Profile picture
Santa Shwasty @ChefShwasty
, 8 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
So after brief reflection, I've come to the conclusion that Drunk-Me™ in my early-20's was #MyOwnWorstEnemy

The following are ways that I used to intentionally sabotage myself for jollies:
Drunk-Me™ is #MyOwnWorstEnemy because...

I once invited everyone in a bar back to my place for an "after party." Hour later when I went to leave I wondered why people were following me. Took off running with my friend. We remembered the next day

(Lived withing walking dist)
Drunk-Me™ is #MyOwnWorstEnemy because...

Attended a party in mid-October. After way too much rum, decided to go swimming. Lined up a trampoline and did a double front-flip into the pool.

Wasn't their pool

Wasn't their trampoline

Wasn't their dog, either

More running ensued
Drunk-Me™ is #MyOwnWorstEnemy because...

Thought it would be funny to set my Monday morning alarm an hour earlier than usual, and change the song to the Goofy version of "Wake Me Up" by Evanescence. ()

Never really forgiven myself for that one.
Drunk-Me™ is #MyOwnWorstEnemy because...

Last time I moved, I got bored with it. Had a couple drinks.

When I went to unpack everything in my new apartment, there was a box marked "HAHA FUCK YOU SOBER ME, Love- Drunk-Me™"

Cables, socks, my glasses... I hated that box

Asshole
Drunk-Me™ is #MyOwnWorstEnemy because...

I once had a really great idea: MAKE YOUR OWN FIREWORKS

It was not a good idea

I still have that scar
Drunk-Me™ is #MyOwnWorstEnemy because...

SPEAKING of scars...

Once decided to make nachos in the buff because I was home alone.

Still have THAT scar, too...
Drunk-Me™ is #MyOwnWorstEnemy because...

Had a really good idea for something called "Italian Tacos"

Biked to the store with friends

Ended up making sloppy pita bread with sausage and mozzarella

Tasted alright going down

Not as well coming back up
Missing some Tweet in this thread?
You can try to force a refresh.

Like this thread? Get email updates or save it to PDF!

Subscribe to Santa Shwasty
Profile picture

Get real-time email alerts when new unrolls are available from this author!

This content may be removed anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

Related hashtags

#MyOwnWorstEnemy

More from @ChefShwasty see all

Profile picture
This is what I did last night instead of sleeping, and this is a true story:

'Twas the night before returning to work,
And all through the house,
Only one creature was stirring,
And it was THIS fuckin' louse
The talking of anxiety
hung thick in the air,
For fear that Super Chad
Would STILL BE THERE
Chef was snuggled
all warm in his bed
While visions and fever-dreams
Fucked with his head
Read 29 tweets
Profile picture
I just put my foot in my mouth so bad that I'm choking on my own knee

Heard through the grapevine that a friend of a friend is leaving their job to start their own business

So I swing by with coffees to congratulate him on the bold move
I say "Hey, heard the news, congrats! It's a big step to leave your job and strike out on your own!"

The place goes dead quiet

He stutters

"Yeah, uh thanks, um... Yeah..."

So he then turns to his employees (he's a manager) to say:

"Sorry, I wanted to say something sooner..."
HE HADN'T TOLD ANYONE

HIS ASSISTANT MANAGER IS LOOKING AT HIM WITH A COMBO OF DEPRESSION AND ANGER

THE OTHERS JUST LOOK HEARTBROKEN

HOW

WHY

WHY DID I DO THAT

WHY DID I DO THE THING THAT I DID

I AM FILLED WITH ICK
Read 4 tweets
Profile picture
#ShwastyHalloweenSpecial starts now with the #LiveTweet of #HocusPocus!

I know fuck all about this movie, and honestly didn't even know it existed until people started screaming for it to be in the polls

So... Here we go. Press play... NOW!
Queue the french horns or whatever
#ShwastyHalloweenSpecial

We open to a boy sleeping

Horses

Chickens

Sheep

And a young Carey Elwes

Wait shit wrong movie
Read 110 tweets

Related threads

Profile picture
FINAL DAY of the #postofficetrial. Follow this thread for a day of live tweets - just been told we’re going till 5pm - longest day so far. Have a photo of a Christmas Tree with a spaceship landing behind it.
All these tweets are notes and paraphrases. No direct quotes unless they are in direct quotes.

for background on this trial please go to postofficetrial.com
We are in Court 26 of the High Court Rolls Building. Mr David Cavender, QC for the Post Office.

He is on day 2 of his closing argument.

We are talking about explicit, agreed and implied terms.

With reference to the Authorities.
Read 229 tweets
Profile picture
How to read academic writing: Repeat.

First skim for the thesis statements and the major steps of the argument.

Then read the supporting paragraphs under the theses, but if they seem unclear, try reading the paragraphs backward.
Mostly the information and ideas that lead to the conclusion or sub-conclusion come after the conclusion is stated, often in nearly reverse order. So start at the end of the paragraph and try to get what each sentence says, in reverse.
Then once you have the gist of what they were trying to say and the logic of how they got there, you can decide if you want to read the thing.

You haven't really read it yet; you just figured it out.

But that's okay. Actually reading something is often not necessary.
Read 46 tweets
Profile picture
Who's jealous of Q?
So follow me up
@realTT2020
cause this shit's about
to go (down)

But there's nowhere
to go (now)

And there's no way
to slow (down)

God, God, God, God
God, God, God, God!
"They are trying to
#SABOTAGE us!
I have no choice,
I will completely
DRAIN THE SWAMP.
I trust you are with me.
Fight back. Join"
#PDJT

#TrumpCantDoItAlone
#DoWhatYouCan
#KeepMakingAmericaGreat
#KMAG
Read 17 tweets
Profile picture
207. UCHE DIKE was an odd ball with a mild distasteful sense of fashion when he first gained admission into Nnamdi Azikiwe university in Anambra State, Nigeria.

Uche was one of those students in school who occasionally wore bogus long sleeved shirts...
208... and carton-coloured trousers that looked like something that came out of a thrift shop in the
1980's.

A geek eyeglass, an afro, a black duffle bag and a brown shoe that shares the same oddity with Uche's choice of clothing, was also part of his signature appearance.
209. Uche was an awkward young man which made him an easy target for bullies.

Sometimes he felt there was a mental sticker on his head that screamed
'Bully me. Bully me. Bully me'.

Uche was the real definition of "Fashion makes you stand out." His mentality...
Read 1142 tweets
Profile picture
1/ HHS statement about ad spending knowingly contradicts years of HHS data.
2/ Note to HHS Leadership: The Freedom of Information Act is coming to get you.
3/ Internal HHS documents show that advertising works (duh) & had 2x the impact last year. huffingtonpost.com/entry/obamacar…
Read 9 tweets

Trending hashtags

#USA #BuildThatWall #postofficetrial #Trump #Democrat #Spread #MakingAmericaGreatAgain #PAM #WashingtonDC #Spun #OwnTheLibs #POWEREDbyGOD #ForYourFreedomAndOurs #COUNTRY #TrumpRussia #JusticeNotViolence #MakeAmericaGreatAgain #VoterID #AndJusticeForAll #TuesdayMorning #SABOTAGE #Deal #PardonFlynnNow #2020Election #VintageMagTweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member and get exclusive features!

Premium member ($30.00/year)

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!