Thread by @ArmaniTalks

Social skills come down to:

1. Knowing who you are speaking to.
2. Listening

'What about speaking?'

If you can't get the first 2 right, then your speaking will always fall flat.

If you can get the first 2 right, then speaking will be effortless.

If you stopped putting such an emphasis on speaking, most of your social anxiety would melt away.

'Pinky promise?'

Uh...yea, pinky promise.

'So what do I do?'

Focus on the 2 I mentioned on the list...👇

Before I talk about the 2, let me explain why focusing on speaking causes anxiety.

'Yea plz do. Always been curious about that.'

It causes anxiety because it has you being a lil fake.

You enter the interaction thinking you need to put on some kind of a show.

So you stay in your head more, THINKING of shit to say.

All to 'wow' the people.

'Are people impressed?'

Nah, not really.

They can tell when you aren't paying attention.

Their conscious mind may have no clue.

But their subconscious mind can tell.

Which is why they get an off vibe from you.

Your poor questions, constant darting eyes & rush to speak ruins your social skills.

'Dang you're describing me to the tee.'

I know, because I was once you.

Until my strategy changed.

Your placing WAY too much attention on yourself.

Your ego is LYING to you.

Don't take the bait.

Rather, use your compassion to understand someone else's ego.

1. Knowing who you are speaking to.

Every human is different.

When you lead the interaction with that understanding, your paradigm shifts.

You try to understand the person in front of you.

Is the person quiet?

Cocky?

Confident? Etc

Try to analyze based off the persons body language & what they talk about.

This is tricky to do at first.

But as you immerse yourself in more social interactions, you'll build social awareness & social intuition.

Knowing the personality type will become much easier.

But as you begin looking out for personality types, just maintain curiosity & 0 judgment.

☆Curiosity will allow your mind to fit the puzzle peices quicker.

☆Lack of judgment will allow you to be present & see the person for who they are.

2. Listening

Remember:

☆hearing is physical.
☆listening is mental.

Most hear & a few listen.

Listening is a conscious act.

'English please!'

That means it's going to require effort from your end.

But this is good because now your mind is focusing on the other person rather than yourself.

You're not going to be as inclined to keep planning the next thing you are going to say.

Keep focusing on these 2 elements & you'll find speaking ridiculously easy.

Want to know a secret?

'Yea sure.'

The best speaking is an unconscious act, not a conscious one.

You can speak like you drive a car.

It's an autopilot act.

But when you put so much focus on yourself, you turn this autopilot act into work.

No need.

Take the pressure off yourself by focusing on the person you're speaking too & listening.

Now speaking will go back to being an Unconscious act.

You'll reach social flow state

Try out this method & level up your social skills!

Charisma awaits

For more practical social dynamics tips, subscribe to my YouTube channel:

youtube.com/channel/UCom1I…