Thread by @elle91

Hey guys, keeping things secret often adds to the shame and gives those things more power. DM me your secrets. I'll post them without your identity, let's remember that we're not alone.

Starting off strong.

Be good to each other. Xx

This human wanted to specify that the partner is male because we are all at risk for self-harm and body image issues.

You are all so much more capable than you believe you are. I believe in you.

I can almost guarantee you are the only one who remembers this. It's OK. It's all OK.

Don't settle for people who make you feel like you're not good enough.

Nobody can help if they don't know you need help. You deserve a life you love. You don't have to do it alone. You're not alone. Xx

You are not a bad person for pursuing your own happiness. If others aren't honest with you about their feelings, it's extremely difficult to respect their feelings. You can't be sensitive to things you don't know. You did nothing wrong.

It's OK to ask for help. It's OK not to be able to do everything. Life is an ebb and flow, sometimes things are manageable and sometimes you feel like you're drowning. Let those who love you help you stay afloat. Don't be afraid to say no. Nobody can do everything.

I'm getting a lot of messages from people relating to things I've posted. Please comment (even something as small as a heart) if you're willing to have others, or the original poster, to reach out and connect. Let's make get some supportive, positive connections in here.

These things that make us different are beautiful and endearing. It is difficult to see the beauty in your uniqueness in a world that values sameness. You don't say Rs wrong, you say them differently and that's fine (and kind of cute. Sorry).

Love is complicated and confusing and unfortunately it's not something you can control. I hope you both find happiness.

Mental illness is a fickle bitch. It crawls out from the dark and tries to drag you down with it. Good for you for getting help ❤️

Asking for help both professionally and personally is an enormous sign of strength. Nobody expects you to be able to do everything. Raising a child with special needs is challenging but so admirable. Any special needs parents willing to talk to this lovely human?

It's OK to not love every single thing about being a parent. Having doubts and regrets is normal and ok, as long as you're still the parent they need (which it sounds like you very much are). Thoughts are not actions. Feelings are not always reality.

Great. If you don't want children, don't have them. That's your choice, good for you for not bringing a child into the world simply because it's "what you're supposed to do".

Don't accept toxic people in your life. Life is too short for games and unclear communication. Cut off contact, block, whatever you have to do. Don't waste energy on people who are unwilling to communicate.

What a wonderful thing, finding beauty in things that differ from what you're used to. The world would be a kinder place if we embraced these differences instead of running from them.

Death is a confusing and devastating thing. The way to honor and show love for those who have passed is continuing to live on their behalf by doing what they couldn't, bringing them with you. It's not easy, but I can say without a doubt he'd be so proud of you.

An unfortunate trend is that the kindest and most caring people are the ones who are taken advantage of. People insecure with themselves find targets to make themselves feel more powerful, and they often choose ones too kind to fight back. You're loved by those who matter.

It's difficult to cut off contact, but it's more difficult to keep a secret from someone who should be your partner. If you keep this contact a secret from your wife, it means you harness guilt. Please consider how you would feel if the situation was reversed.

A wise woman (my mom) once said, when I was insecure about my small chest, "more than a mouthful is wasteful". It was awful
Really though, your approval of yourself is the only one that matters. You get one body, one face. Learn to love them. They're beautiful because they're you

YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. YOU ARE NOT BEYOND HELP.
You're more loved than you realize and there is an enormous amount of life you haven't encountered yet. A lapse is not a relapse, it's OK to feel bad again but it doesn't mean you're stuck. Please reach out.

People can't help you if they don't know you need help. The reason they ask is because they care. They notice you're struggling, but likely don't want to overstep. Let them. People meddle because they love you and they care.

It is awful! But wow, it's so common. I've struggled with this, I once attended a support group full of people who struggled with this. If it's interfering with your quality of life (it is), get help. Find someone who specializes in it and reach out. You deserve to love yourself

A very underrated way to not have any regrets is to DO THE THING YOU FEAR REGRETTING. There is no better time in the history of the world than now to embrace the beautiful person you are. It's not easy, but it's infinitely easier than living as someone you're not. Xx

OK one, extremely proud of you for taking ownership of your identity. Realize that they may respond with shock, but shock does not equal rejection. Give them time to process and in the meantime realize you have a whole army (hi, I'm there too) behind you and supporting you. Xx

It may be my incredibly naive belief in love and trust, but I fully believe that we as human beings can at least somewhat sense the intentions of others. Watch for signs, follow your gut- it's likely correct. You deserve pure and wholesome love, money is irrelevant.

