As soon as Yoongi opened his eyes, he ran to the bathroom and vomited everything he had eaten in the last hours.
Down on his knees beside the toilet, he held the toilet tight. He felt like shit and he knew why, he just wished he've never woke up.
"Are you okay?" He asked softly.
Yoongi didn't say anything, he just looked at him and came back to the bedroom.
He didn't stop, just kept walking. Closed the door behind him but Jimin opened it anyway.
"Can we talk?"
"No, we can't"
"Please, I need to-"
"What do you want?"
"I need to talk about last night"
"There's nothing to talk about"
"I didn't know, Yoongi, I didn't know you felt something for me"
"I said there's nothing to talk about"
"I didn't know, I swear, I would never-"
"Are you even listening to me?!" Yoongi yelled. Jimin shut up, scared.
"I said I don't want to talk to you, can you understand?"
"Yes, I'm sorry"
"Leave me alone"
Jimin stood there, he didn't move. He didn't want to go because he had a bad feeling about this. He was afraid that if he'd do obey Yoongi and go, something will going
"Did you hear?"
"I don't want to leave you alone"
"I don't care about what you want. When are you going to stop being so fucking selfish?"
Jimin took a deep breath trying to calm himself.
"I won't need you"
'Stop' Jimin thought. 'You're hurting me so bad'. He wanted Yoongi to stop cut him with his words but at the same time he wanted to stay to carry Yoongi sadness and anger on his shoulders, 'cause it was his fault.
Yoongi was doing his job, he was there, annoyed and in bad mood, but he wa there trying to dance and pretending to rap
Jimin stood in his place ready to get close to him and practice his dance's steps. Jimin was nervous.
Yes, probably he was too selfish to understand what 'I need space' meant, but he wasn't used to
Whatever, he was about to walk to him, and he felt Yoongi's hand in his arm, warm and strong, he wanted to
"Hey, where are you going?" Namjoon said laughing. "Your position is over there"
He didn't care where his damn position was.
"Are you alright?" The leader asked him.
"I know exactly what you're doing" Jimin said to Namjoon one day.
"Seriously? Please tell me" he joked.
"You're trying to keep me apart from Yoongi"
"Look, Jimin. I don't know what the hell happened between you and him because he didn't tell
"Thank you for the reminder" Jimin complained.
"Look, I don't want to know what happened, I just want you to know that I know Yoongi more than you do and he is hurting... Bad"
Jimin closed his eyes.
"Whatever you're doing I ask you to stop
"I know you're doing it, but it isn't working. He is still hurting. It won't stop until
"I'll try" Jimin said with tears in his eyes.
"I promise you I'll help you talk to him when he's ready"
"Now, stop crying and go to rest" Namjoon said with a smile full of love, Jimin smiled back.
Hi guys. Before I continue this au, I have to make clear some things.
I received recently some messages telling me that Blue is toxic.
1. I believe that people can read, like, and have a valid opinion on literature. That's why I love literature-
2. I am aware that the characters are having a very sh*tty behavior:
Let me tell you that I do believe that Nam is still a young man with insecureties and problems as everyone and even if he is the leader, that doesn't-
I'm trying to make Nam very realistic, this is an canon au.
• Jimin 'as the bad guy'. The plot of this au is very sad as I teased before I started it. The comunications problems always lead to misunderstandings.
• Yoongi is an *sshole.
Like I said, there's a lot of things you don't know about him. He can be wrong or right, you'll figure it out.
3. I really want to say that I always stick my ideas, so, what you'll read -
I don't support or want to make you support 'toxic' relationships. I just want to make it realistic.
This things happen in real life, people misunderstand things and don't talk and get confuse. We people are a mess😂.
People can change. They do, actually, for good or for bad. And sometimes we do things and we hurt the one's we love. That happens more often than you think.
Keep that in mind.
End of the Author's Note💧📜💧
"Is everything okay?" Namjoon asked to Yoongi.
"Yeah," Yoongi replied. "I just need to stay 3 or 4 more hours and the song is done"
Namjoon got close to his friend and watched him with his eyes glued to the screen, with his right hand in the mouse and the other on the keys
"I didn't mean that. How are things going with Jimin?"
Yoongi's face expression didn't change, and Namjoon knew Yoongi was pretending he didn't hear because of his headphones.
"I noticed that you are trying to avoid him. I tried to help you because you looked
There was a long silence.
"Things aren't right with Jimin, that's right" Yoongi said.
"Would you like to talk?" Namjoon asked.
"Will you listen to this part of the song? I think it needs-"
Namjoon put his headphones over the table and stood
"Will you ever stop avoiding me when I try to help you?"
