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Sat next to a woman on a plane who is done with church not because she is lazy or “spiritual but not religious“ but because a trusted pastor abused his power and hurt her and the system protected him while discarding her. It was hard for her hearing that I was a pastor. (1)
I could sense it and named it, which put her at ease slightly, but being #TraumaInformed I asked if she would prefer that I be re-seated or trade with someone else. Even the Directv feed with news was disregulating for her. All she sees is Xns disregarding the powerless. (2)
I checked in every so often. We talked a little. Thankfully she had tools to regulate. But I suspect she spent much of the flight doing the work of taking care of herself, which is sad and tragic. This is reality, folks. She’s not weak, not faking it. It’s not her job... (3)
... to come back to us. We, like Jesus, must go to her in her pain. Not disregard her. Not minimize this. But honor how a trusted pastor’s abuse and a colluding system made the church, of all places, the most unsafe place on earth for her. God help her, God help us. 💔 (end)
Brief afterword: someone messaged me asking: how could you have helped her or shared a better gospel with her? First, in some ways I think she was there to share a better and more beautiful gospel with me, to convert me.Who gets to say that she is broken and I am well? 👇
She was my teacher in that moment. Second, my task? To remained attuned to her. To honor her, even if that meant switching seats.Not to be some heroic/ godly empath, an unsolicited therapist.
Simply to attune and abide.
Simply to attune and abide.
