Thread by @cmclymer

I bought a gold lamé pocketbook about two months ago, and it is one of the best purchases I've ever made. You see, every time I take it out, there's just no mistaking it. No cashier can look at it and reach any other conclusion than I must be a woman. (thread)

Any confusion in their brains around my gender identity immediately evaporates when they see it. Sometimes, I can actually see it happen in their facial expressions ever so subtly.

But way more than that, the pocketbook also just makes me happy. It is beautifully feminine. How many of these have I seen in movies in which a glamorous/professional/confident woman takes one out to casually pay for coffee or gather herself before leaving a bar?

I open it, and my cards and IDs are arranged neatly, each with my name on them: "Charlotte Anora Elizabeth Clymer" and "Charlotte A. E. Clymer".

If every item I own were assessed for their ability to diminish dysphoria, my gold lamé pocketbook would receive the very highest marks. It is a sword and a prayer book and a warm hand held simultaneously.

I happen to love red lipstick. I wear it because it makes me happy. I also know it's an effective stop sign for the well-meaning and sometimes oblivious cisgender person who doesn't know how to interact with me based on their accumulated, sex-based social engagements to date.

Whereas a pinker hue might get glossed over, the red leaps out on my ridiculously fair skin. Again, there is no mistaking it. Paired with classy heels and a dress, to them, I am a Woman.

And on its own, it has, in all likelihood, singlehandedly prevented dozens of potential awkward moments of dysphoria from occurring.

My red lipstick is the "terms and conditions" of any conversation with a stranger. "Oh, got it" their eyes seem to say. They click that prompt with their brain, absentminded neurons lazily firing into a signal that converts all pronoun spaces to "she" and "her".

And for the more thoughtful and lovely ally, it initiates a comment like "my kind of gal" in response to something I've said. They are signaling that they see me or tentatively confirming what they see. Either way, I'm personally good with it.

I am lucky in this way. For many trans women--at the very least, this one--our public engagement is often a great balancing act between our particular, desired presentation and a baseline of signals that must be sent out to those around us to sufficiently be recognized as women.

I am lucky that my personal sense of style hits a sweet spot of conventional femininity that is, uh, "non-threatening" but assertive in identity. The most I compromise on is adorning myself to make a quick trip to the store. Earrings, tight jeans, a nice blouse, lipstick.

Things that are easy to put on, make me comfortable in my own skin, and leave no doubt to the potentially confused. And I'm working on the day when no-makeup, sweatpants Charlotte can confidently make an appearance in the produce aisle of your local grocer.

This also irritates me because it's not the reality for many trans folks. I easily assimilate by chance of my personal style. Many trans folks want other things--e.g. beautiful, non-natural-colored hair (green, purple, etc.), certain piercings and tattoos...

...comfort in a body type, masc clothing for femme trans folks, femme clothing for masc trans folks--that are not as accessible. Nor do many trans folks have the resources to buy things that create a more conventional presentation in their identity, even if they wanted that.

This is what it often means to be cisgender: the freedom to create your presentation in a way that can be fun and experimental without fear/worry of being misgendered (and all its woes) or the pressure to present yourself as "normal" so as to have your gender identity validated.

I am lucky, but make no mistake: I am not--nor do I ever wish to be--your example of a trans woman "doing it right" in presentation.

I am doing me. That other trans woman is doing herself. That trans man is doing himself. That trans non-binary/genderqueer/genderfluid person is doing themselves.

These are my sisters, my brothers, my siblings. They are their own people, and none of them should ever feel obligated to "sufficiently pass in a conventional way" for cisgender eyes by playing a bullshit game of respectability.

"Are cisgender people able to do this?"

If "yes", then trans people should be able to do it and receive your respect. Period.

/thread

By popular demand...

Sadly not surprised there are folks attempting to claim I'm defining gender identity for anyone else here or somehow reducing womanhood to lipstick. Clearly, you didn't read the whole thread or did read it and are looking for a reason to be transphobic. No time for that. Blocked.