Thread by @Realoilsheikh

IT IS A MISTAKE TO GIVE PREFERENCE TO OTHERS OVER YOURSELF IN SOME THINGS

Altruism (Al-Eethaar), an act of giving preference to others over oneself, is a virtue which Islaam permits or recommends but not in every aspect of our lives.

The scholars classified altruism into three:

a) The Prohibited
b) The disliked, sometimes permissible, &
c) The Permissible type.

As for the prohibited type, this happens when you give others preference over yourself with regard to what is legally obligatory upon you. It is Haram to prefer anybody in this case.

For instance, if you have [a bowl of] water which belongs to you that is sufficient for one person to perform ablution; and you and your friend need to perform ablution. It is either your friend will perform ablution with it & you will perform Tayammum or you will perform

while your friend will perform Tayammum.

In this situation, it is not permissible to give him the water to perform ablution while you perform Tayammum because you are the finder of the water & the water is under your control. In addition, it is not permissible to abstain from

using water & perform Tayammum except when water is nonexistent. So, giving preference to others over oneself in Shari‘ah obligations is unlawful because it necessitates you to drop the obligation. Or to pay for someone to go to Hajj while you haven't performed. Not allowed.

The 2nd case, where it is disliked & sometimes permissible is giving preference to others over yourself in recommended matters (Mustahabbaat). Some scholars disliked it while others permitted it. However it is better to avoid it, without doubt; except when there is benefit in it.

For instance, giving preference to someone else over yourself with regard to the first row in Salaah in which you were already standing. Some scholars disliked this & stated that it is a proof that the individual is averse to goodness & being averse to goodness is disliked.

How would you give preference to someone for a virtuous place that you are more entitled to than him! Some scholars say it is better to avoid it except if there is benefit in it such as if it were your father & you are afraid that he may have something against you in his heart.

The 3rd is the permissible type: In fact, this type may be recommended. It entails giving preference to others in issues that are not religious in nature. For example, if you are hungry & have [a plate of] food in your possession; and a friend of yours is also hungry like you;

if you give him preference in this situation you will be praised for this altruism based on the statement of Allaah the Most High with regard to the description of the Ansaar:

“And [also for] those who were settled in al-Madeenah & [adopted] the faith before them.

They love those who emigrated to them and find not any want in their breasts of what the emigrants were given but give [them] preference over themselves, even though they are in privation.”

[Surah Al Hashr: 9].

The manner they gave them preference over themselves was that when the emigrants arrived Madeenah, the Ansaar received them with honour, respect & gave them preference over themselves with their wealth to the extent that one of them would say to his emigrant brother:

“If you wish, I will give up one of my wives for you.”

Meaning he will divorce her for the emigrant to marry her after the expiration of her waiting period.

This was due to the high degree of their altruism towards their emigrant brothers (may Allah be pleased with them).

Source: Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, vol.2, p262-263, by Skh Muhammad Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (RH).

"So imitate them even if you cannot be as good as them. For certainly, imitating an Honorable character is on its own an honor".