DO NOT EAT CONKERS
Hello everyone. Yesterday we made a mistake. Now we're trying to put things right.
Long story short: PLEASE DO NOT EAT OR MILK CONKERS
Hello everyone. Yesterday we made a mistake. Now we're trying to put things right.
Long story short: PLEASE DO NOT EAT OR MILK CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
The product featured in this advert is not real.
PLEASE DO NOT EAT OR MILK CONKERS
The product featured in this advert is not real.
PLEASE DO NOT EAT OR MILK CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
Not sure we can be any clearer about this.
Not sure we can be any clearer about this.
We know what you should NOT do with them.
DO NOT EAT CONKERS.
If you are oven cooking your conkers to harden them ahead of a conker battle, leave them in for 90 seconds on 250°C.
If you are oven cooking your conkers with the intention of eating them then DO NOT DO THAT.
DO NOT EAT CONKERS.
If you are oven cooking your conkers to harden them ahead of a conker battle, leave them in for 90 seconds on 250°C.
If you are oven cooking your conkers with the intention of eating them then DO NOT DO THAT.
DO NOT EAT CONKERS.
Don't ask us. We might now be the Conker Police, but we're not Yellow Snow Patrol.
DO NOT EAT CONKERS. DO NOT SUCK ON CONKERS. IT WILL SAVE AN AWFUL LOT OF TROUBLE IF YOU JUST DO NOT PUT CONKERS IN YOUR MOUTH FULL STOP.
Sorry Owen, we won't mince our words so much next time.
(DO NOT MINCE CONKERS.)
(DO NOT MINCE CONKERS.)
DO: listen to Jane.
DO NOT: eat conkers.
DO NOT: eat conkers.
This isn't a reverse psychology thing, Simon. This is a health & safety thing, mixed with a crisis management thing, topped off with a dash of an eating humble pie thing.
Okay look, no one eat anything until this whole thing blows over.
Bad things.
DO NOT EAT CONKERS.
DO NOT MILK CONKERS.
DO NOT OPEN PORTALS TO OTHER DIMENSIONS.
DO NOT MILK CONKERS.
DO NOT OPEN PORTALS TO OTHER DIMENSIONS.
Your eyes gently ease open.
"Ah Saturday," you sigh happily. "Two whole days of beautiful nothingness.
What to have for breakfast? Granola? Melon? Avocado on toast?
"I fancy something different," you think. "What about...conkers?"
NO. DO NOT HAVE CONKERS FOR BREAKFAST.
"Ah Saturday," you sigh happily. "Two whole days of beautiful nothingness.
What to have for breakfast? Granola? Melon? Avocado on toast?
"I fancy something different," you think. "What about...conkers?"
NO. DO NOT HAVE CONKERS FOR BREAKFAST.
We honestly don't know, but let's just say no. Have some chips. Nice, safe chips. Chips never hurt anyone.
Thank you for contacting the innocent department of deciding whether or not something is okay to eat. We are pleased to report Toberlone's are both safe and tasty. They can also double up as a makeshift toast rack in an emergency.
Chris gets it. Chris can read between the lines. Chris could solve a cryptic crossword with his eyes shut.
No it does not. But it is an acrostic poem
C AN YOU NOT EAT CONKERS PLEASE
O H PLEASE DON'T EAT CONKERS
N O, DO NOT EAT CONKERS
K ITCHENS ARE NO PLACE FOR CONKERS
E ATING CONKERS = BAD
R EPEAT AFTER US: DON'T EAT CONKERS
S TRICTLY NO CONKER EATING ALLOWED
C AN YOU NOT EAT CONKERS PLEASE
O H PLEASE DON'T EAT CONKERS
N O, DO NOT EAT CONKERS
K ITCHENS ARE NO PLACE FOR CONKERS
E ATING CONKERS = BAD
R EPEAT AFTER US: DON'T EAT CONKERS
S TRICTLY NO CONKER EATING ALLOWED
Thank you to everyone who has pointed out the very real dangers posed by the rather ambiguous "🌰" emoji sitting in the "Food" category.
Fear not, we're on the case.
Fear not, we're on the case.
WE CAN'T TAKE THAT RISK.
Our previously lax stance towards different varieties of chestnut is what got us in this mess in the first place, but we've turned over a new leaf.
DO NOT EAT OUR NEW LEAF.
DO NOT EAT OUR NEW LEAF.
It's Saturday night. You're relaxing on the sofa, how it should be. You don't fancy cooking tonight. You haven't had takeaway in ages. Time to treat yourself.
What should you order? Conkers?
NO. DO NOT ORDER CONKERS AS A TAKEAWAY. ORDER PIZZA OR CURRY OR SOMETHING.
What should you order? Conkers?
NO. DO NOT ORDER CONKERS AS A TAKEAWAY. ORDER PIZZA OR CURRY OR SOMETHING.
Ah, this is it. Sunday lunch. The one time in the week the whole family are together. You've pulled out all the stops today. Herby things, hearty things, crispy things - this Sunday roast has got the lot. You know what it hasn't got? Conkers.
DO NOT EAT CONKERS.
DO NOT EAT CONKERS.
Someone's left this on our desk. What moron would be so irresponsible to suggest having conkers for breakfast?
Us:
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
You:
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
DO NOT EAT CONKERS
You:
Oh yeah, sure, focus on the part where we made a really embarrassing mistake and not the part about how our dairy free range is really tasty and doesn't contain conkers. Typical. foodanddrink.scotsman.com/drink/innocent…
Prevent People Eating Conkers, Attempt #467
[Googles "Buckeyes"]
Oh no.
Oh no.
This is it. You're in the Bake Off semi-final. You're one step from baking history. All those days in the kitchen. All those hours struggling to clean your whisk. It comes down to this. What are you going to bake? Cake? Pastry? Biscuits? Conkers?
NO. DO NOT BAKE CONKERS. #GBBO
NO. DO NOT BAKE CONKERS. #GBBO