Yoongi rolled his eyes, but Namjoon's face expressed so much stress and worry. Yoongi tried to ignore it.
"I am worried, Yoongi" Namjoon said. "I need you to tell me what happened how I can help"
"I'm just tired"
"You're always tired lately," Namjoon said. "It's getting very hard to have a good practice
"I think I can deal with things on my own"
"No, you can't, you don't have to," Namjoon said. "Me, Jimin and the boys can help you-"
"I don't give a fuck!" Yoongi yelled and then was
Namjoon felt weak, like he was about to break in pieces. But right now he had to stick his pieces together because he needed to hold Yoongi.
"What happened?" Namjoon asked softly.
"I don't care"
"You do, it's okay"
Namjoon waited for Yoongi to calm a little
"It's all messed up..." Yoongi said. "I ruined everything with Jimin"
"How is that posible?"
"You like him?"
"I don't know, okay?" Yoongi said "Jealousy is normal in any relationship, and I've always been
"Did you do anything against Jimin because of your jealousy?"
"I just said rude things that I don't really think about him" Yoongi said. "But I don't seem to know how to make it right with him. He brought the worst
"Do you feel angry right now?"
"Yes" Yoongi said with a broken voice.
"What happened between you two?"
Yoongi kept quiet. He didn't want to say it.
"That night we stayed late with him drinking... He told me that he liked me" Yoongi said.
"And what did you do?"
"I just laughed"
Namjoon didn't say anything.
"Why am I like this?" Yoongi asked. "Why do I say and do things that hurt people like that?"
"No, it's not. My reaction was impulsive, it came naturally like that, I laughed at
"No, Yoongi, you don't deserve pain"
"You don't know me"
"Seems like you were talking about a monster"
"I feel like I'm becoming one..."
"Listen," the leader said trying to get his attention. "You're not a monster and you can't become something you aren't, okay?"
Yoongi was shaking his head trying to get some ideas out his head.
"Yoongi, breathe" Namjoon asked.
Yoongi was doing his best. But he let Namjoon's hands go, he stood up and tried to get more air.
"Yoongi, please, sit down" Namjoon begged. "Let's breathe together, okay?"
"Please" Namjoon cried.
Yoomgi did as Namjoon said and they worked together to calm each other.
"Are you feeling better?"
Yoongi didn't answer, he was so ashamed. He was so damn scared and his hands were shaking. He felt weak and tired.
"Whatever you need, call me, okay?"
Yoongi didn't look at him but he said "Thank you" before the leader left the room.
Namjoon left Yoongi alone in his room to sleep. He knew that probably he'll have a headache so he went for some pills.
"Hyung" Namjoon entered in Jin's bedroom. "Did you buy some- oh, I didn't know you were showering" Namjoon said as soon as he saw Jin
"It's okay, what do you need?"
"Did you buy some pills? Yoongi has a headache and-"
"Is he sick?" Jin asked worried.
"No" Namjoon smiled. "He's just under so much stress"
He sighed, hard question.
"That's why you cried?"
Namjoon quickly strocked his eyes to clean any sign of tears.
"What do you say?" He said with a awkward laugh.
"Hyung noticed you are stressed too" he said. "How is everything going?"
"It's hard... Like... You know, I always need to have something good to say? The members trust me more than I do... And lately I'm not
He didn't remember Jin looking that beautiful before.
Namjoon smirked back.
"You know we couldn't do this without you, right? You're the one that always save us somehow" the leader said. "You just make it look like it
But that wasn't the worst part. Being left out, knowing that the boys planed
Yoongi felt so damn rejected and disgusted. He wasn't going to work today, he just wanted to be alone and didn't want to be seen.
He went straight to Twitter and searched for what he thought it would make him feel better:
Months ago he would get angry, but right now...
He spent all day inside his studio, trying to sleep in the couch and not having any luck.
His phone was full of notifications, he ignored them.
"Good morning" he said with a raspy voice to whoever he found there.
"Oh, shit- Sorry, I didn't know" Yoongi said as he saw Jimin and Taemin kissing and touching against the
"Oh, no. I apologise" Taemin said.
"Good morning, Yoongi" Jimin said shyly.
He just went for what he was looking for: a damn coffee and he wasn't going to run away, not today.
"I'll see you at night, let's go partying for our success" Taemin whispered to Jimin.
"I'll go. Good morning, Yoongi, have a good day!" Taemin said.
Yoongi gave him a thumb up because his mouth was busy drinking coffee.