Here's the thing about decisions we've already made; THEY'RE DONE. All we can do moving forward is make choices based on our ever-changing values and priorities. Everything you've done has gotten you to where you are, and you're still here. That's pretty amazing. Xx

Unfortunately the loneliest moments come after sex with someone who doesn't value you. It becomes somewhat of an addiction, each low driving you to repeat the cycle. Surround yourself by people who love you, let them know so they can support you. You're more than just a body.

It is NEVER the fault of the person who is victimized. It makes you feel dirty and bad and wrong, but it is 100% the fault of the person who victimized you. I am so proud of you for taking your life back, but it's OK to feel whatever you're feeling. You're a damn champ.

Everyone's way of handling grief is drastically different. No way is right or wrong. Everything you feel is valid, and it's nobody's right to judge whether or not your response is good enough, whether you're grieving hard enough.

Your friend doesn't need your help or advice. It's not your job to fix things, it's your job to provide support. You're doing that by listening. You're an extremely good friend and they're lucky to have you.

Losing someone so central to your life is extremely wrong and more difficult than I can imagine. Grief is a long process, and it's not linear. I guarantee that you aren't the only one feeling this. Say it to someone you trust, the first time will be the hardest. You can. ❤️

It's extremely difficult to trust that somebody loves and cares about you when you don't yet love and care about yourself. I urge you to get professional help or find a support group because it's difficult to see reality when everything you see is skewed by self-hatred.

Loss of a romantic love can feel like trauma. It can prevent you from being emotionally open to other relationships in the future out of fear of being hurt again. Every relationship isn't doomed to end painfully, but if you go into it with a closed mind and heart it can't succeed

An often unacknowledged form of self-harm is constantly exposing yourself to things that are emotionally painful. This person cannot be changed, but you can limit their ability to impact you by cutting them out. Block them on social media, don't discuss them, protect yourself.

Hoping for a future so different to your life now is daunting. Pick one small goal at a time, good habits take time to build but you have to work very hard at them. Bad habits take time to build and time to break. It doesn't happen overnight, but you can do it. A step at a time.

Those who trivialize your pain have no place in your circle of support. Love her as a sister, but find real family, the kind you choose, to keep in your corner. Everyone responds to trauma differently, but no way is wrong. Nobody has the right to tell you you're coping wrong.

Hello media, please stop showing one body type for men and one for women. We are all so different and amazing. The fact that we can wake up and function every day is incredible. Stop criticizing bodies. Stop telling us we don't look good enough. You're breaking everyone.

A very irritating and unfortunate aspect of human nature is the fact that we are all extremely self-centered. We believe that we cause and influence everything when we simply don't. Please don't interpret a low libido as a reflection on your beauty and value.

It's so easy to isolate, to create a self-imposed prison to close out the outside world and eliminate the threat of being hurt again. Unfortunately, that also shuts out all the good that genuinely good people bring (I promise they exist). Trust your gut, but be open to the good.

The way to avoid falling back into old patterns is not to hide them, but to take ownership. Make apologies you need to make, be honest with them and yourself about the harm you caused. It's only by reconciling your past self with your present self that you can put it behind you.

This is petty revenge and I am 100% here for it.

Depression is an illness. If she were throwing up for weeks straight unable to move, you wouldn't tell her everything was OK. You'd get her help. So get her help. Everything will be OK, but not if you don't get the help she needs. As painful as it is to admit, you can't fix this.

Don't postpone your own happiness waiting for someone else. If you keep the idea in your mind that you may one day be together, you'll never fully be able to give yourself to someone else. It's awful and painful but holding out hope is robbing you of other opportunities.

Nobody has the right to tell you you're living your life wrong. Own your happiness. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with your decision. People have a hard time accepting worldviews other than their own and you don't have to justify yourself to them.

Being used by someone means nothing about your own worth, it's a reflection of their own toxicity. Follow your gut, don't forget your value, realize you were not at fault.

