It parallels the idea that niceness/acknowledgment/friendship are coins men put in the sex machine. (1/x)
It's, as someone put it pithily, like expecting a car you buy to come with wheels.
Put basic niceness in, or a compliment, or dinner, and sex comes out.
It comes up whenever there's a Black church/mosque/synagogue shooting.
It's a stunted, mechanistic view of human nature to assume that an apology necessitates forgiveness.
There isn't a Nice Girl archetype to parallel the Nice Guy one--the idea that if a woman listens to a man tell her he's had a bad day, he's obligated to have sex if she wants
To refuse to forgive in these circumstances--to insist on full consequences, to deny a return to smooth normalcy--is, in a way, to insist on equality.
But it's wrong to treat forgiveness as an expected norm.
if I listen to them and am nice to them, they will have sex with me
if I apologize to them, they will forgive
--is to treat others as automatons, who operate by relatively simple code.
Like, sometimes, you just need your coworker to get you a copy of a document.
Forgetting--acting as if it never happened--might be necessary to function, or in the case where someone wasn't in control of themselves, might be deserved.
It is always a gift.
You can reap all those benefits by moving on without forgiving.
That's different from forgiving.
It is never obligated, it should never be expected, and it is never the Right And Proper Thing To Do.
It's something way beyond that. And only in taking it off the table of normal/expected outcomes are we treating those harmed with full respect.