A quick thread on coming forward about being sexually assaulted:
People are predictably questioning Christine Blasey Ford's credibility for "only now" publicly disclosing that Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her years ago.
There are a host of reasons why victims stay quiet.
People are predictably questioning Christine Blasey Ford's credibility for "only now" publicly disclosing that Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her years ago.
There are a host of reasons why victims stay quiet.
I know this from personal experience. I waited 7yrs before I spoke a word about my rape, which happened when I was 15. I knew my rapist well & struggled to come to terms with what he had done to me. 2/
I was also terrified it would happen again, leading me to completely shut down emotionally. And I couldn't bear the thought of my parents knowing; I didn't want to break their hearts the way mine had been. 3/
I was essentially still a child and had a horrific thing foisted upon me; I did not have the coping mechanisms to adequately process what happened, let alone disclose it to another person. So I shut the hell up and pretended it didn't happen. 4/
One thing to understand: I have a wonderfully supportive family. My parents and siblings have always been my ride or dies. If I couldn't bring myself to disclose my assault to them, how can we expect victims in less than ideal environments to do so? 5/
The fear of being blamed for your assault — "well, why were you walking outside at 10p alone?!" or "what did you think would happen, wearing that?" — is stifling. 6/
What's more, most victims know their attackers. These are people they live with, work with, know socially. The fear of retribution, of being disbelieved by your social circles, is REAL. 7/
And let's not ignore how deeply humiliating it is to disclose such a personal, sexual attack. The thought of delving into details about my assault still, to this day, makes me want to vomit. While the shame lies at the feet of abusers and NEVER victims, it's still humiliating. 8/
Victims’ accounts are often scrutinized to the point of exhaustion. We are asked what we were wearing at the time of the assault, how much we were drinking, how we provoked it, and our sexual histories are leveraged against us as evidence that we “asked for it.” 9/
What’s more, the vast majority of assailants will never spend one day in prison or jail, despite the overwhelming prevalence of sexual assault. And statutes of limitation restrict the window of time victims may file sexual assault charges. 10/
Meanwhile, we witness notorious alleged serial abusers face little-to-no consequences. Case in point: President Trump. It's not uncommon for victims to watch their abusers enjoy success and ascend in power. 11/
To summarize: victim-blaming, power imbalances, humiliation and fear all factor into if and when a victim discloses his/her assault. And these are all tools wielded by certain folks in power today to keep us quiet. To keep us victimized. 12/
You know what's going to shift that? Brave people like Christine Blasey Ford, Anita Hill and others who refuse to stay silent.
It may take some of us a bit longer to come forward, but.... too bad. Try to understand. To empathize. And LISTEN. 13/
It may take some of us a bit longer to come forward, but.... too bad. Try to understand. To empathize. And LISTEN. 13/
Of course, not everyone is or ever will be comfortable coming forward about their assaults. And that's ok too -- I get it. It's traumatizing. Know that there's support out there. Don't be afraid to seek it; because self care IS an act of resistance. FINIS.
