Thread by @jamesmb

Apologies if addressing this sensitive subject causes upset this early in the morning but I can't keep quiet any more.

I'm worried about the size of my testicles.

So, I'm sitting on my seat on this train and this fella has got on the train and is in the next seat. 1/7

I don't know this man from Adam but I'm guessing he has enormous nuts. Enormous. Properly ENORMOUS. Maybe I'm being unfair and he's suffering from elephantiasis or something. But if he is, he's not alone. If he is, it could be an epidemic.

2/7

I seem unable to get on a train without sitting next to someone whose plums are so massive they have to sit with their legs almost behind their ears. To be honest, it's got so bad that I'm surprised some men aren't wandering around with their jack's crackers in a wheelbarrow. 3/7

I can sit like what I think of as a normal human. Legs together. Sometimes legs crossed. But they can't.

Ok, sometimes I need to move in my seat but I have never felt the need to drape my legs over the person sitting next to me because my spuds didn't fit where they should. 4/7

On this basis, I have come to the conclusion that my balls are abnormally small. I don't seek reassurance.

I am not going to start a crowdfunder.

There will be no concert or awareness campaign. 5/7

However, I do ask for some solidarity. Guys, support those who suffer like me BY SITTING NORMALLY, YOU BLOODY WEIRDOS! NOBODY IS IMPRESSED WHEN YOU SIT LIKE THAT, LEGS AKIMBO, ATTRACTING FLIES, TROUSERS STRETCHED UNTIL WE CAN SEE YOUR TINY GENITALS. SORT YOURSELVES OUT! 6/7

This was a public service announcement on behalf of #BlokesAgainstManspreading. Thanks for listening. 7/7