Thread by @heytherejeffro

Nerd fandoms as Sports fandoms:
A thread

America's _______. Coasting on fumes since all that insanity of the 90's.
People still buying the merch out of habit.

Will 100% fight you in a Chili's parking lot over a perceived slight.
Do not engage.

Won't stop talking about how a victory is easily attainable with a little preparation. Sure they're right, but who wants to hear about it?

The pinnacle of obnoxiousness. Is aware of it, but doesn't care. Will ruin any group outing you can imagine.
Clothing is a red flag.

"Oh, sorry, 'french fries'. I just call them 'chips'. That's what they should be called, honestly. Excuse me? No, I've never actually been to England, but I hope to get there soon. Cheers."

Says that they "love an underdog", ignores the fact that this underdog wins all the god damn time.

"Nice shirt."
"Thanks. Honestly, I haven't been following for the last few seasons, but I really love the early years."
Hoped adding a superstar to the cast would help, but still disappointed.

I DARE you to let them know that their latest output is garbage.
They grew up with this, and no amount of disappointing failure will allow them to acknowledge that. It's in their blood forever.
Loves people with horrible teeth.

Willing to ignore A LOT of bad stuff. Will excuse abhorrent behavior and output on the mere chance of a obtaining a victory. By law, has to bring up the 70s in every conversation.

White people watching violent teenagers.

Loves mildly clever fart puns and cartoonish violence. Secretly can't wait to answer questions about their tattoos. Really supportive except with money.

One good year and they'll accept a decade of embarrassment. You'll consistently wonder if they have some weird kind of amnesia, but they're just loyal to a fault.

"G.O.A.T!"
"Dude, you've been watching for like, 2 years."

Whenever you were a fan, they were a fan before that. You weren't there in the early days, man. You don't get it.
Ignores how popular it is so they can still feel downtrodden.

Fandom waxes and wanes like the god damn moon cycle. Currently owned by a corporate monster, but fans will ignore that fact because nostalgia is one hell of a drug.
Can't stop. Won't stop.

Can't name anyone on the current roster, but knows the entire starting line of the last time they were good.
"Old white guy with a cane" is a fitting logo for both.

Nothing like hanging out with the guys, having a few beers and calling each other gay for 3 hours.
Rabid fans of a perennial B- franchise

"GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK"

You stopped caring after high school. They didn't.
Harmless enough, as long as they have social skills. If not, call the police.

CONVINCED that every bad outing is a fluke and that the team is ACTUALLY really good. Hates everyone drafted for the team, no exceptions.

Lived as outsiders for decades. Now that they've got a win under their belts, buckle the hell up, because this conversation is not going to end any time soon.

You forget about it for 3 1/2 years. They don't. They know all the minutiae of every little pocket in this world.
How do you even play this game, it seems so complicated?
Oh, they know. Don't worry.
They know.

Only curses at the game and on twitter. Perpetually in the middle of low-grade sugar withdrawals.
Goes to church.

Disclaimer: This is just a bit and I only mock the things that I love.

Perennially teeters on mainstream acceptance. Pumps WAY more money into this than you'd expect.
Doesn't give a god damn what you think about their hobby.

Will give you a 2-hour history lesson on the franchise. You'll leave knowing exactly what you knew when it started. Is considering using duolingo to learn the native language. Won't do it.
Each fandom is LIVID about this comparison.

Hardcore, even though it's mostly great in theory. Excellent merch.
Casual fans watch for 22 minutes every few years because they forgot what it's actually like to sit through it.

"Cry about it all you want, numbers don't lie."
If you say you hate it, they might just go online and buy merch right in front of you.

Will spend a lot of time convincing you it was better before the reboot. Is lying to both you and themselves.
"It's about the experience, not the wins." Once again, a lie.

"You're giving us your money. The output doesn't even have to be good. Just fork over that cash. Save us both the trouble of pretending you care about quality."

I...uh...I was gonna do a bunch more of these but I went and saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood instead.
It was good.
-Support artists and pay for art
-Research before sharing
-Stick up for those that need it
-Adopt don't shop
-Human rights is not politics
-Don't be a dick