Funny story about everyday sexism tonight. My rideshare driver (mid-30’s) mentioned he came to the USA 3 years ago as an architect, but went back to school to study cybersecurity and drives weekends. Obviously I’m interested and start chatting. 1/8
We get to talking about colleges and he opined that expensive universities create an alumni network that maintains their power. I point out that going to security conferences & networking is incredibly valuable for career development and opportunities. 2/8
He is friendly but keeps interrupting & talking over me, patronizingly telling me how networking might be important in general in America, but it isn’t necessary in cybersecurity. Companies are targeting students with jobs & internships. 3/8
He interned at Google already, he confidently informs me, as evidence he knows what he is talking about.
My family is trying not to audibly laugh in the back seat. 4/8
My family is trying not to audibly laugh in the back seat. 4/8
Then he asks what we do for a living. The kids are now laughing out loud. I tell him I manage a cybersecurity team at Microsoft. He says “that’s not the same thing. Managing a team isn’t the same as being in cybersecurity.” 5/8
My daughter is losing it at this point and says “my dude, you might want to listen to her. She knows what she’s talking about.” He continues to assert that he doesn’t need to build a professional network. 6/8
We are almost at our destination by now so I tell him building a collaborative network of industry peers that will vouch for him and help him in his career is pretty valuable, but hey, he should do what he is comfortable with. 7/8
As we get out of the car I slip my business card back into my purse instead of giving it to him, and my family continues to laugh for another 10 minutes about this ride and how this guy just self-sabotaged himself. 8/8
Wow this post took off. Thanks everyone for reading, you’re all awesome.
A few more thoughts: I think it’s all a funny learning opportunity. I definitely don’t want to dunk on anyone, that shuts down conversation and prevents a dialog that people can learn from.
A few more thoughts: I think it’s all a funny learning opportunity. I definitely don’t want to dunk on anyone, that shuts down conversation and prevents a dialog that people can learn from.
This guy is hustling as a rideshare driver to pay tuition/living expenses. Everyone deserves respect, doesn’t matter if they’re a fry cook or CEO. Please don’t judge him for his job. We all started somewhere.
I didn’t replay every little conversational or situational detail to justify my #everydaysexism assessment. You’ll have to trust me here. He isn’t “just an arrogant jerk” as some people have suggested. He was really friendly and nice. He was also oblivious to his bias.
I’m not angry at this guy. I know my worth, and his behavior doesn’t have any impact on me. I honestly feel sad for him. I wish I’d had more time to try to have a dialog with him not to establish my creds but to help him open his mind to a more inclusive world.
