So there’s something I wanted to touch on. Everything that we learn comes from either example or experience with the authority figures from our childhood. Whenever you’re trying to build self awareness, the first step is to honesty with yourself.
What are you doing are you doing at the core of your actions without any excuses on top of them? Getting right to the core is a skill you’ll have to build. We’re taught to dodge accountability as a method of self protection.
But we have to learn how to take accountability because it’s a core mode of operating when building self discipline and self awareness. You cannot drive a car efficiently without knowing how it operates. You can’t get far in a car that needs an oil change or a new engine etc
So after you get to the root of your actions with NO excuses attached, ask yourself “did I learn this by example, by experience or both?”. To get to the root you need to know who you learned it from. Unpack that. Process how it made you feel back in your childhood.
AND THEN, we return to accountability... ask yourself “why do I choose to behave like this now” the answer shouldn’t deal with anyone but yourself. So not “because I feel like my mom taught me to be like this” or “because I had to defend myself” or “because I wasn’t allowed xyz”
Being the MOST honest with yourself it will sound something like this “because I don’t want to be nice to people I don’t know. It’s too inconvenient (not hard) for me to risk the chance of being hurt. I don’t feel like being uncomfortable”
or “because I like hurting people’s feelings because it makes me feel in control”. To get the the root of unhealthy behaviors you may feel like a “bad person” at times. But remember we ALL have shitty behaviors we need to break because our society and social climate is trash.
So try to remember that you’re INTENTION is to work though it. Not beat yourself up. This will take you VERY far in healing. Allow things to be what they are so you can focus on healing and not get distracted by self punishment techniques which will only set you back. 💙
