It's time for the world to learn that "cross-compiling" isn't about you using your computer when you're angry.
Well, it is, but it doesn't start that way. #reinvent
"Well, that's a bit embarrassing. It's ECS under the hood, but we degrade the network links intermittently with a randomized cron job." #reinvent
"As a Full Stack Overflow developer, I want to use Fargate but with way, way, way more dicking around with administrivia." #reinvent
I can't even joke about Oracle anymore. Suing the DoL saying they don't have the right to enforce employment discrimination law? Sit the fuck down, you shitgibbons. #reinvent
Leave it running and your CFO tries to kill you with a poisoned apple. #reinvent
Personally I fix my goddamned logging before declaring bankruptcy. #reinvent
Thinking of this as being just for data lakes is a mistake. This is huge for application architecture considerations. "Here's the endpoint for reads, here's the one for writes" is a simplistic example. #reinvent
Are you kidding me?! *THAT* is the service you decided to rename?!
The entire world just turned a shade of furious red--
"AND THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT REDSHIFT!" #reinvent
Compute and storage now separated and billed separately. I like this. #reinvent
I also want that faster S3 dingus in other areas.
Now, less about S3 and "structured data," more about S3 and "cat photos" please. #reinvent
Uh... hello? Is this thing on?
I'm Naming Cassandra; I give dire warnings that nobody heeds.
"JUST TO BE THE MAN WHO WALKS A THOUSAND MILES TO BILL YOUR APP SOME MORE"
Thanks, but I'm saving it up to rage-piss if they have another eighteen syllable service name. #reinvent
In a better, alternate world:
"Introducing Amazon SageFactory!"
It's a better name than this Pokémon style "catch the features all under a separate brand" dance. #reinvent
The terms and conditions explicitly forbid you from using it on "AWS Managed Blockchain," along with any #reinvent sponsors who are Platinum tier and above.
I love this service's promise.