Thread by @JayFarber

I'm gonna regale you with the greatest story I've ever heard:

"My brother was in prison for 9 years and told me he would microwave baby oil and put it on the floor of his cell except for the place he was standing. He'd then call out someone in the common area and when they came

running in they'd slip and slide and he, standing in the only dry spot, would just pummel them while they tried to gain traction."

"Probably 6 months after he got out I went out on a drive and took him with me and just let him talk about prison. He loved it but he's also prob

very mentally ill. Fights could break out due to "heart checks" which is where someone tries to punk you to see if you're an easy target or not. He would react by heating up the baby oil and then talking shit from his dry spot. He said eventually it got to the point where no one

would come in his cell if he was talking shit because they knew what was coming. Since they refused to engage in what was an almost guaranteed beating, they were seen as "bitches" and generally treated worse by the overall population. The only way to win was to enter the oildome

and get beaten up to show you weren't a "bitch".
We missed so many visitation days because he was always in solitary. It wasn't limited to the baby oil beatdowns. He was and is still pretty formidable even without a clear advantage.

Did anyone ever conquer the oil cell? "No, no one fucked with me in prison".

How did you bait people into the cell? "I talked shit and they'd come runnin'. I'd call them faggots or pussies and tell them to come get me".

Was it weird calling people faggots since you're an openly

gay man? "No. It was fucking prison."

How did you get people over and over? "You wanted to either catch one of the new guys who was acting tough, or wait long enough for someone to forget that you had done it to them before"

So people willingly entered your oil cell even after getting beat up in the same way? Why? "Because if they didn't come at me they'd be fuckin' losers and the rest of the guys would fuck with them."

Who taught you this? Or did you come up with it on your own? "It's just prison shit. Everyone did it."

And a shocking revelation...

You're telling me your whole cell block knew the oil gambit and did it to each other? "Yeah but I was really good at it."

Did you ever get oiled? "Yeah but he was naked and oiled himself up and I was naked so it was a fair fight."

Did you win? "Yeah."

</thread> If you made it this far, I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I did. All credit to 'Untrustable'