Thread by @SethCotlar

As I was leaving the grocery store today the person who bagged my groceries came up to me, tears streaming down their face, and said "Sir, that is the most eclectic and nutritious bag of groceries I've ever had the privilege of bagging. Thank you. Just thank you."

I got out of my car yesterday and was stopped by a Parking Enforcement Officer who said, tears streaming down his face, "That was the most beautiful parallel parking job I've ever seen. Amazing. I will tell my grandchildren about it. Thank you. Just thank you."

The Parking Enforcement Officer called me "Sir." Twice. I forgot to mention that part.

After parking I went into the laundromat where my clothes had finished drying. As I folded them another customer came up to me, tears streaming down their face, and said "Sir, I've never seen anyone fold underwear like that. The precision. The grace. I'm blessed to have seen it."

I then got home, gazed into the cage of rare butterflies I have captured and do not feed, and the butterflies, in unison, tears streaming down their tiny little faces, said to me "Sir, thank you for giving us a home. Would you like to eat us?"

I just received a DM from a very important person who, tears streaming onto their keyboard, said to me "Sir, this is the most amazing Twitter thread I've ever read. Please, accept this bag of rare jewels as a small thank you for what you've done for me, for all of us."

For those wise enough not to spend an inordinate amount of time online or paying attention to the President, here's the habit of his that I'm satirizing.

Ok, I know you're not going to believe this, but I'm at the gym right now and this big burly guy comes up to me, tears streaming down his face, and says "Sir, can you show me how to do shavasana like you just did. I've never seen anyone lay like that before. Sir. Please."

I appreciate the love this thread has gotten, but I want to make it clear that these stories are about these amazing people, and not about me. As my therapist said to me yesterday, tears streaming down their face, "Sir, you are the most humble person I've ever met."

Very stoic person this therapist. Like ice. They watch animal cruelty videos for fun. But with me they were like a baby...just crying their eyes out. Incredible. But true. Totally true.