You have been dealt a GARBAGE hand at this point in life, but guess what? You've survived which shows you're SO MUCH STRONGER than most. You have so much to give and teach to those around you. Use your struggles to show others that they can do it too. YOU DESERVE LIFE. Please

The only way to 100% guarantee that your career in the arts will go nowhere is not to pursue it. Don't throw away something that gives you purpose out of fear. Success looks different in everyone's eyes, maybe your success just means listening to your heart and pursuing happiness

Feel free to mute this thread, it's going to go on for a while. I've got 30+ more to respond to and more coming in. I'm not going to stop until I'm done because you all deserve to be heard and validated. Mute away. Ok bye I love you

I identify with this so much. Realize that it's not usually about the food. Try to sit with the feelings that come up when you're battling those urges. They're going to suck, it's going to be uncomfortable. Know that these behaviors breed and grow from shame and secrecy.

Someone abusing their power in such an evil way is entirely about them and their own personal demons. It is not in any way a reflection on you and your beauty and value. If you haven't already, please talk to someone. This is not something to be ashamed of, you were a victim.

Maybe you're an artist. Maybe you're a writer. There is no single kind of intelligence. Struggling in school isn't any more shameful than being unable to draw. If you'd like to finish school, find a tutor who specializes in learning disabilities. If it's not for you, that's ok.

I'm not sure what you mean by "that" person, but I do know that you've internalized whatever it means to you. That means you approach every person&situation, as "that" person. You don't allow yourself to be seen and heard in a genuine way because you've accepted this identity.

Your brain, how do I put this lightly-
Is a dirty stinkin liar.

Using substances (even legal ones) in excess to numb yourself and avoid reality is just a different form of self-harm. Eating a delicious donut might make you forget for a few seconds that your arm is broken, but it's still broke. Ask for help. Find a professional. Start healing.

The mark of a good parent is constantly worrying that you're not a good enough parent. It's the parents who think they can do no wrong that need to worry (but won't). All you can do is your very best, and wow. You're fucking killing it.

Is it impossible because you don't believe you deserve it, or you think you're too much of a burden for someone to handle? Those are intrusive thoughts that keep us from fully exploring our potential. The worst thing that can happen isn't a failure, the worst thing is not trying.

Anxiety is not shameful. Panic is not embarrassing. It sucks, yes. Absolutely. But you didn't choose this. NOBODY would choose to live with panic and anxiety if given the choice. It's the hand that many of us were dealt. It doesn't make us useless. It makes us stronger.

Dating is harder the older you get, it's an unfortunate truth. It has nothing to do, however, with how lovable you are. It is not a reflection of how much you deserve love. It is far from impossible. The only way to guarantee a life without a partner is to stop looking. ❤️

Giving yourself to someone on that level is scary. With a history of abuse, it's terrifying. The most important thing is to find a partner who you trust fully with your past and your concerns. It's a partnership, meaning you are both invested and vulnerable. There is no rush.

It's not that nobody notices, it's that you refuse to let them see. We have a tendency to put every effort into hiding the things that hurt us most and feel lonely and lost because we're so good at it that nobody can tell there's anything wrong. Tell someone. There is no shame.

Codependent relationships often blind you to everything else that used to matter. If you alienated people, apologize. Try to remember what used to interest you. Join clubs, reach out; it's like stretching a muscle you haven't used in a while. It'll be hard, but it gets easier.

Half the danger of eating disorders are the physical reprocussions, half of the danger comes from how much they mess with your brain. This disorder isn't you. It's set on your destruction, but it's so deeply rooted that it's hard to differentiate it from yourself. Please get help

The only wasted thing in your life is the time you spend worrying you're not good enough. You owe it to yourself to acknowledge how far you've gotten and how much you've accomplished. One day I truly hope the smile you show is genuine.

One thing I've learned in life is that it's NEVER too late for an apology. Nobody is ever going to think less of you or be upset with you for taking the time to tell them you're sorry. If not for them, then for you. You owe it to yourself. You will always wonder...until you do it

It may seem enormous and embarrassing to you, but to the outside world it's a little thing that makes you unique. It only impacts you as much as you let it. If you feel like you have to tell people, do it quickly. After your first tic, quickly and casually explain. Move on. ❤️

If you're justifying to yourself that someone your with is "sometimes sweet" but your gut says they're bad for you, listen to it. There's a reason people end up in toxic or even abusive relationships, they don't start out that way. The subtle signs become less subtle. Get out.