A Twitter Nativity
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This Christmas Eve, allow me to present a retelling of the traditional Christmas story, using detail drawn from a little known historical source – the archives of the Bethlehem Police Department.
Thread...
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This Christmas Eve, allow me to present a retelling of the traditional Christmas story, using detail drawn from a little known historical source – the archives of the Bethlehem Police Department.
Thread...
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One document in particular, the BPD Daily Crime Bulletin, offers a fascinating insight into the work of a hitherto unheralded group of law enforcement officers – whilst shining new light on an old tale.
One document in particular, the BPD Daily Crime Bulletin, offers a fascinating insight into the work of a hitherto unheralded group of law enforcement officers – whilst shining new light on an old tale.
3/
Bethlehem Police Department
Daily Crime Bulletin
(Date obscured – believed to be c.2000 years ago)
Late Turn (2pm-10pm)
Team Briefing
Bethlehem Police Department
Daily Crime Bulletin
(Date obscured – believed to be c.2000 years ago)
Late Turn (2pm-10pm)
Team Briefing
4/
Substantial numbers of migrants arriving at border during past week
Low levels of community tension reported; no incidents of note in last 24 hrs
Large crowds expected in central Bethlehem this evening
No intelligence re: pre-planned disorder
Threat Level remains at ‘Severe’
Substantial numbers of migrants arriving at border during past week
Low levels of community tension reported; no incidents of note in last 24 hrs
Large crowds expected in central Bethlehem this evening
No intelligence re: pre-planned disorder
Threat Level remains at ‘Severe’
5/
14.00hrs
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Start of shift
2 PCs to fixed post at main Town Checkpoint
2 PCs to ongoing crime scene at Caesar’s Nightclub
2 PCs to constant watch in the cells
Remaining officers out on foot patrol
14.00hrs
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Start of shift
2 PCs to fixed post at main Town Checkpoint
2 PCs to ongoing crime scene at Caesar’s Nightclub
2 PCs to constant watch in the cells
Remaining officers out on foot patrol
6/
15.00hrs
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Routine patrols – High Street
Town Centre busy but peaceful
15.00hrs
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Routine patrols – High Street
Town Centre busy but peaceful
7/
16.30hrs
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Call to Civil Dispute at the Judea Travelodge
Misunderstanding regarding double booking of main suite
Situation deteriorated as it became apparent that there were no other rooms – anywhere in town
Suspects became violent. 2 arrests. Now staying with us.
16.30hrs
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Call to Civil Dispute at the Judea Travelodge
Misunderstanding regarding double booking of main suite
Situation deteriorated as it became apparent that there were no other rooms – anywhere in town
Suspects became violent. 2 arrests. Now staying with us.
8/
17.15hrs
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Suspect detained by staff at the Bethlehem Brasserie for theft of a jug of wine
Evidence consumed prior to police arrival
Suspect unfit for interview until tomorrow morning
17.15hrs
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Suspect detained by staff at the Bethlehem Brasserie for theft of a jug of wine
Evidence consumed prior to police arrival
Suspect unfit for interview until tomorrow morning
9/
18.00hrs
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Reports of possible UFO sighting - claims of a bright light, moving West to East at a height of several thousand feet
Area Search, No Trace
Believed Nuisance Call
18.00hrs
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Reports of possible UFO sighting - claims of a bright light, moving West to East at a height of several thousand feet
Area Search, No Trace
Believed Nuisance Call
10/
18.30hrs
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Multiple calls to disturbance on hillside a mile outside town
Reports of strobe lighting and loud music
Initial suspicions of an illegal rave in progress
On arrival, met by group of Shepherds and a large number of sheep
18.30hrs
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Multiple calls to disturbance on hillside a mile outside town
Reports of strobe lighting and loud music
Initial suspicions of an illegal rave in progress
On arrival, met by group of Shepherds and a large number of sheep
11/
18.30hrs (cont/d)
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Shepherds claimed to have been visited by angels. Sheep no help at all.
