, 10 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
Bullock: "Trump is awesome. Seriously, he is amazing. Only a bland dude like me with nothing to offer to inspire any change can win the #MAGA crowd that is totally winnable"
Williamson: "I am the prophesized one! I was promised in 1776. I am for all the good and against all the evil. Exhale!"
Delaney: "I hate Democrats. Fuck, I hate you assholes! You have shitty ideas and you are shit! Why do you even exist? If you are left of Reagan, just die!"
Ryan: "I say what Trump says but I look younger. Also, fuck socialists!"
Hickenlooper: "Let me shit on the progressives, too! Suck my Rocky Mountain Oysters, progressives! Listen to my white guy ass, too! I will defeat Brezhnev and Andropov and Chernenko and Gorbachev. And Trump, too"
Klobuchar: "I come from a long line of very white people. Seriously. Just look at me. Have you seen anything white? Also, I would like to be Candidate No. 6 who hates dreams"
O'Rourke: "I am the handsome version of Lincoln. Mic Drop."
Buttigieg: "Just gonna leave this handsome thing here."
Warren: "Let those boring people attack me. Taking that high road like a boss"
Sanders: "It will take the Chin Guy from the Avenging Fellows movie, with his hockey glove of gemstones to knock me off my message."
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