Thread by @RachelintheOC

Tonight we're discussing navigating the holidays - can be tough, what with the societal pressures of parties, gifts, family and friends, and work commitments - difficult for anyone yet especially hard for survivors. We'll discuss ways to cope #SexAbuseChat

The holiday season is upon us, complete with festivities, music, food and a sense of social obligation to "eat, drink and be merry", or something along those lines.

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For survivors of sexual abuse, who may have degrees of anxiety, PTSD and general dislike of loud, crowded places, the bustle and social nature of the holidays can feel at the very least, pressured, and at the most, depression and anxiety-provoking.

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Tonight's topic is about NAVIGATING all this, how to get around it, through it, past it, and perhaps even enjoy some of it.

This article has a raft of articles covering loads of topics! psychcentral.com/holidays/ so bookmark for later

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Firstly, the music - for some, holiday music can be triggering, or perhaps certain songs/artists. Avoiding this can be difficult as the festive tunes seem to loop. Have headphones at hand, to help block out music you don't want to hear.

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The invites can build up, parties, drinks, concerts, events - there are so many gatherings this time of year before we even reach the actual holiday itself. Remember the 'NO' word. And use it at your will.

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There is no obligation to accept invites, and once you accept, you don't HAVE to go. Even if you pay a deposit, you can still change your mind. You may not get the money back, but if it is between that and your well-being, prioritize your health first every time. #SexAbuseChat

This is hard for many of us - why pay for something if you won't attend? We struggle with money so much. Weigh the options - is your mental health worth more than the $50 you paid not to attend? YES. Then staying warm and cozy is the right answer.

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There may be a level of ambivalence and indecisiveness. Did a parent ever say "Go on, you'll be fine once you get there?" It might be like that for some, and the trepidation dissipates once you arrive at the party, the dinner or whatever.

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Make sure you can leave at any time. This might involve telling the person you traveled with you may need to leave early or it might mean having cab fare on you or taking your own car or not drinking that night, so you know you can leave when you like.

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As for food, many survivors have issues around eating and body image. You are under no obligation to eat anything. Even if you are at a dinner party! Eat at home beforehand and just eat a little at the party. It's not rude. Say you ate a big lunch or whatever. #SexAbuseChat

Sometimes these family and friend events can be a wasp's nest of dysfunction. If you already know this in advance, take a pass. Start your own traditions.

We are adults. We do not have to do what our families have demanded. Keep this in mind. #SexAbuseChat

If you do eat and worry about eating too much or making unhealthy choices, sit a distance from the food if it is a buffet. Drink sparkling water so you won't be tempted to drink alcohol and you'll still feel like you're 'fitting in.'

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Regarding what to wear if you go out, think about whether you will know everyone or not. This can affect how comfortable you will feel. A strapless dress might feel fine with your partner or close friends (con't)

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but out at a cocktail lounge and the rest of the drinking public, you may feel a little exposed.

Wear an outfit you feel comfortable in and take an extra layer along, a cardigan/shawl to enable you to step out for fresh air or some quiet if needed.

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This isn't about victim-blaming or shaming - this is about making you comfortable when navigating out in public where there's likely to be people who aren't as sensitive to PTSD and other mental health issues. #SexAbuseChat

Take something in your bag or pocket, an object for grounding. A pebble can work well, or a shell. Something you can feel/hold/describe in your mind. This can help you stay in the moment if you start to feel anxious/unsafe/unsettled.

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Take breaks as much as you need. It might feel like everyone is timing you when you last went for a bathroom break, but trust us, they are not. And if they are, well, they really need to get out more, don't they? LOL

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If you do go out to festive socials or Christmas shopping (which as you all know can completely be done online these days, leaving the malls full of headless chickens who can't use the internet......), then be sure to schedule rest time afterward.

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A day of shopping will buy you a few hours nap, and a party might even require you to take the day off work the next day.

We give you permission. 😎

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Tips:

1 Take your meds. If you have extra meds for times when you feel anxious, keep it to hand.

2. Drink lots of water, everywhere is warm, and busy, and it is easier to dehydrate, especially if you have any alcohol, so pre-empt it by drinking water.

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3. Keep to your routine. If you meditate, journal, swim, etc., now is totally not the time to let that go by the wayside until the new year. Keep this in place to anchor your psyche!

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4. Reach for help. Contact a friend, or your counselor/therapist or @RAINN or a hotline - don't feel like you have to be jolly/festive just because Starbucks has the red cups out, okay? You're still healing, and that doesn't take a break for the holiday season!!

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5. Rest - you don't realize, especially if you have PTSD, how being social is exhausting. Your whole body and soul are on high alert and hypervigilance in busy, loud public places full of excited children and stressed adults, can be very draining.

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Sleep. Nap. Rest. AS needed!

What are your tips for navigating the holidays?

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More tips to help de-stress during the holidaze:

How to De-Stress

--Take the pressure off yourself. If you set high expectations for yourself and for others at holiday events, you’re more likely to feel let down.

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--Know that some things won’t go exactly as planned — and that’s just fine.

--Most people aren’t paying much attention to you. You may feel as if people are focusing on you, but in reality, most people are probably wondering what you are thinking of them.

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--Try making a compliment, which can make others feel good, make you feel good, and reduce some stress.

--Identify your specific concerns. Are you afraid you will say the wrong thing or embarrass yourself?

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--Remind yourself that although you may feel uncomfortable, maybe even very uncomfortable, that's the worst that can happen.
--Don’t look for relief in alcohol or drugs. Although it can be tempting to “take the edge off” at holiday events (con't)

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alcohol and drugs can make anxiety worse and may trigger panic attacks.

--Smile, make eye contact, and ask questions. Most people like to talk about themselves and their interests. Ask other people about their holiday plans, (con't)

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--what their kids are doing, or what book they’re reading.

--Avoid religion, politics, and other topics that can lead to heated discussions and add to your stress.

--Say NO. That's the big one here. Don't overschedule yourself!

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Tips courtesy of @Got_Anxiety

More here:

Find Your Holiday Happiness: Manage Anxiety and Depression | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA buff.ly/2XaQsVW

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