Thread by @clarkeching

I’ve just gotta show you this amazingly simple thinking tool.

I learnt it, a couple of years ago, from my coach, Antoinette.

It changed my life.

I mean that.

Let me show you…

A couple of years ago, while my family and I were preparing to move from our home in Scotland to my homeland, New Zealand, I realised I needed help from a coach.

That might seem odd, given I coach people for a living but I was 47 and, frankly, scared.

I needed help.

A friend recommended Antoinette (@acvross) who runs withinsight coaching. She's based in Edinburgh, like I was (but coaches people all around the world).

I liked Antoinette before I'd met her because her business name was a play on words.

I wish I'd thought of that.

In our second session Antoinette asked me to close my eyes and describe what the “10 out of 10 version of our return home looks like.”

I closed my eyes then started speaking.

I had no idea what would come out ...

I said, “Well, obviously, we’d move to Wellington, the capital city. That’s where the work is. I’ll get a job there no problem. And, so will my wife.”

“And, since we’ve already got a few very good friends there, so it’s not like we’ll be starting entirely fresh.”

“I’ll be able to go bike riding again, like when I lived there during my 20s ... Except, of course, back then, I was single and I lived on the flat. Now I’ve got a family we’d almost certainly have to live up in the hills. It’s not so easy cycling when you live up in the hills.”

“We’ll visit my parents more often. That’s why we’re moving back. They live in Nelson, in the South Island, across the Cook Straight. It’ll be expensive for all 4 of us to fly to there, of course, but we’ll probably go back once every 2, 3 or 4 months.”
I must have frowned...

.. because Antoinette said, “Stop.”

I opened my eyes.

“That doesn’t sound like a 10 out of 10”, she said.

I thought a moment. “No, it doesn't.”

She said, “It sounds more like 6 or a 7 out of 10.”

I nodded.

She was right.

She was definitely right.

I’d instantly compromised with even realising it.

I'd gone for the “easy” solution because ... because, well, it seemed possible.

Antoinette said, “Close your eyes and start again.”

I closed my eyes and started again, but this time I didn’t compromise.

I went for the real 10 out of 10.

“We’ll move to Nelson, which is where I grew up. It’s lovely there. Sunny, most of the year. We can even have BBQs in the middle of winter - if we want.”

“And we can go swimming in the sea from November through April. The girls will love that.”

“It’s a great place for cycling, all year round, too.”

“My parents live in Nelson, so we can see them every week. The kids will especially love that.”

(My mum was sick.

That's why we were moving back.

(She's better now.)

(Thank you for asking.))

“And we can spend time with my brother and sister and their families too.”

“But ...”, I said, realising this 10 out of 10 wasn’t the easy option, “… I’ll still need to work.”

Presented with an obstacle, I set about solving it.

‘I can work in Wellington. It’s an easy 30 minute flight.’

I grimaced.

I didn’t want to be working away 5 days a week

So, presented with another obstacle, I set about solving it.

“I’ll need to figure out how to work away 2 or 3 days a week, and still make enough money to live.’

I nodded to myself. That thought transformed the obstacle from a problem into a challenge.

“We could live very frugally. Or I could figure out how to earn more money … ’

Hmm…

I knew the secret to earning more money was having something scarce, that others wanted or needed, and being able to sell it.

I had the former.

…

But - this is another obstacle - I wasn’t very good at selling myself.

I said, ‘I’ll need to figure out how to feel comfortable selling myself. I’ll need to figure out how to charge fees that reflect the value I deliver, not the hours I work.”

Hmmm …

I said, “I can do that.”

I opened my eyes then looked at Antoinette and smiled.

She smiled back, “That sounds much more like a 10 out of 10.”

I nodded.

It did.

The 10 out of 10 is an ambitious goal, but it’s not fantasy.

There are obstacles.

But when you list the obstacles out, there aren’t that many, and all of them can be overcome with the right motivation.

The pull of a “10 out of 10” is very motivating.

That’s the technique: close your eyes, describe your 10 out of 10, but don’t compromise; list your obstacles then figure out how to overcome them.

My family and I are living our 10 out of 10 today.

In fact, it’s better than expected, but only because we didn’t compromise.