Thread by @OSPyoutube

oh HELL yeah, this is gonna SUCK -R

Well, this intro animation with bonus exposition is inoffensive enough -R

This movie came out after the other color lantern corps were established in the comics so I'll be disappointed if we only get yellow and green with no hints of the other corps -R

oh hey paralax -R

For all the dumb things in this movie yet to come, I will say I can't think of a better way to establish Hal Jordan as "the man without fear" than to have his beloved father die in a test flight and immediately decide that's the career for him -R

For the record he hasn't even died yet I'm just cold reading -R

I don't know who this "Hector" is because I haven't read the comics but I like how the default supervillain origin with this dynamic is "daddy issues due to father liking son's best friend more than son" - they did it with Harry Osborn in spectacular spider-man too -R

Pretty sure I stole this plane in GTA five about 17 times, and I also blew it up every time -R

But in my defense, I at least got it more than 5 feet off the ground before I caught fire, so I seem to be doing better than Mr. Jordan here -R

What was with the 2010s and reimagining supervillains as evil space farts? Galactus was bad enough -R

Yooooo Clancy Brown, I knew parallax sounded too good for this movie -R

Okay, "man without fear" and "man without personal responsibility or safe driving practices" are NOT the same thing, although if they're trying to convince me that Hal Jordan is not worthy of a power ring right now they're doing a good job -R

"Ferris test Sapphire"! Carol's code name is a reference to her Star Sapphire persona! I don't hate it! -R

Okay, Hal intentionally stalling his own engine to take out the robo-planes was cool, Hal having a prolongued flashback to his dad exploding - which we saw less than ten minutes ago - is less cool -R

wow I can't believe playing renegade and blowing up three state-of-the-art planes got hal fired, protagonists usually only pull that stuff because they can get away with it consequence-free -R

I feel like the issue I'm having here is that the primary conflict in Hal's life is that he's fearless - reckless - and by endangering himself he freaks out his loved ones. NONE of this will be improved by becoming a superhero. -R

I feel like there's another problem, which is the fact that these days the moral "courage is not the absence of fear, it's acting in spite of it" is pretty much unilaterally excepted, but it's also kind of antithetical to how green lanterns work… -R

Hal just got kidnapped by a bubble and dumped in a puddle, and judging by the fact that it's suddenly night, I can only assume he's been flown several timezones away. Pretty sudden -R

Okay it's legitimately hilarious that Hal's reaction to an alien stranger dying in his arms is "Hey, c'mon, no, don't do that" -R

Oh so he flew far enough in seconds that the time of day was different, but his friend tom could drive out to pick him up, sure, that's fine -R

WAIT IS THAT ACTUALLY TAIKA WAITITI -R

Okay, no lie, aside from the poorly-mapped CGI suits that visibly shift whenever the "wearer" moves, most of the visuals so far are pretty good -R

Oh hey, Amanda Waller! I see movies are still making you a slender supermodel for no reason -R

Okay, hal trying and failing to figure out the lantern oath is pretty funny, kinda wish "by the power of grayskull" HAD worked -R

Poor Hector. Being a nerdy introvert as a child is basically a death sentence in a superhero movie, so now of course he's a weirdo shut-in with a fetish for aliens - such is the fate of ALL former besties who don't get the girl, and other bad lessons from story tropes~ -R

Wait I wasn't paying attention and suddenly Hal's getting the shit kicked out of him in a parking lot by three former coworkers -R

Pretty… interesting… that a ring whose powers are entirely fueled by willpower and intense concentration… can go cartoonishly haywire and act without its user's intent… -R

Oh, the mask is bad. The mask is BAD. Why did they make his irises so pale but keep the pupil visible? That is the CREEPIEST way you can make an eye look! WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST MAKE THE EYES GLOW GREEN OR SOLID WHITE I DON'T UNDERSTAND -R

All right, I like that they didn't draw out Hal learning to fly with the ring. There was an easy tedious setup from his "I'm bad at everything except flying" line earlier so I'm glad he's actually still good at flying -R

Oh dicks, is this gonna be a training montage? I'm already bored with the exposition and I don't see this getting more interesting with a "hal fails until he succeeds" montage -R

KILOWOG WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU WHY IS HE A CAVE TROLL
ALSO IF HAL'S WILL IS SO LAME WHY WAS HE EVEN CHOSEN
-R

Is hal a man without fear or isn't he? The movie and sinestro have decided he has a serious fear problem - which, considering future events, is a slightly weird choice to make sinestro mister mcfearless -R

I can't blame the students for tuning out Hector when he's just wandering around muttering to himself instead of projecting his voice like a proper lecturer -R

Hector's blood under the microscope is turning yellow, but I think the bigger problem is that his red blood cells appear almost perfectly spherical, which can't possibly be healthy -R

