Whenever I try to talk about bad behavior of a group and how it's hurting everyone else, I always get pushback from the elements of that group who feel the need to point out that it's not ALL the people in that group. Let me show you the opportunity you miss when you do that:
I am white but if I hear people talking about the insidious role white women play in protecting white male privilege, I stop talking and listen. Why? Because they are describing patterning that I have or have had, but maybe I haven't made it conscious in myself yet.
Finding conditioning in myself that is playing out unconsciously is the gold. This is what I try to point to when I say that we change the world when we change ourselves.
I get excited when I find a way that I have been unconsciously doing something toxic because that means I can stop. And even if just one person stops, that changes the world.
I have been Hillary Clinton in my life. I have propped up a sleazy, power-crazed, selfish white male and helped him by reframing his horrible behavior in to something admirable. I see why it happens because I know why I did it. It was in my conditioning and I did it out of fear.
My job is not to defend that behavior, my job is to get clear on why I did it, stop doing it, and point out the machinations of it to other white women so maybe they’ll stop too. That’s how we change things. We don’t change things by protecting our demons.
So any time someone tells you that your generation/gender/race does something as a whole, don’t get defensive, get reflective. Shut up and go within. If you’re sure you don’t do it then fine, but now stop playing defense for those that do.
Stop standing against those who are victims of this behavior and turn around and join them. Stand against those who are doing it and stand with the oppressed group in telling them to knock it off. Not hard.
That’s why when I hear people raking on “Karens” and talking about how us white women run to the manager, I laugh along with everyone and throw in a few “amens”, because I know I’ve done that, I see exactly how toxic it is, I’ve made it conscious, and I’ve stopped.
Sometimes people call me Karen just for having an opinion they disagree with. I can see that clearly too bc of the work I’ve done on myself. I can make distinctions. Getting clear on how I have manipulated myself and others makes other people’s manipulations very easy to see too.
It's embarrassing to acknowledge even to yourself that you've been a part of the problem, but what's more embarrassing is to go on being a part of the problem. Just because you refuse to see it in yourself doesn't mean everyone else can't see it in you. 
And you might just save the world. A small change in one person's behavior has ripple effects. One small change changes all our patterns. Keep making those changes and you will understand yourself and others with so much more compassion and speak with much more clarity.