So, he stood beside the table and his hands grabbed some of the chairs trying to make time for Yoongi to finally invite him to stay.
They always played that game.
"I am" Jimin said. "Last time I ate was 6 hours ago"
"Did you go 'partying'? Did you drink?"
"Actually, I brought the party here, Taemin
"Okay, that's disgusting" Yoongi said.
"Hey, we didn't!"
"That little scene I had to watch minutes ago don't say the same"
"That's not fair! As it isn't fair that you still think me and Taemin are a thing"
"Whatever you call it," Yoongi said. "To me, that
"Okay, I understood. I guess you won't get use to it"
"I'm not judging you, Jimin. I'm just telling you that I'm not that kind of person. I can't fuck without love, that's all"
"If you want to say it like that"
"That's why you didn't come to see me and Taemin? Because you weren't feeling it? I know you're not into dance but-"
"I wanted to go, but I didn't know the date or the time"
"The guys came"
"Well, they didn't invite
"Why would they do that?"
"For the same reason that I'm here, having breakfast alone? Because I'm too much to handle?"
"What?" Jimin said sitting right beside Yoongi. "What are you saying?"
"Shit, 'get up Yoongi, you'll have a good day' I said" Yoongi whispered
"Listen, Jimin" Yoongi sighed. "I won't discuss this right now, I'm not in the mood" Yoongi said standing up to leave the room.
"No, you're not running away, I want to know, I want answers" Jimin said holding his hands. "What is going on with you? I wanna help"
"Because you wreck me" Yoongi said but instead of making it a dramatic confession, he burst into laughter.
Jimin smirked reacting to Yoongi's nervous laugh. He never saw his hyung acting like that.
"How is that?" Jimin asked.
Yoongi laughed again.
"I don't understand you"
"The feeling is mutual"
"It's not that..." Yoongi shook his head. "Look, I really wanted to go to see you and Taemin. I know you both worked hard on this" Yoongi said.
"I'm not mad at all" Jimin said. "I just worry a lot when you didn't come"
Jimin smiled and Yoongi couldn't keep talking.
"I'm sorry too for making you feel uncomfortable. You told me
"You weren't" Yoongi said. "I promise you I don't mind, I don't judge you for that at all"
"We were both drunk. How could I judge you for something you said when you were drunk?"
"But tell me,"
"It doesn't matter how I felt" Yoongi said. "The thing is that
Jimin's smile faded into a forced one when he heard that.
"Thank you, hyung, but I don't think it's going to work.
"Are you sure?" Yoongi asked. "Listen, Jimin. Love is rare to find. If you ever find it you have to catch it"
"I appreciate your advice" Jimin said. "But... I like someone else"
"Oh, yes? And why are you with Taemin if you like someone else?"
"I. Am. Not. With. Taemin" Jimin said. "And I know this person knows that very well, so that isn't stopping them
"So, what wrong?"
"I think they're just coward" Jimin laughed like a child after doing a prank. Yoongi laughed too and accepted Jimin's game.
He wasn't even sure if this someone was him but in some way he felt like Jimin was mocking him.
"I'm not telling you!" he said trying to scape.
"Why? Aren't we friends?" Yoongi didn't stop.
"I won't- tell yo-u" Jimin laughed.
"I'm glad to see you finally being close to each other" Taehyung said
The members were around so he knew they weren't comfortable with talking right now about the rumors.
So, he just:
Jimin closed the door.
"Speak right now" Jimin asked.
"Me? You said you were going to talk first!" Yoongi complained.
"Please!" Yoongi complained.
Jimin walked to Yoongi and kissed him. The older froze and let Jimin kiss him. After a few seconds, when Jimin noticed that Yoongi wasn't kissing him back, he opened his eyes and took a step far from him.
"Jimin" Yoongi talked with a raspy voice.
"Hey" Yoongi said reaching him and holding him by his wrists.
"I might look like a slut to you right now, a play boy. I'm not that, I swear I never wanted to hurt you, I swear! I just wanted you to like
"Jimin..." Yoongi called trying to call him down, but he was still trying to scape.
"I felt ugly and stupid, so as soon as Taemin told me I was pretty I fucked him.
He took a few seconds to breathe.
Yoongi smiled. He was overwhelmed by the information but he was still happy to hear Jimin said that he liked him back.
"I'm not good with words," Yoongi said letting Jimin wrists go.
Jimin smiled softly.
"...Jimin" Yoongi called and held his hands avoiding the eye contact. "You have the power to break me in pieces, you have no idea what you were doing when you said
"And if you ask me if you ever hurt me... You did, a million times. I hated you for liking me and for making me feel like I wanted to try. I didn't understand why would you like me, and why would I like you back... I wondered if I
Jimin squeezed Yoongi's hands.
