Thread by @FrankMPaul

All right, here we go! The time has come for #OnlyConnect fan fiction, Episode 3: Pirates vs Love Triangle!

The Pirates choose a hieroglyph.

WATER

CLUE 1:
Marine bivalve mollusc

CLUE 2:
Songbird with elongated hind claws

CLUE 3:
Young man who sells or delivers sand

CLUE 4:
Page, Grayson or David

HORNED VIPER

CLUE 1:
Évariste Galois

CLUE 2:
Mikhail Lermontov

CLUE 3:
Alexander Pushkin

CLUE 4:
Alexander Hamilton

Ric spots the connection after three clues, his finger swooping elegantly to press the buzzer. He high-fives Ahlam. It’s the Pirates’ turn.

TWISTED FLAX

CLUE 1:
William the Conqueror (King of England)

CLUE 2:
Alfred, Lord Tennyson (Poet Laureate)

CLUE 3:
Mary Robinson (Irish President)

CLUE 4:
Des Lynam (Countdown presenter)

Clive spots the connection after four clues. The Love Triangle must take their pick.

TWO REEDS:

CLUE 1:

They scramble for the answer as time runs out – but no, it’s too late! Ahlam describes the different colours, patterns and textures of the socks in her sock drawer in the vain hope that a word she burbles will be accepted as the answer.

It’s thrown over to the Pirates, who can only offer baffled grunts, but now they take on their own question.

EYE OF HORUS

CLUE 1:
Julia Roberts marrying Lyle Lovett

CLUE 2:
Henry II visiting Thomas Becket’s tomb

CLUE 3:
Alan Partridge driving to Dundee

CLUE 4:
Zola Budd breaking 5000 metres world record, 1985

After three clues, Sally snarls the answer with self-satisfied malice, as if taunting an enemy, sending a chill up every spine in the studio. Laura seizes Ahlam’s hand. The Love Triangle must face the next question.

LION

CLUE 1:

CLUE 2:

CLUE 3:

Both teams fail to find an answer. Ahlam curses under her breath. “Don’t worry, cuddle-bun,” whispers Ric, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. It feels so alien to hear “cuddle-bun” emerging from his lips that she struggles to avoid giggling.

At the end of Round 1, the Pirates have 3 points, the Love Triangle have 3.

ROUND 2

It’s the Pirates to choose.

WATER

CLUE 1:

CLUE 2:

CLUE 3:

HORNED VIPER

CLUE 1:
Man who thinks he’s “Elvis or something”

CLUE 2:
Man devoted to his car

CLUE 3:
Vain man described as “Brad Pitt”

Laura identifies the answer after two clues. “I used to daydream about being a half-Elvis, half-Brad Pitt who could turn into a car,” reminisces Ric. “Good God, I was dashing.”

Now the Pirates choose.

EYE OF HORUS

CLUE 1:
MI T: unfortunate event

CLUE 2:
H EN: make more intense

CLUE 3:
PEN S: mountain range

Clive mutters a correct answer after three clues. Now it’s the Love Triangle’s turn.

TWISTED FLAX

CLUE 1:
Latin legal term: “according to what is fair and just”

CLUE 2:
Maltese author of Six Thinking Hats

CLUE 3:
Singer who became mayor of Palm Springs

Ahlam identifies the answer after two clues. Fabian points a threatening finger at a hieroglyph.

TWO REEDS

CLUE 1:
Kiss

CLUE 2:
Polish-born co-founder of retailer

CLUE 3:
Either half of “This is the Day” band

LION

CLUE 1:
Swansea

CLUE 2:
Maidstone

CLUE 3:
Ladiesburg

After two clues, Laura buzzes in with the answer.

At the end of Round 2, the Pirates have 10 points, the Love Triangle have 12.

ROUND 3:

The Love Triangle are faced with this wall:

Going into Round 4, the Love Triangle have 17 points, the Pirates have 20.

Film titles with units of measurement expressed differently:

THW H LTW N TYS VNF T
SXH ND RD NDS VN TYT WHR SLTR
HD WGN DTH NGR YT WP NTF VF RC N TM TRS
T HF RD CDL DVR GN

The Love Triangle get two answers, the Pirates snatch one and the other is left unanswered.

False opposites:

CRG VRN DCRTKR
PRFSSN NDCNFSSN
MN GR PH NDPLYG RPH
PLL VRN DPSHVR

Idioms relating to misunderstanding:

GTT NGT HW RNGND FTHST CK
TLKNGT CR SSPR PSS
BRKN GP THW RNGT R
GTTNGY RW RSC RSSD

The End #OnlyConnect

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