Thread by @stevemagness

Brief Commentary on what I see in parents pushing kids in the quest to one-up each other in the college arms race:

Stop. If YOU are the reason your kid is striving for good grades, great athletic achievements, etc. they will struggle in college. It needs to come from within THEM

Yes, I realize you see doom and gloom if little Johnny gets a B in Pre-Cal, or gets 15th place instead of finishing on the podium. But here's the reality. The #1 thing that will matter in his future success isn't what college he gets into or his grades...

It's whether he can be intrinsically motivated toward mastering something that catches his interest. If he can harness motivation, he'll figure the rest out. So when you constantly push her, you are training her AWAY from that.

It also cements a fear of failure. If as a parent you are pressing for perfection, you're sending a clear signal to your child that all that matters is the end result. If they don't make it, THEY are a failure. This is not fun to deal with later on...

Case in Point: Myself. I've written 3 books now. In all of High School, I finished READING only 2 books (Huck Finn and Once A Runner). I once 'read' the picture book Children's version of Tale of Two Cities to pass a test...

All I cared about was running. My parents let me know how important academics were, but they didn't try to force me to get great grades. They encouraged me to follow things that interested me.

Once I got to college, guess what. I found subjects, books, and ideas that caught my interest. At first, it was all running, but soon it branched out to its current state where I read dozens of books a year.

I'm not saying my parents or my situation is the model or perfect. But I'm saying, if you've got a kid who won't read and does enough to get by in school, don't freak out. That was me.

Instead, encourage him to dabble in a number of subjects and fields until he finds something that interests him. Then, encourage him to dive deep, pursue it.

Why? That SKILL of finding interests, sparking curiosity and diving deep is what matters. Right now, it might be about video games, but in the future, it can be utilized for something "more important."

For a few great reads on the subject:
The Gift of Failure by @jesslahey
The Coddling of the American Mind by @JonHaidt & @glukianoff
How to Raise an Adult by @DeanJulie