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Demola
@uncleDemola
, 9 tweets, 4 min read Read on Twitter
I got to the bus stop this evening on my way back from school and got to realize there were many commuters waiting to board bus down to Lawanson from Ojuelegba.
All of a sudden, we heard "Lawanson, Lawanson, Lawanson.

Oya, see rushing
I was able to to secure a sit and luckily for me, it was beside a beautiful lady.
The driver said "Hold your N100 change oo, I no get change".

As this beautiful lady was about bringing out money from her purse, I said to her "hope you don't mind if I pay for you?"
"Not at all, I don't mind", she replied
I paid for her, asked a few questions and she responded well. Her name is Shade by the way.

"Demola, ask for her number", the playboy in me said.
"Hope you don't mind if I get your number Shade", I asked.
"All right, pass your phone so I can type it", she responded.

I gave her my phone, she typed it and in no time, we got to the last bus stop. I waved her goodbye as we went different ways.
I got home with excitement, had my bath, rushed out to buy Etisalat N200 and GLO N200.
I dialed her number but all I heard was "the number you have dialed does not exist, please check the number and dail again"
That when I realized shade gave me wrong number after all I did for her. Shade, I paid N100 for you oo, I paid a whole N100 for you. Money I was supposed to use and buy Akara N50 and Garri N50 this night.
Shade, I am naked right now and I am going to swear for you.
Tomorrow will be the worst day of your life. Your ATM card will hang when you want to withdraw, your phone will hang, your memory card will get corrupted.
Your bank will debit you for card maintenance twice in a month. Your purse will be stolen. Nonsense

Ladies are scum
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Demola
@uncleDemola
I uploaded a picture of my crush that I had lost contact with on Twitter with the caption "W.C.W ❤", someone reply with a comment and said "young man, kindly take down that picture, that's my daughter".

"My friend, will you keep kwayet", I replied
"Young man, if you utter a word again, I assure you, I will deal with you", the person said.

"I'm in my house, come and beat me", I replied.

"Just know I have marked your face @uncleDemola, I have saved your display picture and anywhere I see you, just know you are dead.
Oga, I'm in my house, come and beat me", I said again as I blocked him.

Two weeks later, I got a DM from a lady telling me she enjoys my thread and I should keep up with the good work. I told her I appreciate and told her another thread would be out soon.
Read 38 tweets
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Demola
@uncleDemola
I will never buy phone at computer village in my life. I don't care if it's cheap or not.

Thread 👇👇👇

My Tecno L8 plus that I've been using since 2016 decided to Amaka me on a faithful evening.
I took the phone to an engineer the following morning, He assured me that the phone would work properly because this isn't the first time he'd be dealing with such an issue. We came to an agreement that I'd pay him N2,000
That was how this engineer brought out helmet from under his locker and wore it. I asked him why he's putting on an helmet, he replied "oga, as an electrical engineer, safety is first. In my university days in OAU, during my 300 level, I was an.........."

Oga, fix my phone abeg
Read 45 tweets
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Demola
@uncleDemola
So, there's this lady in my church. Well, I think I may have a crush on her. She's very beautiful, average in height, fair in complexion and her shape, perfectly perfect, but her problem is that her shakara too much. 

Thread 👇👇👇
As I entered the church auditorium today, an usher led me to a vacant sit at the middle row. To my surprise, the vacant sit was beside my crush. I praised the usher as I said to myself "today is my day of shooting shot".
To be honest, I wasn't able to focus on the sermon because I was constructing poet I was going to say to her. I had totally written a full book of how I was going to shoot my shot in my mind.
Read 17 tweets

Related threads

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Mencius Moldbugman
@moldbugman
Especially for #InternationalWomensDay2019 a thread about how most women don’t pay for their education and how men subsidise them entirely. Some of the technicalities of this thread are UK-specific so not applicable to other countries.
The vast vast majority of women who enter higher education receive their education entirely for free, while men have no way out from student loans and tuition fees. This is without even considering the huge number of scholarships and grants that are only available to women.
To understand how an entire gender is subsidised, we need to go all the way back to school. Education at all levels favours women due to female teachers & teaching methods and anti-male bias. Thus, girls easily achieve the grades needed for their already dumbed down uni courses.
Read 25 tweets
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Peach's momma 🍑
@kissoohae
🔹

He wakes up once again to an empty room. He looks for his phone which he finds at the dresser with his car key. His shoes neatly arranged next to the closet and curtains drawn.

He checks the bathroom but there is no sign of the younger.

Failing to have his call picked up,
he sends a text and starts to feel anxious.

Did Kyungsoo run away?

He opens the closet and finds their bags with their wallets inside. It means the other only has his phone with him.

And he's not answering any calls and texts.

He's seriously getting worried.
If before, he could contact his cousin and ask of his whereabouts, right now he doesn't have anyone to turn to.

Just then the door opens, revealing a drenched Kyungsoo. The younger just stands there, at the doorway with a bashful smile.

"What happened to you? Why are you wet?"
Read 929 tweets
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Marina Amaral
@marinamaral2
21-year-old Lewis Powell was hanged #OnThisDay in 1865. He was a conspirator with John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated President Abraham Lincoln.
One evening in early February, Powell (using the alias "Mr. Wood") appeared at Mary Surratt's boarding house and asked for John Surratt, who was not at home.
He then requested something to eat and a place to stay, and Mrs. Surratt granted both requests after her son returned home and vouched for "Mr. Wood". Powell told Louis Weichmann, who was a boarder in the house, that "Wood" was a clerk in Parr's china shop in Baltimore.
Read 97 tweets
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Jamie Susskind
@jamiesusskind
I took the tube to work this morning at rush hour. It was absolutely mobbed. Carnage. You know the drill. Queues of anxious commuters waiting to board. TFL guy yelling incoherently about the doors.
Managed to squeeze on. The usual smell of bad breath and shower gel.
There's normally a sort of blitz spirit on these occasions. Dark humour. How can there not be, when you can literally smell what the person next to you had for dinner last night?
Read 19 tweets
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Uncle Stephen
@ItsUncleStephen
As a New year approaches, I remember when I, @UchennaNG and another friend, nearly died on my Birthday, because we went to a party and rocked some Cultist's babe in another school.

A Thread.
I was in my room Jeje oh. No plans for the day whatsoever, when my unfortunate friend comes in like oboy party dey for IMSU. Ah! IMSU? The land flowing with babes and honeys? I quickly donned my israelite garment, ready to leave my Egypt of a room.
But i should have known. Nothing good ever comes out of my friend ironically named progress. If that boy says come let's start doing yahoo. Best believe the day you go to buy laptop to start. As you're exiting the shop,
Read 27 tweets

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