Thread by @usnehal

Am grateful my #endometriosis and #fibroids only affects me severely one day a cycle and is not severe every cycle. Still that one day can make me unable to get out of bed or sit up without passing out. Severity worsens with stress.

Today I feel have my life back. Thank God.

Mind you, my definition of severe is “I pass out from pain.” I don’t know if it is really a good thing I self suppress so well that I don’t even feel or react to pain until it threatens my ability to stay conscious. I don’t glamorize “grit” that is a lack of self compassion

It is an accommodation to the pathology in the world we live that was apparent with the events this week. 6 Asian women killed but the compassion was for the killer who “had a bad day” by authorities while the women were mislabeled as sex workers to validate their deaths.

Not that being a sex worker is any reason for harm. I use “mislabel” to identify there are a few levels to this 1-mislabel (the way #DrSusanMoore was called “intimidating” for having knowledge) 2- sexualizing women is used to justify violence, especially in religious communities

Religious motivation is very likely here as it was his form of “treatment”

While “sex addiction” is no more real than “conversion therapy” to make someone not gay, evangelicals sell such quackery that encourages violence vs women & LGBTQ as “evil”

washingtonpost.com/religion/2021/…

For my #endometriosis, birth control/OCPs needed, since first line of (relying on NSAIDs) still has me passing out from pain when life causes stress that I cannot avoid (mother dying, right wing militia types targeting me for GOTV, grad school, etc) yet:

vox.com/identities/201…

Have had premature impending ovarian failure since at least 2013. Birth control for #endometriosis is not “killing” any babies nor does someone else’s religion belong in my uterus or ovaries. I grew up knowing my rights in a Muslim family having breakfast next to IUD training kit

This is my aunt, on ob/gyn. She goes around #Pakistan teaching women their rights and speaking truth to power (bearded men in tribal areas and religious settings) and she heads a women’s health department. She treats the poorest of the poor in the inner city or rural areas alike.

Yet you will hear “creeping shariah” is a threat in America. In fact if one has scholars educated in modern science, much of which has foundations in medieval Jewish and Muslim scholarship, religious scholars can update laws

dar-alifta.org/foreign/ViewFa…

I am still a doctor first tho

Which means that while I grew up in a religious home that taught me, as a woman, I had a right to my health & wellbeing, including fertility control

when I see a patient as a doctor

is THEIR values that matter and I am there as a scientist

am not a policewoman for patriarchy

What the Bible or Quran says about women or sex is not what informs how I practice medicine under my license

Religion is not “treatment” - besides the #Atlanta shooter, who else was “treated” with religion? The Boston Marathon bomber when he was hearing voices

Remember this?

Compare it to this.

There is a double dehumanization of disproportionate police response towards some nor others while not believing or valuing lives of victims who are BIPOC

Meanwhile women’s bodies, if (perceived) used/monetized for sex makes them “valid” targets.

Trigger warning on next tweet.

This is a mannequin sold by an NRA approved vendor as a way to take out anger at an ex.

If white women are portrayed this way, then how would Asian women be treated by those filled with hate?

Yet birth control is the threat to ban/control?

fastcompany.com/2682024/what-h…

Meanwhile American media attempts to tell me that my identity portrayed as a slave/sex slave is “liberation” and “empowerment” and monetizes fetishes sold at male-dominated sporting events such than when I am in the c-suite this is what is seen, not my Harvard or MIT credentials

https://twitter.com/usnehal/status/1224475479014506496

So yes I often can’t feel pain

which gets me into this kind of trouble

is unsafe

it is a lifetime of protecting self from a pathological world that has made me this way

humanity is not something I can have & still be safe

can’t let my guard down

no safety outside or inside

https://twitter.com/usnehal/status/1317266690078609410

I am grateful for the days my own body is not the threat to me. I need to be able to take care of myself. There is a lot to get done. And my ADHDish brain (no diagnosis despite being tested but have many traits) won’t rest while there are so many problems to solve.

https://twitter.com/usnehal/status/1316972347761590272

Minus the smoking part of that gif.

One thing with chronic pain no one sees, with high functioning ADHD/neurodiversity others, especially women, marginalize/ridicule/bully you over, racism, etc...

it can lead to overexplaining as a #trauma response vm.tiktok.com/ZMeAegj2L/

There’s all sorts of stuff you learn late as GenX, from later generations.

Except often, later generations are coming to you for the support and resources you never got and still don’t have

so it adds to guilt, self blame, depletion if in leadership

That’s the catch-22

Some of this applies. I still don’t fit when I sought neurocognitive testing as an adult.

I did charm my teachers with bubbling over words (not lies) to negotiate many deadlines.

My mom tho, never called me lazy. Instead she preserved my self esteem.

vm.tiktok.com/ZMeAehvBW/

Cuz some of us, if we make a tiny mistake are told to berate selves.

Others, kill 8 people & authorities tell them they had a “bad day.”

Some find judgment and harm

in medical and mental health
in professional spaces & society

My mom taught me a safe space in my own head.

She was far from perfect, ironically her biggest fault was being a perfectionist herself. It was her accommodation to others’ pathology, racism, sexism and her way of trying to always be above reproach, even though she taught me more kindness to myself.

vm.tiktok.com/ZMeAeS4jV/

One of the last conversations we had was on my reposting @TamorahLewisMD unrolled thread on @LinkedIn. She and I had been having ongoing discussions as she read all my #LinkedIn posts. She often patiently accepted things and just tried harder as a “no excuses” person.

https://twitter.com/tamorahlewismd/status/1343329088325476352

In a society that will always undervalue and mislabel me as it does to BIPOC, it is hard to lose my mother. She did not mince words and who did hold me accountable - she called a spade a spade - but also offered me kind and supportive encouragement to keep at it to improve.

Also, @1800flowers I am still annoyed that you all did not have the decency or customer service to both re-send the my mother’s last Valentine’s bouquet she sent that you never deliver AND refund. Instead my dad spent hours just to get the full refund and you called that job done

When you mess up on day specific delivery AND you learn you messed up on the last bouquet a mother ever would send her daughter on a day about love, you just send the flowers AND you refund because you failed on the delivery promise you made. That’s what my mom would have done.

But, that there is a dearth of high integrity, high reliability, compassionate people and businesses is not new news. Thankfully there are still others - people and businesses - who are high integrity and reliability.

That said, while I think there is a place for the “look for the helpers”, we need more than a few heroes. We need society-wide acknowledgement and cooperation and investment/sacrifice to make the necessary changes. It can’t be a few people on their knees self depleting. Disagree.

So maybe my oververbosity started as a trauma response of overexplaining. Maybe it is just ADHD verbal hyperactivity. Maybe both. But I have turned it into an “ADHD superpower” to be an influencer, reach at least a quarter million (followers on LinkedIn, but posts reach beyond).

Apparently ADHD traits/brain is also a #Entrepreneurship superpower

The hardest part is how to balance overcoming being a people pleaser without losing the “charm”

as accountability, when enforced by a woman/WOC, that too outside patriarchy = blowback

entrepreneur.com/article/322335

@threadreaderapp please unroll