Thread by @QuinnyPig

And now, my #rsac / #RSAConference expo hall observations in thread form.

If you pay retail price for @SentinelOne, negotiate better please. They clearly have far too much money.

It's unclear whether the @TheJusticeDept is posting a bunch of white-collar criminal wanted posts because they think the perps will show up or as a cautionary tale, but I finally found a place I don't want my photo.

The @CenturyLink social media team puts forth a heroic effort to improve their company's sorry image, but let's face it: even the company logo is a butthole.

It's unclear to me whether @Malwarebytes is malware, an anti-malware, or @MalwareJake's holding company.

Here we have an unlikely #rsac sponsor: Good Twitter.

It doesn't matter that NTT bought them, @whitehatsec is currently being acquired by IBM's technicolor haberdashery.

Here we see the state of Georgia hoping that @PaloAltoNtwks acquires them, too.

The @awscloud booth is a bit more frugal than usual this year. I should read up on what AWS ThreatModeler does...

If I named my company @WhiteOps, there are probably 50,000 things I'd put on my printed advertisements before I chose "a white guy." #rsac

It's unclear whether licensing "Back to the Future" or fighting the Universal Studios lawsuit costs more. Which did @SkySynced do?

Come to a security conference, win electronics from @searchguard that have microphones embedded in them.

"If this sounds like a good plan, you're probably our target market!"

Because this is @NIST, that entire stack of paper on the table is their glossy brochure. They do amazing work, none of it brief. #rsac

My Twitter feed isn't for sale, but @LaceworkInc spotted me the expo hall pass. This exempts them from my typical snarky slings and arrows. #rsac

Thanks, folks.

I saw that @GCPcloud is here in force. Remember, if you've turned something off, it can't be attacked other than via social media.

Here we see @elastic, scouting for new companies to sue.

While hashtags are useful on Twitter, if you put them on billboards you sound out of touch.

It's not at all clear to me what @servicenow does, but their marketing is on point.

I'd suggest a cat theme for next year, and a rebrand to ServiceMeow.

Oof. @CISAgov does good work, but it's a little close to "my grandchildren stand a good chance of accusing me of war crimes if I work there" in the current climate.

"We have no idea what this conference is about, but we saw the sponsorship prices and realized there's gold here" is probably not @deloitte's official position on their #rsac presence.

"Just call the company @FutureXGlobal as a placeholder, we'll fill in the company name for real once we pick one."

"@ArubaNetworks, a Hewlett Packard Enterprise Company" was branded by someone who dramatically overstates HPE's reputation over the last few years.

"You're not as smart as you think" from @PrivacyPros embraces negging as an A+ marketing strategy.

Don't do that.

There's so much to unpack here. Are they unabashed carnivores? Did they order this ad from the San Francisco stereotype catalogue? I have so many questions for @code42.

Here we see @corsatech highlighting TLS encryption as a security problem and selling you something to defeat it.

The @synopsys booth workers barely tolerated their @tinfoilsecurity acquisition; just wait until next year when they acquire ClownShoes Security (formerly known as Equifax).

"Cloud Email Security," three things nobody understands or does properly.

I'm giving @CrowdStrike a free snark pass, since they've become a talking point of just the worst people on the internet. Remember their PR team in your prayers.

Security through obscurity is never a great approach, but neither of the people using @BlackBerry in 2020 report any security issues whatsoever, mostly because the cell carriers no longer support their phones. #rsac

If you didn't know, @TenableSecurity is the company behind Nessus. You've almost certainly seen one of their security reports with a small consultancy's logo hastily slapped onto the top. #rsac

Here we have the entire country of Germany trying to raise enough money to pay for Splunk.

Either someone drugged me this morning, or @IBMSecurity has the best booth at @rsac.

The @splunk booth looks suspiciously like a retail bank branch.

They had to unveil this banner only after it was hung up, since "The Security Policy Company" was so boring that the venue workers kept falling asleep and tumbling off the ladder.

What the cinnamon toast fuck is this, @code42? When someone does something dumb for marketing purposes, maybe a woman in HR shouldn't be where you go? #rsac

To show their fun side, @oracle set up a dunk tank at their booth. Hit the target with a thrown baseball, the tank drowns a kitten. #rsac

The envy of every vendor at #rsac : @box is a SaaS platform, while almost everyone else just has a hardware appliance to sell you.

"We're a security company, despite the fact that 95% of our customer base just uses us as a CDN with a crappy API" proclaims @Akamai.

It wouldn't be a conference without @Microsoft, just as there wouldn't be an @awscloud booth at a conference without the word "Amazon" in the conference's name.

It's unclear whether this enormous booth is for @RSAConference, @RSAsecurity, or RSA the encryption algorithm.

Even @awscloud's ridiculous service names pale in comparison to keeping your company named after a publicly nuts alleged murderer.

Analyst firms put @ZeroNetworks at the top of the charts due to everyone claiming they run zero networks.

While I appreciate the AWS-style naming, most CISOs would hit me with a belt if I proposed a product that billed itself as "AI."

VMware's Carbon Black: now streaming on Netflix.

I'm betting @genekim could come up with some hilarious @tripwire swag build around actually tripping people, but he's far too kind to ever do it. His absence there is clearly felt.

We pause here for a minute to thank Officer Scrumples for her service at #rsac.

Without @marknca present, @trendmicro becomes Trend Nano at best.

"The future is trust" says a company who's one misconfigured S3 bucket away from being the next Equifax.

I enjoyed chatting with @signalsciences; their CEO and I talked some smack on a podcast recently: lastweekinaws.com/podcast/scream…

"Raffling off a jeep at #rsac" is... well, @Thycotic.

If three screens and two full racks of literature are just the @synopsys, what the hell does the full version look like?!

You just know that this poor bastard has been punched in the stomach by "funny" people at least twice this week.

I see @360TotalSec both detects and sells counterfeit XBoxes.

The empty "International Trade" section at the UK Pavilion is some poignant post-brexit commentary right there.

It seems @NSAGov (a @facebook competitor) is hiring. Don't bother submitting your resume, they have it already.

Moses got confused, attempted to part the @RedSeal_co, and that stain is never, ever coming out of the carpet.

And that's it! Now, I have an award to present to an exhibitor for the best marketing communication of @RSAConference 2020. It's head and shoulders above everyone else today. I will pause to build suspense.

The 2020 #rsac award goes to... @rsaconference itself! Look at this masterpiece of marketing: it tells me what a UAV is and how it works.

It doesn't try to insult me or goad me into responding. It lets me self-select as to whether it applies to me.

Excellent, excellent job.