Despite lengthy enquiries and a thorough search of the area, no sound system or lighting equipment found – and no evidence of mind-altering substances. Not even a spliff.
18.30hrs (cont/d)
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Shepherds claimed to have been visited by angels. Sheep no help at all.
Despite lengthy enquiries and a thorough search of the area, no sound system or lighting equipment found – and no evidence of mind-altering substances. Not even a spliff.
12/
18.30hrs (cont/d)
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Shepherds initially threatened with arrest for wasting police time – but eventually given a Verbal Warning when they explained that they were leaving anyway.
Last seen running towards Bethlehem Town Centre.
18.30hrs (cont/d)
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Shepherds initially threatened with arrest for wasting police time – but eventually given a Verbal Warning when they explained that they were leaving anyway.
Last seen running towards Bethlehem Town Centre.
13/
20.00hrs
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Call from Judea Border Patrol
They have stopped a group of Travellers who claim to have come from ‘afar’ (Have yet to establish where this is)
The three who appear to be in charge are well dressed and claim to know something about the earlier UFO report
20.00hrs
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Call from Judea Border Patrol
They have stopped a group of Travellers who claim to have come from ‘afar’ (Have yet to establish where this is)
The three who appear to be in charge are well dressed and claim to know something about the earlier UFO report
14/
20.00hrs cont/d
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Search of luggage has revealed a quantity of gold and a container filled with an aromatic and suspicious looking resin
Enquiries ongoing re possible offences
20.00hrs cont/d
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Search of luggage has revealed a quantity of gold and a container filled with an aromatic and suspicious looking resin
Enquiries ongoing re possible offences
15/
20.15hrs
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Update from Border Patrol
Travellers able to prove ownership of gold – and the resin turns out to be something called Myrrh. Checks confirm this isn’t a Controlled Drug
Allowed on their way
20.15hrs
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Update from Border Patrol
Travellers able to prove ownership of gold – and the resin turns out to be something called Myrrh. Checks confirm this isn’t a Controlled Drug
Allowed on their way
16/
21.00hrs
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Call to suspected Child Protection case
Allegation of a newborn baby being cared for in wholly unsuitable circumstances – apparently in a stable, surrounded by livestock and with no heating or running water
21.00hrs
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Call to suspected Child Protection case
Allegation of a newborn baby being cared for in wholly unsuitable circumstances – apparently in a stable, surrounded by livestock and with no heating or running water
17/
21.00hrs cont/d
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Unmarried teenage mother with no obvious means of support aside from an older man claiming – without documentation – to be her ‘betrothed’
On arrival, found earlier group of Shepherds in street outside
21.00hrs cont/d
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Unmarried teenage mother with no obvious means of support aside from an older man claiming – without documentation – to be her ‘betrothed’
On arrival, found earlier group of Shepherds in street outside
18/
21.00hrs cont/d
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Initially threatened shepherds with arrest for Obstructing Police – then saw expression on their faces
Decided to see for myself what was going on
21.00hrs cont/d
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Initially threatened shepherds with arrest for Obstructing Police – then saw expression on their faces
Decided to see for myself what was going on
19/
Ma’am, I’ve walked this beat for 25 years and I’ve seen most things that this line of work puts your way – but I have no words to describe what I saw last night
No arrests necessary. No explanation adequate. But everything is different now.
Ma’am, I’ve walked this beat for 25 years and I’ve seen most things that this line of work puts your way – but I have no words to describe what I saw last night
No arrests necessary. No explanation adequate. But everything is different now.
20/
By the time you read this, I’ll have finished my shift. But if you have any questions about this report, you’ll find me back at the stable door.
If I may Ma’am – and if you have time – you really ought to come and see for yourself.
Bulletin ends
Happy Christmas one and all
By the time you read this, I’ll have finished my shift. But if you have any questions about this report, you’ll find me back at the stable door.
If I may Ma’am – and if you have time – you really ought to come and see for yourself.
Bulletin ends
Happy Christmas one and all
