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Nexts up, a talk about @awscloud's Fluent Bit offering. "It gets around the heaviness that is Ruby." @alexwwood sits up as if slapped awake.
And @TheWesleyPettit highlights what a fat hog fluentd is, and hurls Ruby under the bus again. I can get behind this. @alexwwood starts weeping softly. 
"I'm sure everyone here is familiar with CloudWatch Logs" because we force you to be. --@TheWesleyPettit
An example of connecting to CloudWatch Logs. Next up, connecting to something you might want to use voluntarily.
"We built in a feature that lets you set a SEND_FAILURE_TIMEOUT in case it can't send for long enough it'll kill Fluent Bit." The team in charge of billing for data transfer at @awscloud recoils in horror at the lost revenue.
"Here's a feature we wanted to build but didn't get finished in time for this talk." @TheWesleyPettit demonstrates instead the dangers of submitting aspirational talk descriptions.
"There's no AWS SDK for C" and @alexwwood dries his tears, slightly mollified.
I cleverly avoid these language wars by being complete crap at all of them.
Okay, snark break for a second: @TheWesleyPettit is absolutely crushing this talk.
Now @TheWesleyPettit is sending me to @alexwwood's sobbing corner with descriptions of converting base64 to bytestreams.
"If I could talk to the maintainers of Fluent Bit, I'd ask them to change this API, but they're not here." Clearly @TheWesleyPettit hasn't figured out that he can contact anyone he wants via my preferred medium: aggressive shitposting on Twitter.
