Thread by @everywhereist

guy walks around with a fire hose that sprays poop
he's soaking everyone
little kids are getting knocked over by the sheer force

"EVERYONE JUST PUT ON HAZMAT SUITS. CONSIDER GETTING GETTING A POOP HOSE YOURSELF. BECAUSE WE HAVE THIS OLD PAPER THAT SAYS POOP HOSES ARE A RIGHT."

"Look," some say, "This was never the purpose of a poop hose. I mean, yes, it was designed to spray poop. That's the ONLY thing it does. But anyone who uses it against another person is insane."

"So perhaps we can do a mental health check on people buying poop hoses?"

"NO."

Children take to the streets, because they are tired of getting sprayed with poop in school. Teachers join them.

"Give the teachers poop hoses," some say.

"I did not become a teacher to spray someone with poop," one teacher remarks.

"You should have known that was a risk."

We will do whatever we can:
Arm teachers with poop hoses.
Put kindergarteners in tiny hazmat suits.
Make sure that kids carry clear plastic backpacks so they aren't hiding little turds in there.

But we will not regulate poop hoses.
Because of what this old piece of paper said.

Quick poll.

Which would you rather be shot with? (Assume you will most certainly be hit squarely in the chest repeatedly.)

Someone just asked me for a link to the poop hose news story.

I am going to bed.