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Bullock: "Sit around and listen to me deliver homespun wisdom as I struggle for words. Economic anxiety is where it's at. I truly believe that I can beat Trump by saying what he says with slightly better hair."
Williamson: "I will bring forth the angels, exorcise the demons and banish, oh will I banish the monsters that haunt you in the night. Begone, minions of darkness. Be the fuck gone!"
Delaney: "Isn't it time we had a President who is not only an actual pussy but a proud and committed one?"
Ryan: "I will capture the lane which is neither left or right. Also known as the rest stop!"
Hickenlooper: "Now, isn't this fun? I had fun! Aren't we having fun? Now, let's imagine you are dying of a disease..."
Klobuchar: "Bet you didn't know that "champion high school swimmer" can be a pretty nice code for "white person", so yeah... You know what I mean by I can win in the Midwest..."
Beto: "I have traveled to every county. Even the racist ones. Like, actual KKK County, TX and No Jews County, TX. I have been places, folks..."
Pete: "I am an amazingly smart person who somehow believes in Jesus and the Republicans' conscience. Hey, nobody is perfect!"
Warren: "I can't believe I am running against an exorcist and like three actual Republicans... I guess, I will have to have a plan for that."
Sanders: "I am not the first Jew to stand on top of an armored vehicle and call for people to rise up, but I am the only one to have survived into his 70s. Fuck you, Trotsky!"
