Honestly, folks are acting real obtuse on this subject. Sex for boys is looked at as a part of life. So many “coming if age movies” are about boys tryna screw. It’s a part of life for boys, so much so that many of them lie about being virgins bcuz losing your virginity...
...having sex (no matter who it is/no matter if their partner was also satisfied) is pushed on them. Something must be wrong or you’re a herb if you haven’t by a certain age. It’s all braggadocio & bullshit lol and I’m totally generalizing but I think we can all agree it’s diff.
Even when our boys are young, I cannot tell you how many times ppl have said to me how my son is gonna be a “heartbreaker”. “The girls are gonna love him” “he’s so handsome he’s gonna get a lot of attention”. It is just KNOWN that that attention equals opportunity. Nevermind...
...who he’ll be or what he wants. Society is setting the rules for him already and those rules are supposed to be okay. Cute even. Asking 5/6yr old boys “you got a girlfriend” is supposed to be normal. Adorable. Cause why wouldn’t he be interested in girls...in kindergarten? Smh
And we all know for girls it’s the complete opposite. I’m talking in Cis-Hetero norms becuz we know damn well adding any kind of queerness into the convo & ya’ll lose your damn minds. But for girls, if she’s interested in boys in kindergarten, she’s “fast” “gotta watch her”...
Nevermind that the norm is for young boys to like girls, but what you’re saying is, it doesn’t matter how the girl feels about YOU. Like her, claim her, het opinion doesn’t matter & we know that cause we discourage girls from liking boys. None of this makes any sense btw
So girls who show ANY attraction to boys are immediately looked at as “fast” “untrustworthy” “need to be watched” and all that. That article that says Black girls are viewed as more grown, in less need of protection starting at age 5, yeah that’s not just white ppl feeling...
...that way. washingtonpost.com/news/parenting…
As a former teen Black girl (who had a lot of access), to the aunt of teen girls & the mom of a soon to be teen Black girl & Black boy, I think it’s fair to say it’s not like we WANT our kids having sex. But that’s not bcuz sex is “wrong”, but we know a lot of responsibility...
...comes with it. It’s that fear a parent has of letting them drive, going out with their friends w/o you for the first time, just...being out in the world, alone. That’s scary. And ofcourse you’re hoping everyone is safe & there’s consent. There’s a lot 2b scared about. But...
...that’s why “the sex talk” just like “the police talk” & “the racism/homobophia/sexism/transphobia/ableism” talks have to be ongoing. Start early & expand the convos as they get older. I’ve learned a lot about giving kid’s agency & letting them know about consent, early on...
...#OnHere. The Holidays are coming up. If they don’t wanna kiss Auntie such & such or hug Uncle washis name, guess what? They don’t have to. Boom. Consent. How you feel matters espc when it comes to giving others access to it. And they know Mommy/Daddy listens to them &...
...hears them AND will make sure their wishes are respected. Saying all that to say, assuming things are safe, on a level pmaying field & what your child wants, when they chose to have sex is not the point. Holding on to virginity is not the point. Again, if things are on...
...a level playing field (around the same age), if there’s consent & it’s what your child wants, that’s...really the best case scenario? It’s also none of your business. What IS your business is have you given them the life tools?
Also, active present parents make mistakes all the time. Mine did & I have & will continue to. But I want to learn & be better than I was yesterday. Listen to your kids. When they hittin 16/17...the foundation is pretty much there. Do mistakes happen, sure! But you should...
...have a pretty good feeling about who your kid is. This “preaching virginity” on your daughter’s shit is for the birds. It’s antiquated misogynistic. Ya’ll know it. Do we want our kids to be safe? Yes but is it really smart to send your kids off to college or into the world...
...not knowin nothin about nothin??? You wanna send your daughter out into the world with NO idea how to deal with/handle relationships with these dusty ass boys?? You want your son to go out in the world not knowing what consent is and that it is NECESSARY for his own safety??
