Thread by @pptsapper

Well I've got some booze

And I've got "Solo" queued up

So let's just see what happens here

Basically opens like Oliver Twist in cyberpunk, but Oliver got hawt and there are blasters and shit

Soooo we're supposed to believe a giant caterpillar is a crime lord?

I mean...does that mean the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland is a mob boss?

The Imperial recruiting process is really sad...they should be jumping at the opportunity to get a pilot

But also, go fuckinf figure that the Imperial Navy ends up doing ground ops

"You wanna live, sparky? Then shut up and do what your captain tells you."

Me, to my troops, in my head, almost all the time

Less about combat, more about life choices, controlled substances, reproduction, and purchases of motor vehicles

I would also like to command "none of your business company"

And gawd there's some oldass Imperial LTs, which doesn't make sense cause everyone seems to be dying

Who does airspace management for the Imperials? Cause there's airspace confliction ERRYWHERE over Kashyyk or wherever they were

Like, freighters and fighters and flying air gantries and shit

Literally everyone in the galaxy is trying to pay off their debts and live a life debt free

Omfg is the US in ten years with student loans

Dibs on being the cray freighter smuggler dude

Who knew that in an age with space travel, trains would still be a thing?

Are there droid conductors? The mind boggles

The Stormtrooper train guards have some wicked fetch coats

Like, furry and shit

Look comfy.

Paul Bettany can play literally any role at all ever and do it superbly

Drunk Chewie is the best Chewie

How many drinks does it take to make a wookiee hammered?

Donald Glover can also play literally anyone ever

Just, like period, ever

Oh Lando

All I want is a Han and Lando buddy comedy

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Trash can droid fighting just doesn't seem like something to excite the crowd

But then again, galactic life seems a little...short

If you don't shed a tear every time you see the Millennium Falcon, then you're not a real human being

That's just natural law

Also there's no such thing as too many capes

FACT

See one of the problems of a slave based society is that it's totes easy to smuggle people in disguised as slaves

Psh these fools need Rousseau

Ain't no riot like a droid riot because a droid riot is highly automated and also controls all of the things needed for life

SO MANY LESSONS LEARNED EVERYWHERE

One lesson is that - not unlike the Wu Tang Clan - Wookiees ain't nothin to fuck with

Lando is missing a key chance to say "STOP SHOOTING HOLES IN MY SHIP" just now

Star Wars is a collection of stories binding beings together - that's what the force is for fucks sake

Which explains why I'm sitting here CRYING OVER A DROID BEING SHOT

It's nice that blaster wounds are self cauterizing and all that. Makes for a cleaner movie

Every part of the Falcon being on fire is just about what we all expect from these

Also I think the bourbons gone

L3 is literally part of the Falcon now...she gave her neurons to the Falcon

SCIFI IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE SO MANY FEELS

SPACE SQUID SHOULD BE CURTAILED TO JUST ADMIRAL ACKBAR NOT WHATEVER THIS SQUID MONSTER THING IS

You know that feeling of Christmas morning as a kid?

That's me when I hear the Star Wars theme

Everyone in this movie needs a drink

I mean, that's goddam apropos, amiright?

"what's on tatooine?"

*Cue ALL THE FORESHADOWING*

Look Keira girl, maybe THE DUDE WITH LINEAR SCARS COVERING HIS FACE isn't the dude for career advice, just saying, luv

Very interested that there appears to be a role for RPGs in the galactic world

Is there also a role for Toyota hilixes? Hilixess. DAMMIT

HILUXES

frikkin booze

STOP KISSING YOU HAVE THINGS TO DO

also that was basically the equivalent of sending Han off to be with the dog while she runs off to...be with the neighbor who is also a Sith Lord? Dunno, not a complete analogy

But goddam. The coldness of ghosting your love who's just shot his mentor...I mean. That is COLD

And yeah she's gotta do what she gotta do to survive but DAYUM

That is some severe dumping

And Han ends up with the Falcon and Chewie, which is about the best one can hope for, really.

Altho I really want the Lando/Han movie.

Really. Want. It.

Solo's a good flick tho