Thread by @AlexandraErin

We're seeing some more nuanced takes on desire/attraction and preferences these days.

One thing I want to stress: the big problem isn't transphobes not wanting to be attracted to trans women, it's trying to exclude us from spaces and identities based on their own preferences.

Scratch a terf saying "trans women are saying I have to sleep with them or I'm a bigot!" and you'll find a terf who is mad that a happily married trans woman called herself a lesbian, or the trans woman's cis partner said she herself is a lesbian.

Or she's mad that the local Dyke March or lesbian bar or lesbian singles' night is letting trans women in.

"I will never date a trans woman!" Fine, who wants to date you?

I might question your motives in *saying* it often and loudly. I might think it's worth your time to think about the why of it all, but it's your time and your thoughts, I can't do more than think about it.

But at the point where you're saying, "I would never date a trans woman because I'm a lesbian and anyone who would date a trans woman isn't a lesbian and therefore trans women coming into a lesbian dating event are invaders trying to force ME to date them"... it's beyond you.

You have a right to make your own decisions about romance and sex. Absolutely.

You don't have the right to make that decision for everyone else. Or anyone else.

Trying to outsource enforcement of your preferences to the rest of the world? That's unquestionably bigoted.