LIVE TWEETING THE 2ND CIVIL WAR: Based on texts from my large adult son Geoffrey on the battlefield of the Democrat Uprising. 
12:24 PM
My large adult son Geoffrey and his friends from World of Warcraft have arrived at the strip mall and taken up position near Bed, Bath & Beyond, steeling themselves for the imminent onslaught.
My large adult son Geoffrey and his friends from World of Warcraft have arrived at the strip mall and taken up position near Bed, Bath & Beyond, steeling themselves for the imminent onslaught.
12:31 PM
Kenneth, one of Geoffrey’s friends, has heard reports of commando squads of feminist stealth assassins, trained by Maxine Waters herself.
Kenneth, one of Geoffrey’s friends, has heard reports of commando squads of feminist stealth assassins, trained by Maxine Waters herself.
12:34 PM
Geoffrey has asked Kenneth to circle the parking lot with his megaphone, advising citizens to evacuate the area for their own safety. The atmosphere is tense.
Geoffrey has asked Kenneth to circle the parking lot with his megaphone, advising citizens to evacuate the area for their own safety. The atmosphere is tense.
12:37 PM
My large adult son Geoffrey is supervising the construction of a fortified barricade outside Lady Foot Locker. Hoping to force a bottleneck of left-wing forces on the exposed ground in front of Qdoba Mexican Grill.
My large adult son Geoffrey is supervising the construction of a fortified barricade outside Lady Foot Locker. Hoping to force a bottleneck of left-wing forces on the exposed ground in front of Qdoba Mexican Grill.
12:41 PM
All clear. No sign of liberal marauders.
All clear. No sign of liberal marauders.
12:47 PM
Dalton, one of Geoffrey’s friends, is getting hot. He is going to take off his samurai armor.
Dalton, one of Geoffrey’s friends, is getting hot. He is going to take off his samurai armor.
12:54 PM
My large adult son Geoffrey is asking passers-by for intel on the latest movements of the feared Soros Brigade. Alas, the fog of war remains to be lifted.
My large adult son Geoffrey is asking passers-by for intel on the latest movements of the feared Soros Brigade. Alas, the fog of war remains to be lifted.
1:04 PM
Geoffrey’s platoon is being approached by a group of mustachioed teens, likely MS-13.
Geoffrey’s platoon is being approached by a group of mustachioed teens, likely MS-13.
1:08 PM
The teens entered Smoothie King. Probably being used as some kind of armory.
The teens entered Smoothie King. Probably being used as some kind of armory.
1:14 PM
Still no sign of Democrat shock troops. Geoffrey reports that the birds in the area all seem to be flying west. He believes this could be important, asked me to report it for crowdsourcing.
Still no sign of Democrat shock troops. Geoffrey reports that the birds in the area all seem to be flying west. He believes this could be important, asked me to report it for crowdsourcing.
1:19 PM
My large adult son Geoffrey is preparing to deploy his quadcopter drone to secure a tactical view of the area.
My large adult son Geoffrey is preparing to deploy his quadcopter drone to secure a tactical view of the area.
1:27 PM
My large adult son Geoffrey left the batteries for his quadcopter drone at home.
My large adult son Geoffrey left the batteries for his quadcopter drone at home.
1:34 PM
Geoffrey’s brave platoon continues to survey the parking lot for liberal guerrillas while loudly humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic.
Geoffrey’s brave platoon continues to survey the parking lot for liberal guerrillas while loudly humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic.
1:39 PM
Kenneth is leaving. He says he has run out of something called “vape juice.” I curse that coward, abandoning my large adult son, his own brother in arms, during our nation’s hour of need.
Kenneth is leaving. He says he has run out of something called “vape juice.” I curse that coward, abandoning my large adult son, his own brother in arms, during our nation’s hour of need.
1:51 PM
My large adult son Geoffrey believes the leftist renegades might be delaying the attack to lull our god-fearing forces into a false sense of security. He pledges to remain vigilant.
My large adult son Geoffrey believes the leftist renegades might be delaying the attack to lull our god-fearing forces into a false sense of security. He pledges to remain vigilant.
2:04 PM
Dalton has convinced the group to get smoothies at Smoothie King. Geoffrey promises to report back.
Dalton has convinced the group to get smoothies at Smoothie King. Geoffrey promises to report back.
2:24 PM
It's been 20 minutes since I last heard from Geoffrey. I can only assume that the strip mall has been utterly devastated by bloodthirsty regiments of the Democrat Party. I am now retreating to my bunker. All further communications will be made via short-wave radio.
It's been 20 minutes since I last heard from Geoffrey. I can only assume that the strip mall has been utterly devastated by bloodthirsty regiments of the Democrat Party. I am now retreating to my bunker. All further communications will be made via short-wave radio.
