Hey @IKEAUK, big fan but what were you thinking with the ALEX draw set? The draws are *precisely* 1mm narrower than the length of an A4 sheet, so paper has to go in lengthways leaving loads of dead space. It's like something a sinister carpenter would design to drive someone mad.
So @IKEAUK, I offer you this dilemma: either sort out my fiendishly inefficient cabinet, or delegate someone to discuss the movie KRULL with me, and I will be placated. Choose wisely: I'm about to start watching KRULL.
KRULL begins with a sort of bladed frisbee whirling through space, heralded by a triumphant fanfare. Then, merry bucolic strings accompany the arrival of what appears to be a vast tree trunk around a twin-sunned world. Off to a good start.
The big tree stump just smashed into the planet and became a castle: BANG, genre shift. Some blokes are coming out and waving sticks now, I think shit is about to kick off. There's a geezer in a cracking purple ensemble now, I think he's in charge.
This is so much brighter and airier than Conan, and looks far more expensive. The only connection seems to be the extended shots of horses thundering about, and the sheer preponderance of LARP-quality studded leather.
Honestly, the score, the architecture and the weird royalty stuff is really bringing star wars to mind more than anything else. The spears are shooting lasers, and they're even ripping off Mars: the Burger of War whenever the bad men are onscreen.
Ok, 'Mars: The Burger of War' was a typo, but even so. If they sold it at burger king I'd eat little else.
Oh. The Princess has been captured, I think I can see where this is headed. (Pictured: Turkey Boy is clearly captivated by KRULL.) 
The man who is clearly the hero has been handed a necklace which closely resembles the knife-frisbee from the credits. This is clearly an item of cosmic significance. He's headed off to the tree stump to fight someone called THE BEAST and save the princess.
The cat has abandoned the film. The prince just fished the real deal knife frisbee out of some lava after a way-too-cheerily scored mountain climb. I have to say, while it's a lot prettier than Conan, and a lot less disturbing, I was way more gripped by Conan.
I wasn't paying attention for a moment, and a comedy character seems to have appeared and... turned himself into a goose. Yes: this is tonally _very_ different to Conan.
For all its issues, Conan was made with a specific vision in mind and absolutely nailed it. KRULL is better acted, higher budget, but totally feels like something designed to cash in on popular trends.
Introducing: migraine gandalf
Every time I look back at the film after tweeting, KRULL seems to have snuck an extra character onto the screen. Some manner of boy just shared a sweet with the self-goosing wizard, and now everyone's off on horses again.
They have entered an 80s Fantasy Swamp. I bloody love an 80s Fantasy Swamp. If I had riches beyond measure, I'd have one built to relax in, complete with mist and tree stumps.
Oh hang about, what's this
While I'm still attempting to emotionally process that cyclops, can I just say how much I think I would have loved KRULL if I'd seen it when I was 11. The episodic pacing is perfect. Speaking of which: boom! Here comes the QUICKSAND SCENE.
Hard times for Migraine Gandalf
The cyclops has got this brilliant sort of toasting fork that he hurls into peoples' necks when he needs to, and I have to say that his quiet, melancholy dignity is really winning me over to KRULL.
OK I had to go for a minute, but have returned to an incredibly stressfully-scored sequence with an ace crystalline spider, an hourglass, and a cavern-of-webs-and-skeletons that makes the whole Shelob setup in ROTK look like a little bit of an homage to say the least!
Good grief, I went to make a cup of tea and on my return they were STILL dealing with the spider. Now they're in the woods again, the muttonchops man is dying, and it seems the last act is about to kick into gear.
Holy shit lads these MAJESTIC CLYDESDALE HORSES just rolled in out of nowhere, and it's the first thing in the film that seems to have stirred a moment of excitement in the poor cyclops.
THE HORSES GO ON FIRE WHEN THEY GALLOP. Alright KRULL, you won my heart.
Our heroes are now assaulting the tree stump. The men with laser spears aren't going to let them win the day that easily though. And what's this? Only THE CYCLOPS, charging into a VALIANT DEATH with his FORK and his BLAZING CLYDESDALE. Sorry, I'm really feeling this.
And after all of that, the cyclops just got slowly mashed in a door like an egg. The movie really played up the fact he had foreknowledge of his own death; no wonder he was so morose, knowing he'd suffer such a turgid demise at the hands of a piece of furniture.
Whoever told me about the borked combat roll take - I just saw it! But I can't stop to talk about that, they are suddenly confronting a tiger. Holy crap, this film doesn't pause for breath when it gets going; it's like a child breathlessly narrating their cough syrup dream.
Ok, important clarification re: the Cyclops, a.k.a the real main character of KRULL:
The main lad is really going to town with his frisbee now, and is duelling THE BEAST, a genuinely unnerving creature who looks like the Predator had a teleporter accident with a chimp and the geezer from the Shape of Water
The tiger seems to be a friend now, but it's poorly :(
THE BEAST is BUST, the fortress is collapsing, and the score has gone Full Adventure Trumpets. Bless you KRULL, now take us in to land.
Well, that's all folks! Have to down tools now to tend to family business, but I will return with my thoughts when I've calmed down a bit in the morning. I enjoyed KRULL quite a bit more than I can really justify, for something that was essentially a long string of random images.
