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David Burge
@iowahawkblog
, 5 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
Please retire this joke, it stopped being funny after the 10,000th time I heard it, circa 1985
Look, I enjoy the occasional playful dig at our Cornhusker brethren, but believe me I've heard this one before
twitter.com/search?q=to%3A…
Not to mention the ever-devastating classic "iDiOTs ouT wALking aRouND hrrr durr" kneeslapper people think I've never heard before

twitter.com/search?q=to%3A…
And yes, trust me, I am aware that the reason that the trees in your state lean to an ordinal direction is because the nearest adjacent state in said direction sucks, and the nearest adjacent state in the opposite direction blows.
I'm not quite sure how I my timeline became an audition room for aspiring insult comics, but don't call me, I'll call you
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David Burge
@iowahawkblog
Today's #GloomyDave forecast: The 1869 National Champions are back, as undefeated Rutgers flummoxes Iowa with confusing trick offense based on the New Jersey highway system

Hawkeyes 3
Scarlet Sopranos 49
Odd factlet: Iowa and Rutgers played a football game for the first time in 2016. Iowa played at least 1 game against every team in the Pac 12 before they played against every team in the Big 10.
yeah, just try to X & O your way out of this, Ferentz
Read 3 tweets
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David Burge
@iowahawkblog
1940-ish Chevy or GMC pickup cab on homebuilt square tube frame with Chev or GMC 6 banger and 1 ton dually wheels. Also: Mamas don't let your babies grow up to build rat rods #DavesCarIDService
I've seen rat rods you people wouldn't believe. Exhaust on fire under the bumper of a 53 Nash. I watched spider web grilles glitter on a stick welded chassis. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

If you will allow me a little history lecture: about 25 years ago a bunch of younger hot rod guys got sick of the ever-more high tech hot rod trend (billet aluminum, digital dashes etc) and began a back-to-tradition movement to resurrect 30s-60s style hot rods & customs
Read 11 tweets
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David Burge
@iowahawkblog
Just followin' the tour from town to town man, selling tie-dye MAGA hats and acid from the back of the van
wsj.com/articles/its-k…
Trumpin' got my chips cashed in. Just Trumpin', like the orange man
Together, more or less in line, just keep Trumpin' on
Another thing Dead Heads and Trump Heads have in common: I don't want to be around either of them
Read 3 tweets

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Quinn Cummings
@quinncy
Also, the "What's the difference between an agent and a manager" joke makes me laugh every damn time because VIRTUALLY NO ONE KNOWS.
(I know. If anyone gives a warmish crap, I will explain it)
Cool. I'll try to keep this short. If you want more, google "MCA Universal Decca."

A talent agency must be licensed by the state which puts it under certain statues and laws but also provides protections. If you're REALLY bored, I offer you this:

dir.ca.gov/dlse/Talent/Ta…
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⏳╰☆💕☆𝓡𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓪☆💕☆╮⏳
@40_Ronda
Americans are once again allowing the Republican and Democrat party divide us over race, when in fact race is not the issue! Please look at the foreign policies these woman support, and the policies they do not support! This is not about race & we must address the real issues!
@AyannaPressley, @RashidaTlaib, @IlhanMN, @AOC.

I ask for Americans to please look at the human policies these woman are addressing. I ask Americans to actually research the US Foreign Policy that causes massive Refugees and Endless War.
I ask Americans to look at who is funding the election campaigns of their representatives. I ask Americans to question why we are continously at war, when it does not benefit the United States! I ask Americans to research the foreign influence that controls US policy!
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viper 🐍 • @RealitiesZine
@sheithpocalypse
matt drops shiro off at a fancy hotel on the night of the 27th with a keycard and a room number for all explanation.
"have fun" he says with a wink, and shiro's instantly wary. "happy birthday, bud"
and with that and a pat to shiro's back, he's gone.
matt is already a force to be reckoned with at all times.
on special occasions such as christmas or, as is the case, birthdays, he's downright terrifying. shiro's had enough experience with his antics by now to know that he should absolutely fear the consequences of matt's ideas.
it's not that shiro isn't just as big an idiot, but he's more a bad puns and dorky humor kind of idiot.
matt is the crazy, reckless friend with all the wild, questionable ideas and a best man complex the size of the goddamn moon,
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Daniel Silvermint
@DSilvermint
I’ve never witnessed anything quite like Seattle grocery stores when locals are preparing to brave 4-5 inches of snow.
Like, people are stocking up on emergency tomatoes and leaving water jugs on the shelves.
People are buying gardening shovels in droves.
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FaceTheCuban© SirLRO🎈{Interactive}
@FaceTheCuban
...#Positivity is in each & everyone of us. Let it flow more often, makes a better day. #SirLRO
...#Positivity ~none said it was easy, all you have to do is one step at a time. I know you can, keep going. #SirLRO
~ #Positivity there is no need for deprecating others with words, when it calls for~there is a need for compassion, it’s in you, #SirLRO
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Mr. Azam
@mrazamtweet
#b Excellence is overrated, competence is underrated.
Competence is knowing what to do in a situation and how to do it. It is not the same as excellence.
Excellence is dependent on other people, like judges, examiners, teachers, assessors, inspectors, auditors. But we can't control these people and whether they think we're excellent or not.
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