Thread by @OSPyoutube

Okay guys, I need to be awake at 4 AM tomorrow to catch a flight, but I normally go to bed at 3 AM, so I'm struggling a little bit to get to bed so early, and I feel like what I really need right now is a nice, relaxing terrible movie to lull me to sleep. Suggestions? -R

For the record the last time I stayed up and slept on the plane I was basically a zombie until I checked into my hotel, immediately threw up my dubious airport breakfast and passed out for eight hours. I'm not doing that again, I've got social commitments I can't be a dead for -R

ALLLL RIGHTY let's LIGHTNING ROUND this shit -R

okay guys I'm actually going to cheat here because Warcraft and Camelot were neck and neck the whole time and Warcraft is 35 minutes longer in runtime, and I am at least TRYING to sleep soon -R

so let's watch this horrifying disney knockoff~ -R

I've watched this movie once before and literally all I remember is there's a two-headed dragon and a cartoonishly evil-looking man -R

hey kids! let's play "spot the villain" -R

"okay so everyone else in this movie has a face we traced from Little Mermaid, and our villain looks like a shaved gorilla"
"MAKE HIM EVILER"
"…with a receding hairline?"
"EVILER"
"dark purple eyebags"
"EEEEVILER"
"cockney accent"
"LITTLE MORE"
"and he bites his nails"
"PERFECT"

dare I ask why they even HAD a self-centered, power-hungry, obviously evil man as a knight of the round table? -R

This movie has had two songs so far but they're so forgettable, and also I'm so distracted by the fact that the main character looks exactly like Belle
Also the movie hasn't addressed if it's cool for girls to be knights? Her father just told her "when you're older"
-R

can't believe the kingdom has a dedicated "excalibur has been stolen" horn -R

The villain is GARY OLDMAN?! What did they DO to him? We could've had a Lord Sheng performance and instead we got this hammy nonsense -R

okay who's responsible for the music in this movie because it's SO bad

it's like, it sounds like they're making it up as they go, it hardly rhymes, its rhythm is inconsistent, it's just exposition set to a wandering melody I DON'T GET IT

-R

The blind guy is pretty cool (being the Dread Pirate Roberts helps) although he suffers from a serious case of "exclusively has a combative personality to provoke Cute Romantic Banter with the love interest"-itis -R

But his singing voice is DISTRACTINGLY DIFFERENT FROM HIS SPEAKING VOICE and he slips into it MID-SENTENCE WHY IS THIS MOVIE LIKE THIS -R

"I want your help finding excalibur"
"No"
"Please"
*extended musical number saying "no"*
"But please though"
"Oh all right"

Okay but the thirty seconds of Kaylie blithely walking through the forest like "this is so easy I don't know why you were making such a fuss" while the blind guy desperately stops the forest from eating her while she's fully oblivious to the danger is genuinely very funny -R

"Well… frankly we're the reason cousins shouldn't marry"
I'm sorry, this two-headed dragon is explicitly an incest baby? Why would they DO that -R

oh good another song -R

is this allowed?? -R

honestly the biggest problem I have with this movie right now is blind-guy's personality is "cranky loner" and kaylie's personality is "conveniently wants to accomplish the main plot and is also generically friendly" and this is such an empty dynamic to center the story on -R

Okay, Kaylie's dad training blind-guy to be a knight is neat, and her dad believing both of them could be knights despithe the odds is a pretty cool thing for them to bond over, but they STILL HAVEN'T ESTABLISHED IF KAYLIE BEING A LADY KNIGHT IS TRANSGRESSIVE IN THIS SOCIETY -R

"Nobody can stop Ruber's plan to take over camelot!"
"You don't know my daughter."
Cool line lady but I don't know your daughter either because she has no consistent personality, area of expertise or interesting character traits
-R

"we've done nothing but argue and disagree since we met less than a day ago, but now we're in love and it's DUET TIME" -R

ah yes, I forgot the best line in cinematic history - "the ogre's butt" -R

this movie is a national treasure -R

gareth checked the timestamp on the movie and realized it's the start of act 3 so he needs to have a character crisis and leave -R

the dragon just made out with himself. why does this movie exist -R

Kaylie's the nominal main character and all she ever wanted was personal autonomy and to be a badass knight, so it's kind of ironic (read: bad writing) that she's the damsel in distress for the finale for gareth and the sidekick menagerie to rescue -R

there have been three airplane jokes in this movie so far, which is three too many for a pseudo-medieval story -R

they just used the entire superman theme, is THAT allowed?? -R

One hour and twelve minutes into the movie, Kaylie does her first Moderately Cool Thing by yelling "I will not serve a false king" and hitting ruber in the face with a beam. Round of applause -R

cool so ruber plugged excalibur back into the stone, it had assorted magical consequences and then he exploded. Kinda cool they both got knighted in the end, kinda weird they put Kaylie in a sparkly evening gown for her knighting -R

sinners are punished in their next life by being reincarnated as shoddily-animated background characters in knockoff disney movies -R

they're riding a horse together with a "just knighted" placard on the butt. it's like a joke from shrek played completely straight -R

I've definitely watched WORSE movies but I've probably never watched one quite so CONFUSINGLY bad -R