I've been thinking a lot for the last few days about what happens when a beloved media property breaks your heart. Because I've said, and I stand by, that your relationship with the property is not for sale. It belongs to you. You choose what happens to it.
Sometimes your love has shallow roots--the property is new, you don't have a formative relationship, you can break up and purge it from your life without damaging yourself.
But if it's something that's been important to you for a long period of time--for example, a franchise that welcomed you in and home when you were a young adult, that seemed flexible and inclusive enough to build your heart around--you may not be able to do that.
(And yes, this applies to stories people have invented, to religions, to anything you absorb and center yourself on. And while you should have an identity beyond the media you love most, sometimes that media is the only thing not hitting us, not letting us down, not hurting us.)
(Humans are the storytelling ape. We tether ourselves to stories in order to survive.)
So how do we cope when the world's understanding of a property changes drastically? When suddenly our adherence to a set of symbols that have always given comfort sends messages we don't actually intend?
I'm not going to get rid of all my Harry Potter stuff. I spent money on it, and I love it, and I refuse--simply REFUSE--to let JKR take it away from me. Fuck her.
But anyone who's been around here for a while knows that one of my greatest fears is being taken out of context. I over-explain everything in an effort to make that harder for people to do, and it's just not possible. Everyone will always be taken out of context.
If I wear my beloved comfy Slytherin sweater in public, I am out of context. Trans people who see me don't know whether a) I don't know JKR is a TERF, b) I've decided to preserve my relationship to the franchise without her, or c) whether I agree with her.
I'm just grateful that I don't have any Harry Potter tattoos. Because those are way harder to casually leave at home.
But while I'm not getting rid of my Slytherin gear--and I own a LOT of it--I don't know that I can wear it in public knowing that I might make a single person feel less safe for seeing me that way. And that's just secondary damage. The primary damage is already done.
My favorite scarf is a hand-knitted screen-accurate Slytherin prefect scarf. It's huge and warm and comfy, and I may never be able to wear it outside again. And I'm pissed about that.
My relationship to the franchise is personal. It belongs to me. JKR is not invited in. But I don't know how public I can make that relationship, because I can't stand the thought of someone looking at me and thinking I consider them to be less than they are.
I don't have a conclusion. I'm just sad and angry and I process both those feelings via text.
But yeah, if you come to my place, you'll be greeted by a Slytherin rug just inside the front door, and a lot of silver and green, and a household that knows trans women are women and trans men are men and JRK is a fucking TERF and not welcome in my home.
