Thread by @JamilSmith

I wrote a lot of words in 2018, and I had arguably my most successful year as a writer. I also had one of my most unhappy years as a human being. But I did good work on the page, and on myself. And that’s why I will always be thankful for this lovely, terrible year.

I thought that I’d start 2019 by adding some context to this, looking back on a complicated year of successes and strife with more than just a list of my favorite bylines.

I started 2018 out of sorts. Caught walking pneumonia in Vegas last New Year’s Eve while going there to see a Bruno Mars concert with my wife. Spent January essentially incapacitated, but recovered sufficiently to interview the great @AnnaDeavereS and later, to take a meeting.

That meeting was about me writing for @TIME about BLACK PANTHER. Two days after attending the premiere, I sat at this table inside a Beverly Hills hotel to interview Ryan Coogler and Chadwick Boseman. A bit more than two days after that, I had a draft. Things progressed quickly.

My BLACK PANTHER essay ended up being a @TIME cover story, and it instantly became the most significant thing that had ever happened to me in my career. time.com/black-panther/

On the same day that I learned for certain that my BLACK PANTHER story would be on the cover of @TIME, I got a job offer that I could not refuse. @RollingStone entered my life, and I could not be more appreciative. My @RSPolitics bylines can be found here. rol.st/2MKYnml

At @RollingStone, as before, I have written and spoken about the experiences and expressions of black people and others of color in this incomplete America, and about how politics and identity inevitably intersect. I will continue doing so in 2019, as one might expect.

My work in 2018 was enriching and enraging. I was able to sit down with Spike Lee, whose work had immeasurable influence on me as a young man. I saw Sacramento after Stephon Clark, and Tallahassee with Andrew Gillum. But perhaps nothing moved me like this. rol.st/2rjUkoS

I can’t say how many positive words that I heard and read about my work at @RollingStone from kind people here on Twitter, at events, or even on the street. It was enriching in a way that folks may never realize, as 2018 was a very tough year for me in my personal life.

I won’t go into too many details here, but I will say that 2018 was the first time that I understood what depression felt like. What brought it on? A combination of things. But the realization came through therapy and introspection, both of which I highly recommend to you all.

It also helps to have people in your life who make you smile and laugh constantly. Thanks to folks like @ClintSmithIII, @AngeliqueRoche, @ZerlinaMaxwell, @YoditTewolde, @Lilly_Works, @katieorenst, and especially @ChloeAngyal who helped me enjoy some good moments in 2018.

I also have my parents and my (social media-shy) wife to thank for joy. For instance, this was taken the night before I was inducted into my high school hall of fame—but reader, the reward was having my divorced (but still loving) folks back together for a meal in our old haunt.

I also got to do amazing things, like moderate a panel at @Comic_Con. Again, interview Spike Lee (twice). Do panels and talks with the likes of @BootsRiley, @MichaelEDyson, @mollycrabapple, @davidhogg111, @adamjohnfoss, and @MitchLandrieu. More to come in 2019, I hope.

That all said, I think that in a year in which I published a @TIME cover story, landed a dream job at @RollingStone, moderated a @Comic_Con panel, made my high school’s hall of fame, and had dinner with my parents at the same table, the best thing I did in 2018 was go to therapy.

If you should find yourself struggling, for whatever reason, own that struggle. Do not try to shrug it off, or overcome it with “balls” or sheer will and determination. Those all may come in handy, but I recommend that you start with vulnerability. Not every fault is a weakness.

Thanks for reading me here, and elsewhere.