all is one— emerged as a counterculture movement in response to excessive dualism of industrial & victorian eras.
It tried to remove all our boundaries — personal, professional, political, etc
This confusion also isn’t unfounded.
It was reasonable, after all, to compare your employer to your family - you spent your whole life w/ them.
Careers have changed, of course
Communities die from creative destruction, states & countries die without it
It was reasonable, after all, to compare your employer to your family - you spent your whole life w/ them.
Careers have changed, of course
Communities die from creative destruction, states & countries die without it
The truth is you can’t know 8 billion people deeply. We’re not wired for it.
It’s *exhausting* to think that every meeting can turn into you talking about your family or your romantic relationships.
As we’ve seen with romantic boundaries/norms, emotional ones can be helpful too
It’s *exhausting* to think that every meeting can turn into you talking about your family or your romantic relationships.
As we’ve seen with romantic boundaries/norms, emotional ones can be helpful too
We’re wired to know tribes of 150 deeply, not 8 billion.
Human love & compassion is amazing for intimate relationships, but doesn’t scale on its own
You know what helps it scale, what enables us to coordinate w/ billions of people?
Transactional relationships
Human love & compassion is amazing for intimate relationships, but doesn’t scale on its own
You know what helps it scale, what enables us to coordinate w/ billions of people?
Transactional relationships
Spoke to someone in Paris who used to live in SF.
“In SF you can come once a year & do deals w/ everyone as though you live there
“In Paris you have to meet w/ that person monthly for yrs before you can bring up business”
In SF we call this “frictionless” or “meritocratic”
“In SF you can come once a year & do deals w/ everyone as though you live there
“In Paris you have to meet w/ that person monthly for yrs before you can bring up business”
In SF we call this “frictionless” or “meritocratic”
The good thing about meritocracy as it relates to economic growth is that it’s all about merit.
Anyone can make it.
The tough thing about meritocracy as it relates to friendships is that it’s all about merit.
Consistently being evaluated, or “earning” friendship, is exhausting
Anyone can make it.
The tough thing about meritocracy as it relates to friendships is that it’s all about merit.
Consistently being evaluated, or “earning” friendship, is exhausting
You want to be able to fire your colleague for bad performance
You want your family & best friends to love you unconditionally, + not fire you
The output there is the relationship itself
Not to say these are mutually exclusive, but when you confuse the 2 you risk losing both.
You want your family & best friends to love you unconditionally, + not fire you
The output there is the relationship itself
Not to say these are mutually exclusive, but when you confuse the 2 you risk losing both.
Now that I’ve addressed first two points, let’s address capitalism POV.
Some people feel capitalism isn’t meaningful, bc, when producer & consumer are separated, the connection is different.
Ppl say sometimes: “I know I’m having an impact, but I want to feel it more directly!"
Some people feel capitalism isn’t meaningful, bc, when producer & consumer are separated, the connection is different.
Ppl say sometimes: “I know I’m having an impact, but I want to feel it more directly!"
Thought experiment, replace “deals” with “community service”
“He doesn’t want to get to know me as a person. All he wants to talk about is community service”
“Stop launching into volunteer details—ask me about me”
Weird, right? You wouldn’t say this.
“He doesn’t want to get to know me as a person. All he wants to talk about is community service”
“Stop launching into volunteer details—ask me about me”
Weird, right? You wouldn’t say this.
If you don’t believe in capitalism, you’ll believe you’re a “cog in the machine”
If you do believe in capitalism, then you’ll think small talk is tiring & also a waste of time
You’ll buy that you’re a part of something way bigger than your personal ass.
If you do believe in capitalism, then you’ll think small talk is tiring & also a waste of time
You’ll buy that you’re a part of something way bigger than your personal ass.
This doesn’t mean that colleagues shouldn’t care about your personal life, or you shouldn’t make friends at work
It means we shouldn’t stigmatize transactional relationships
We’ve course corrected so much that it’s at the opposite-to be professional is to be square or tone-deaf
It means we shouldn’t stigmatize transactional relationships
We’ve course corrected so much that it’s at the opposite-to be professional is to be square or tone-deaf
The more you feel OK having some “transactional” I.e “professional” relationships
- The more business you’ll be able to do
- The more secure you’ll feel doing so
- The less drama you’ll have.
- The more you’ll be able to contribute to something bigger than yourself
- The more business you’ll be able to do
- The more secure you’ll feel doing so
- The less drama you’ll have.
- The more you’ll be able to contribute to something bigger than yourself
Having work friends is great—It adds new levels of depth & trust
This tweet isn’t saying to avoid work friends, it’s saying don’t feel pressure to force them
Also: Be OK reaching out to people for transactional meetings.
This tweet isn’t saying to avoid work friends, it’s saying don’t feel pressure to force them
Also: Be OK reaching out to people for transactional meetings.
I have friends who are colleagues, and vice versa.
Just like I don’t need my friendships to engage in my work life, I also don’t feel pressure to turn every work dynamic into a best friendship.
While there is richness in fusing, not everything has to be fused.
Just like I don’t need my friendships to engage in my work life, I also don’t feel pressure to turn every work dynamic into a best friendship.
While there is richness in fusing, not everything has to be fused.
In conclusion: Have your own communities AND have some transactional relationships
Pair a frictionless/meritocratic business culture w/ a fraternal/authentic community culture
Keep your tribal POV out of my markets, + your market POV out of my tribes
Pair a frictionless/meritocratic business culture w/ a fraternal/authentic community culture
Keep your tribal POV out of my markets, + your market POV out of my tribes
