Thread by @amyhoy

lately i've been seeing folks get slowly sucked into what i consider "toxic mentorship". how about a thread?

fact: most people do not give good advice. bad advice is the most common kind. bad advice is typically:

1. broad, aphoristic
2. kneejerk
3. irrespective of specific circumstance
4. not reliant on data
5. discouraging OR encouraging

if somebody takes a look at your product or hears your idea and says, you CAN MAKE that work — or YOU CAN'T make that work — 99 times out of 100, you're getting bad advice

if they go on to tell you things like:

"your price is too high"
"design isn't good enough"
"needs x feature…"
"that's already been done"
"what if you did xyz…"

that's just more bad advice, with a twist of detail for believability

bad advice isn't toxic: it's ignorant, but well-meaning. & it's about your thing, the market, your skill level, etc.

toxic advice is about YOU.

toxic advice says, "YOU CAN BE a winner…
…but only if you do it MY WAY.
[and if you don't, YOU are and WILL ALWAYS BE a LOSER]."

toxic advice gets under your skin by attacking YOU, as a person. your self-concept. your friend network. your ability to trust in the world around you. your relationships. your health.

it works to undermine all of those, because *that's how cults work.*

when someone says, "the only way to success is through me," it's a cult.

when they say, "you can't be a winner without dumping all your friends," it's a cult.

when they say, "don't trust anyone — assume everyone is lying until you can prove otherwise [except me, lol]" — CULT!

these examples aren't exaggerated. they're from *recent emails* from a *specific* person who claims to teach people how to "become winners," brought to me by a 30x500 alum who thought they were pretty good actually!

they are not. they are toxic.

the second you notice a "guru" attacking your self-image, your connections, or whatever it is about you that you value — be done. they've revealed their nature. anything else they MIGHT say will be tainted.

just *one* drop of rat poison in a drink is too much.

so to sum it up:

good advice: "what's the data say?"
good advice: "i tried this/saw this specifically and…"
bad advice: "this will/won't work, change this, change that"
toxic advice: "YOU are a winner/loser, do what i say, you must sacrifice, isolate yourself"

i made this flowchart to help you spot and avoid toxic advice / toxic mentors in the wild (because they're out there, and they're sneaky).

👉🏻 stackingthebricks.com/entreporn/

there are a lot of would-be cult leaders out there, folks. they look and sound like normal people at first, and they are in every field of endeavor from Beanie Baby collecting to startups. they thirst for power, and they know how to hit where you are softest. watch your feelings.