"I convinced myself that I didn't like you and that you were just playing games with me, I deleted all your pictures from my phone" Jimin looked at Yoongi surprised.
Then, he let Jimin's hands go and looked at the floor.
"But what happened in Taemin's house... That was disgusting..." Yoongi whispered.
"I know" Jimin said.
"I know it was fucked up. I thought you didn't like me and I was hurt so I just wanted to
"It was stupid" Yoongi said. "But I did a lot of stupid things too"
"Will you forgive me?" Jimin asked holding Yoongi's hand shyly.
"Only if you forgive me too"
"Of course" Jimin said quickly.
"Don't you dare run away right now" Jimin said hugging him.
"Me? You were the one scaping when things started to get interesting" Yoongi complained.
Yoongi kissed Jimin soft and slow. His arms wrapped around Jimin's waist and he
When Yoongi kissed Jimin's neck he shuddered. Fingers strocking hair and they were gasping.
"You said you didn't have sex without love" Jimin said.
"I love you"
Yoongi was sat on the bed, Jimin was on his lap and they were both naked. Just kissing and touching seemed to be enough: skin against skin, warm and soft. Yoongi enjoyed touching Jimin's hair and turning it in
Jimin loved kissing Yoongi's neck and feel him squirm and gasp below him. He liked to bite sometimes and make Yoongi laugh.
"I hate you," Yoongi said suddenly. "You're leaving marks"
"I want to be closer to you" Jimin whispered.
"I still want to feel you everywhere" Jimin confessed.
Yoongi stroked Jimin's back all the way down until he touched his ass. Jimin put his arms around Yoongi's neck getting himself a little bit higher to give his
Trying not to lose control, Jimin closed his eyes and whispered:
"It's okay, go as slow as you want"
Yoongi kissed him again and squeezed Jimin's ass making him gasp.
With the condom on, Yoongi pressed inside Jimin and the younger just
"Sorry," he said, but Yoongi was laughing too. "I'm nervous"
"Don't have to be" Yoongi whispered in his ear with a raspy and calm voice.
"I know" he replied. "I just want you so bad"
"So it's true that you never tried lovemaking"
"Are you going to teach me?" he gasped.
"People say I'm patient" Yoongi said. "I can repeat the lesson all the times you need to learn" Yoongi moaned
They both moaned when Yoongi bottomed out. Jimin licked his lips and took a deep breath.
"Oh, Jiminie" Yoongi gasped looking at his partner in the eyes. "You're beautiful"
Jimin was breathing hard but managed to say: "...and you're the man of my dreams"
"Sweet" he said.
They were both breathing hard. Their voices sounded more like moans and then they started to fuck with earnst.
Jimin moved down to meet Yoongi's hips and they started to kiss. They were biting eachother's
Sharing the same air, they were laughing and gasping at the same time. Jimin was surprise by how comfortable he was feeling, because, sex for him was about pleasing and rudeness, about desire, and now he descovered that it could be about
Looking at Yoongi's eyes the whole time felt like home. And he was smiling and laughing because he was feeling like it.
They both came in eachother's arms.
"Hello? Hyungs? Are you okay there?" Jungkook asked with a calm voice, trying not to be rude.
"Stop fucking and come out side! If you don't drink water you're going to die!" Hoseok was there too,
Yoongi took one of his pillows and throw it against the door.
"Leave me alone" Yoongi complained.
He heard some laughs.
"Jiminie, are you alive over there? Be careful, grumpy Yoongi hyung is up!" Was that Jungkook? Hoseok was
Yoongi opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. He looked at the time: 9:45 AM.
He couldn't help but smile even if he was annoyed by his friends. He turned around to see his partner. Jimin was sleeping between
"What time is it?" He asked softly with his eyes still closed. Yoongi kissed his forehead.
Jimin opened his eyes and smiled as soon as he saw Yoongi's face.
"Sorry that you have to see my bare face" Jimin said hidding behind the sheets.
"But not like this. I want you to like me" Jimin whispered.
"I like you like this, with make up, dressed and naked, I like you" Yoongi said. "And if I didn't like you, you'd be beautiful ass well"
Jimin kissed him
"Thank you" he said.
"For the lovely night?" Jimin said and kissed him again.
TYSM to everybody who gave Blue a chance. You guys are amazing. Hope this Au made you feel something; at the end of the day, that's the point of writing literature.
This was a very beautiful and sad journey. 💙