Thread by @seananmcguire

In terms of feeling like I Am A Real Writer, I Do Real Writer Things, nothing really compares to being asked to write an introduction to someone else's collection.

Which actually feeds nicely into something I was thinking about over the weekend: that the human brain simultaneously is bad at novelty AND bad at accepting change.

If I go back to the first few months of my Twitter (oh, 2009 Seanan, you had no idea how weird this was all going to get), I am literally counting down to the release of ROSEMARY AND RUE. Like, "186 days to release I am freaking out" is a legit sentiment.

I love my job I love my books I am a better writer now than I was in 2009 but I could not tell you how many days it is to the release of THE UNKINDEST TIDE if you paid me. That part of my brain has retired to a nice sunny beach to drink mimosas and yell at turtles.

And sometimes I feel like I care less, because I'm not panicking over every little aspect of the publishing process the way I used to, but I don't. I care even more, because now this is my livelihood. I just care about, and panic about, different things.

And yet--at the SAME TIME, because brains are weird sacks of fatty goo--I have trouble wrapping my head around the idea that I'm "established." That sometimes when I tell a debut author I read their book, they flail and freak out. WHAT WHY NO STOP.

I AM A WEE BABBY AUTHOR JUST LIKE YOU I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING WHY ARE YOU WAVING YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR AND CRYING PLEASE STOP I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS.

My first book came out less than ten years ago! I am still throwing darts in the dark and hoping to win a prize, and my father owns a carnival, so I know the game is rigged! Please stop acting like I have my shit together!

I simultaneously want to sit at the new kids' table and am too exhausted like, all the time to deal with it when my sitting down makes everyone flail.

(I think this may be part of why GREY'S ANATOMY has been so refreshing for me. Watching our surgical interns become The Establishment one episode at a time has been such a nice mirror of my own experience.)

When I started, "I read your book" was the endorphin hit of I AM A REAL WRITER. And it still is, but it's not as much of a world-shaking surprise anymore. I don't assume it, it doesn't floor me.

Then "we want you to come to our con" was the endorphin hit. And again, it still is: I love doing cons, I don't take them for granted. But they're not NOVEL anymore.

Currently, the endorphin hit is "we respect your work enough to want it associated with our work." Who knows what it will be tomorrow?

There's nothing wrong with changing and evolving throughout your career. As long as you're not an asshole and don't pull the ladder up after yourself, you do you. Just remember that "doing you" will change, and you can't go backward. It doesn't work.

There's only ever one first time for anything.