Thread by @OSPyoutube

yaaaaaay, I love iiiiiiit -R

So this is basically the davinci code but for america right? -R

so the macguffin in this movie is that big money pile from metal gear revengeance -R

this doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about the knights templar and the freemasons to dispute it -R

Movie conspiracy theories are always so glamorous and lucrative and real conspiracy theories are just like "the moon isn't real" and "the only real atrocities are the ones that don't reflect badly on my political beliefs" -R

ahh, another normal-looking child actor falls victim to "growing-up-to-be-nic-cage" syndrome -R

I do quite like the "I'm not an expert, but <extremely expert opinion>" trope -R

the crackling of the metal detectors is totally wigging me out and it's entirely chernobyl's fault for ruining the geiger counter noise for me forever -R

Whoa wait is this sean bean? I totally wasn't paying attention to anyone but nic cage -R

if there's one thing I've learned it's that sean bean always turns evil or dies, probably both -R

no! bad cage! stop bleeding on the important historical artifacts! -R

somewhere between indiana jones's "it belongs in a museum" and nathan drake's "if I can climb on it I WILL climb on it and if it breaks IT BREAKS" philosophies is nic cage bleeding all over the important historical artifacts -R

"Albequerque!"
"Yeah, I can do it too. 'Snorkel'!"
I like this weedy smart guy who doesn't get the conspiracy theory word-association game the others are playing
-R

how many people in real life tried to steal the declaration of independence after this movie -R

well it took seventeen minutes but they've landed on "we have to steal the declaration of independence" -R

Sean Bean seems a little too invested in finding the money pile, my money's on a third act betrayal -R

Oh lol spoke too soon, he immediately pulled a gun on cage, so much for the third act -R

wow this escalated from "yaaaay solving mysteries!" to "TELL ME THE SECRET OR I SHOOT YOUR FRIEND" "THEN I'LL BLOW THE WHOLE BOAT UP AND US ALONG WITH IT" "TRY IT YOU FUCKER" in like a minute and a half -R

did this movie take all its plot timing cues from uncharted or was it the other way around -R

Fun adventuring section! -> Clue! -> BAD GUY BETRAYAL -> ENVIRONMENTAL DESTRUCTION SCENE -> THE GAME BEGINS -R

so it's not "we have to steal the declaration of independence", it's "we have to steal the declaration of independence BEFORE SEAN BEAN DOES" -R

Wow, funny sidekick man put a lot of stank on "you're not AMERICAN??" leave the lady doctor alone, immigrants get the job done~🎵 -R

okay this dialogue with the smart lady is hilarious - "it's a treasure map." "that's where we lost the FBI" "it's invisible" "that's where we lost the department of homeland security" -R

this movie just *clenches fist* loves america SO MUCH -R

Real talk, smart cinematography here - putting our heroes right by the seated Lincoln, mirroring his pose even, informing the audience of the moral rightness of their quest even as they discuss stealing the damn declaration of independence -R

this is very mission impossible -R

ah I've seen this movie, they're going to disassemble the declaration and reassemble it into individual stylish pieces of jewelry to wear out of the gala undetected -R

which of you guys told me this movie was bad -R

this movie has everything - a no-nonsense professional blond woman with a heart of gold, a nerdy hacker in a van full of computers, self-aware humor, nic cage in a tux, evil sean bean, AMERICA 🇱🇷 -R

can't believe you guys misled me, I wanted a BAD movie not a movie tailor-made for me specifically -R

Nic Cage has no idea how to talk to women in any cinematic universe, very on-brand -R

I do like the juxtaposition between cage and van-guy's very careful spy infiltration and sean bean just fucking blowing his way in through the sewers and tazing all the guards -R

aka the only two ways I ever played splinter cell -R

strangely enough, I always found this kind of heist movie to drag during the actual heisting. Don't know why it never worked for me, it just felt like empty tension. Still kinda getting that vibe tbh, but the quality's fine so it's probably a me problem -R

code red! somebody stole a three hundred year old piece of paper we are all very attached to despite the fact that its relevance was technically largely restricted to a war that ended hundreds of years ago! -R

Sean Bean totally kidnapped the no-nonsense lady doctor and now it's a high-speed van chase and I'm way more into it than the heisting -R