Huh, Hector is mad at his dad for using nepotism to get him a job, because it confirms what his new psychic powers are picking up – that his dad is embarrassed by him and feels that he's a failure, so he's using nepotism to "fix" it. Surprisingly nuanced for a villain origin -R

Ohhh, parallax was one of the lil blue guys before he got all yellow'd up. Feels like the guardians should've, like… tried literally any other color first. I seem to recall in the show, Blue Lanterns could power up Green Lanterns with hope - would've been a better start -R

Okay, I promise - I PROMISE that this woman is wearing a dress. I have NO explanation for why the camera insisted, for nearly a FULL MINUTE, on framing the shot to completely avoid showing the dress. Especially since the scene STARTS with HAL COMPLIMENTING THE DRESS -R

Script: okay so we lead with hal complinenting carol on the dress
Director: and we frame the shot so she looks naked, right?
Script: wh- why would we do that
Director: gonna make her look SO naked
Script: stop that! wide shot!
Director: k but on the next close shot - naked again

hal's brilliant plan to save the crashing helicopter was… making it a big hot wheels car… and giving it a big hot wheels track… which feels like not the simplest option… but it was a cool hero moment so okay… -R

ahh, my old enemy trope - "superhero uses superhero identity to pursue civilian-identity love interest"
closely followed by a welcome subversion, "I've known you my whole life! I've seen you naked! You think I wouldn't recognize you because I can't see your cheekbones?!"

-R

Okay it's sweet that they're getting on so well and I like this theme of "maybe don't give up on everything as soon as it gets difficult hal" but I am now distracted by the disturbing cgi suit, it's so terrible in motion -R

hector is looking fuuuuuucked -R

how are there still forty minutes in this movie -R

okay but how did hal learn about hector going all carrie in the secret evil lab? just because he's a superhero now doesn't mean he gets a where-does-the-plot-need-me sense -R

This movie is basically an hour and a half refusal of the call, although I respect that the crux of the issue IS that hal isn't actually fearless but feels he HAS to be. That's actually a good core for this story - another hero origin where the hero accepts having emotions -R

maybe… the real parallax… was the toxic masculinity we overcame along the way…… -R

Well I wasn't expecting a movie about a Man Without Fear to have the "courage is not the absence of fear" moral but I dig it tbh -R

Oh great Hector kidnapped Carol because he's mad Carol was so into Chad Hal and didn't give A Few Millimeters Of Bone Hector the time of day -R

Pretty cool Hal responded by giving Hector something to level the perceived playing field and then told him to "let HER make the choice", guess the ring only chooses those who drink their respecting women juice -R

Dang, Carol is PROACTIVE in this finale - hitting Parallax with missiles and tossing Hal the ring is pretty good for someone who was full-on damseled under two minutes ago -R

Okay but Hal barely holding onto his shield while muttering the green lantern oath as Parallax enumerates all the many ways he'll fail and die horribly is a damn good character moment -R

Why do heroes in space fights always throw satellites?? Those are so expensive! There's bigger, hardier space junk in our orbit! You're taking out AT&T for half of north america just to hit a bad guy slightly harder! -R

Jets? Gatling guns? Dumb! Too complicated! Hal should know to just default to the tried and true Giant Energy Punch, which works every time and is also Just Plain Goofy -R

Movie's ending. This feels a bit like… half a decent superhero movie scraped over a two-hour runtime -R

The middle hour and a half of this movie was pretty boring, but I've seen worse. I think the problem is there's not enough holding it together – it's essentially forgettable because the decent bits are connected by such flimsy material. Not inherently bad, just… insubstantial -R

Like, there's so much stuff that, in hindsight, went nowhere. Hal's extended family! That nephew! His mom looking haunted that he nearly died the same way his dad did! TOM THE TECH GUY SIDEKICK! Fish-lantern just exposited! Kilowog only had one scene! Nothing got connected! -R

it's a little hard to pin down what exactly didn't work here, since I've already forgotten 95% of this movie -R

Highlights:
-Carol recognizes Hal instantly
-Hal recites the green lantern oath while Parallax tells him why he sucks
-Hal pulls the ol' "here put on my ring and gain my powers" trick on Hector
-Hector's constant shrieking isn't a highlight but it sure was memorable

oh hey let me take the opportunity to recommend the green lantern animated series, the art style takes a little getting used to but it's written really well and its core romantic subplot features an angsty bad boy red lantern and a sentient spaceship Learning What Love Is -R

for the record Razer is my favorite character in the show, and is pretty high in my ranking of Favorite Characters In General, because I think the world needs more gamer-keyboard-looking motherfuckers in it and nothing beats a red and black color scheme and a bad attitude -R