Thread by @brokeymcpoverty

i know i talk abt my therapist a lot but i want to share something that has helped me immensely

early on i noticed that as i was describing tough days or experiences to her id expect her to immediately start talking abt them

like i expected 'so how did that make you feel?' or 'how are you feeling now?' something about the thing i described

but she would always pause and say "it sounds like you've had a very tough time," just acknowledging that things have been hard for me

and it would break me down every fucking time. instant tears. first id nod my head and say 'yeah i guess it has been tough' & then a flood

and it was very difficult and uncomfortable for me to sit in the extreme emotion it caused, like i wanted to rush past the acknowledgement

and im not even sure why? but eventually i started to sink into relief that saying 'i have had a hard time' gave me

and i thought about why it gives me such release to acknowledge difficult times and i dont know shit about shit but heres what i think

i say its more than being seen bc when im having a hard time i dont usually even know im having a hard time, i just know im failing

we're so trained to think in terms of normality that we're always comparing ourself to the Normal Human, who can handle and do anything

Normal Human can remember to respond to emails and pay rent on time. Normal Human can leave the house on time. Normal Human doesnt need help

and that, for me, becomes 'these arent actual problems youre having bc Normal Human can do them. if they can you should be able to too'

so without acknowledging that im having a hard time, i minimize the actual problems im having which keeps me from seeing my successes

in a 'normal' landscape doing 'small' things isnt a big deal. so what if i put my clothes in the hamper instead of throwing them on the flr

that's 'normal' you shld be doing that anyway

so when my therapist says 'it sounds like youre having a hard time' it snaps me out of that. oh shit. i AM having a hard time, youre right!

so of COURSE i cried on the train yesterday! im having a hard time, i can stop beating myself up for that now

and it really really really does help me relax and be more patient with myself

and of course there's the compassion and comfort that comes with someone else recognizing that we're going thru something

bc then it feels like even if you are suffering you arent doing it alone in the dark. at least someone can bear witness to your pain

but 'it sounds like youre having a hard time' gave me such instant relief that i started acknowledging them that way when alone

when im in the middle of screaming at myself over all the shit im not doing and how i should be progressing faster than this, i pause

when i can remember to, i pause and say 'i am having a hard time/week/day.' and immediately, tears. and i immediately comfort myself

'its okay to not be okay and you are doing fucking amazing for someone who is having a hard time'

it helps me place myself back in my own universe, if that makes sense, reminds me not to compare my struggle or victories to Normal Human's

bc people without mood disorders are not 'normal.' people with mood disorders are not abnormal. normal's not a thing.

we're just different. we have different hurdles and experiences and strengths and weaknesses. that shit is just called being human

and since everybody is different, of course, this may not do diddly for anyone else & im not saying it will. its just saved me a few times

that's all. i love yall and i see yall and im proud of you and im rooting for you 💜💪🏾