Profile picture
Ben Shapiro @benshapiro
, 8 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
In honor of Memo Night, this unfinished masterpiece:
'Twas the night before memo, when all through the House
Not a creature was stirring, not even a louse;
The stories were prepped for the press with great care,
In hopes that the cameras soon would be there;
Congressmen nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of prostitutes danced in their heads;
And Trump on his Twitter, and I on my app,
Had just settled our brains for tomorrow’s big scrap,
When on CNN there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the laptop I flew like a flash,
Tore open the screen and prepared for the clash.
Wolf Blitzer was shouting about breaking news,
And wild Jim Acosta was shouting J’accuse!
And then to my wondering eyes did appear,
One Devin Nunes and his four-page premiere.
With some members of Congress so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment they’d all make me sick.
More rapid than eagles they ran to name names,
While Schiff shouted out that he had counterclaims.
“Now, Comey! Now, Rosenstein! Now Strzuck and Page!
On McCabe! On Mueller! Our sources of rage!
To the top of the jail! To the top of Trump’s wall!
Now go away, go away, go away all!”
That's as far as I've gotten. And I have to go drink myself into oblivion in preparation for tomorrow.
Missing some Tweet in this thread?
You can try to force a refresh.

Like this thread? Get email updates or save it to PDF!

Subscribe to Ben Shapiro
Profile picture

Get real-time email alerts when new unrolls are available from this author!

This content may be removed anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @benshapiro see all

Profile picture
There are 600,000 uninsured in NYC. De Blaise claims the program will cost just $100 million additionally per year. That’s $160 per uninsured, so, um, LOL. nbcnewyork.com/news/local/NYC…
*de Blasio
De Blasio declaring universal healthcare
Read 3 tweets
Profile picture
This is legitimately the most insane Twitter suspension I have ever heard of. My business partner, @JeremyDBoreing, was just suspended for 12 hours for this tweet. Why? Because it was supposedly "promoting or encouraging self-harm." IT'S A JOKE ABOUT BRUSSELS SPROUTS. WTF @jack
Here's likely what happened: some motivated moron decided to flag the tweet and send it to Twitter, and Twitter, doing their typical bang-up job of banning conservatives before asking why, just hit the suspend button without a second thought.
For me, I'm just happy that Twitter stepped in to prevent what surely would have been a spate of suicide attempts from people attempting to BURN OFF THEIR OWN FACES WITH FRYING PANS.
Read 5 tweets
Profile picture
Stevie Wonder > Michael Jackson
Me to the ratio
The bass line for “Superstition” alone justifies this claim.
Read 3 tweets

Related threads

Profile picture
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that the Mueller might stay away from there;
The lawyers were nestled all sweaty in their beds,
While visions of indictments danced in their heads;
Read 20 tweets
Profile picture
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even his third wife the Einstein visa recipient with a heart that was not made of gold.
The golf clubs were stacked by the chimney with care with hope that the wall funding would soon be there.
The children were nestled in palm beach, while visions of kleptocracy danced in their head.
Read 3 tweets
Profile picture
THREAD (complete) ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that the Mueller might stay away from there;
The lawyers were nestled all sweaty in their beds,
While visions of indictments danced in their heads;
Read 24 tweets
Profile picture
THREAD ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney in fear,
With hope the Mueller might stay away from here;
The lawyers were nestled all sweaty in their beds,
While visions of indictments danced in their heads;

The Donald in a panic, and I in my room,
His brains had been scrambled by a feeling of doom,
When out of CNN there arose such a clatter,
The Donald sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to his office he flew like a flash,
Dialing his Android, his face like ash.
Read 6 tweets
Profile picture
‘Twas the night before Thanksgiving,
And all through the House,
Not a Demonrat was stirring,
Not even a louse,

Uncle Rico hung the stockings,
At Gitmo with care,
And voter fraud was burning up,
The clear California air,

(Continued ...) 👇
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While nightmares of Killary danced in their heads

And Pepe in his MAGA hat and Potus in his cap,
Had just settled their brains for a long winter's nap‍—‌
When on the White House lawn there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from the bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window Pepe flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below;
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear
Read 6 tweets
Profile picture
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (jiggler, to prevent the screen from locking)
The dongles were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that no APT zero-days would be there
1/n
The children were browsing using incognito mode
While visions of insecure IoT toys danced in their heads;
And mamma with her BYOD laptop, and I with my tablet,
Had just settled down and hibernated our devices,
2/n
When on the domain there arose an attack of shatter ,
I sprang from the SOC to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash (and was immediately exploited by an 0-day),
I tore open the shutters and yelled “uninstall Flash.”
3/n
Read 14 tweets

Trending hashtags

#DieHard #FlipTheHouse #Bikeschool #Freds #ChristmasEve #Camelbak #DARKtoLIGHT #TrumpResign #GoEags #Masterpiece #BlueWave2018 #Threads #MuellerMonday #BikeCampers #FlipTheSenate #ChristmasEve2017 #Midterms2018 #MuellerDay #OH12 #Tacos #braap #MuellerTime #BackRow #Christmas #MerryChristmas

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member and get exclusive features!

Premium member ($3.00/month or $30.00/year)

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!