I love the lady's response to nic cage's "we had to steal it to protect it" was "That's DUMB! Give me that!" -R

It's totally awkward being the fbi guy who has to tell the investigator that they got a tip two days earlier that someone was gonna steal the declaration of independence -R

"You're the one who decided in like two seconds you had to steal the declaration of independence."
"Yes but I didn't think I was personally going to have to tell my dad about it!"
-R

This heist movie turned into tragic daddy-issues drama all of a sudden -R

cage's dad just disassembled the entire adventure game format by pointing out that the clues only ever lead to more clues instead of the actual treasure -R

okay by "you need heat to reveal the symbol" I did not expect "nic cage and blond doctor woman are going to simultaneously breathe on it in slow motion" -R

okay honestly the nerdy scientist guy is fucking hilarious and I kind of love how he's inexplicably the Team Kid to dr. blond's Team Mom and nic cage's Team Irresponsible Uncle -R

what's this? a nuanced female character with a canonical romantic history with several partners and a realistically developing relationship with the main character based on mutual interests instead of just being the Nearest Girl? color me pleasantly surprised! -R

the adventurer in me thinks this is super cool but the historical preservationist wants them to STOP MANHANDLING THE DECLARATION -R

nobody in this movie respects traffic laws and it is VERY distracting -R

"If you're not a steak you don't belong here."
"I'm just trying to hide from my ex-husband."
"Who, baldie? Honey, stay as long as you like."

Today: Nic Cage hits a man in the face with the declaration of independence -R

Another trope I always love is when a cool badass punches someone in the face and then yelps "ow!" because turns out skulls are kind of hard guys -R

stop RUNNING in TRAFFIC -R

oh yeah see? she got hit by a bike and dropped the declaration of independence in the middle of the road. this is why we look both ways when fleeing for our lives. -R

"Hello, Ben. How are you?"
"Um. Chained to a desk."
Fuck it, dry humor is the best humor. This movie's good.

-R

oh whoops I forgot the money pile was from mgs 3, not revengeance. got confused because they both had beefy theatrical antagonists -R

"Do you see Gates in the water?"
"Sir, it's the Hudson. Nothing is visible."

-R

this power trio is really good, solid characters, good chemistry. who authorized this kind of quality in my dumb meme movie -R

power move damseling cage's dad instead of the actual damsel -R

ah spoke too soon, they damseled everybody -R

remember that lara croft movie where daniel craig played the hot ancillary love interest? had a gratuitous shower scene, very obvious trope inversion? like that movie, this one is aware of its tropes and dances through them, subverting or highlighting them where most impactful -R

massive points for evil minion #3 saying "why does that never happen to me" when cage and dr. blond smooch -R

didn't clock riley as an "aliens built the pyramids" theorist -R

save the girl? or save the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE?? WHAT A SADISTIC CHOICE -R

"I'm sorry I dropped you! I had to save the declaration!"
"Don't be, I would've done exactly the same thing to you!"
"…Really?"
-R

sean bean is so EVIL but I love how they all got so used to the clues-to-more-clues cycle that he didn't even question when they sent him off to BOSTON on flimsy-ass evidence -R

wooooow the treasure room was eeeeeempty this is so shoooooocking -R

ah yes, when I am digging my secret treasure caves under major cities I always make sure the secret exit is only unlockable by a novelty pipe that is then buried in a ship under the arctic icepack -R

oh yay the real treasure was IN the secret exit tunnel, I guess everyone gets to go home rich after all -R

indy kicks in the door like "THIS ALL BELONGS IN A MUSEUM GET YOUR PAWS OFF THAT STATUE" -R

oh lol and the fbi guy was a freemason too -R

oh hey, it DOES belong in a museum! good job everybody -R

"And what about you?"
"I'd really love not to go to prison. I can't even begin to describe how much I would love not to go to prison."
-R

and inexplicably, sean bean survives - but he does go to prison so I guess that works -R

stop making out in front of riley, this sweet boy only cares about his sexy sports car -R

Well shit, this movie is really good. It's thoroughly stupid, extremely tropey and pure wish fulfillment, just how I like it. Many thumbs up. -R