I studied role models to understand how they managed to find love, especially paying attention to @richardbranson
It is easy to be singularly-focused and seem selfish. Your business can seem all-consuming. You drop so many balls trying to juggle them.
For 3 days I turned down every invitation to eat breakfast, dinner or play board games with my parents.
I was focused.
I felt that he didn’t understand how important this was so I complained that it wasn’t fair (we’ve all been there right?).
As a 19 year-old university graduate, I was convinced that I had some sense so I explained that I was t actually “dropping” a single ball, just putting them on the shelf to come back to later.
My parents never had to ask twice again and still do not have to.
However, I did not apply that to my other relationships 😔
He left out the part where you ask the other person what they need from you and you figure out if you will be able to provide it too.
Relationships are 2-way.
I had some VERY restricting rules because I KNEW that Jamaica would factor heavily in my life as well as being very public so my wife would have to be comfortable with these things.
The fact that she played Halo 2, had a Nintendo GameCube before me and danced real well got me interested. Her parents being awesome sealed the deal.
Knowing the destination allowed us both to understand what was at stake
A few years later, something that happened to an entrepreneur friend of mine that opened my eyes: He had sold a company for US$200 million before age 35 and we celebrated at a dinner.
I made the comment that he should be so happy with his share.
He laughed and then stopped smiling. Then he said something that was seared into my brain that day:
“I am actually jealous of you David.”
I was confused.
He would go home to an empty house then tomorrow, it would be in the papers, never allowing him to know if a woman loved him for him
R. City ft. Adam Levine - Locked Away -
If I couldn’t be strong
Tell me honestly
Would you still love me the same
If I couldn’t buy you the fancy things in life
Shorty would it be alright
Tell me would you die for me
Would you spend your whole life with me
Would you be there to always hold me down
Tell me would you really cry for me
Baby don’t lie to me
If I didn’t have anything I want to know would you stick around
It’s about solving the problem, not just the money.
Omi - Cheerleader -
It is very hard to put family first when you are super ambitious and know your why.
It can feel that way. We entrepreneurs justify it, like everything else, that it’s temporary, for the fam.
It also means that they can convince themselves of almost anything, including the rightness of their approach to relationships.
It often takes something major happening to wake us up to the fact that we are going down the wrong road and losing sight of what actually matters.
Chris said “your presence matters more than presents”
I need to reassess and tried.
That was not enough.
Still not enough.
I flew down to shoot BTS footage for my good friend @PaulCBrunson in Jamaica for his event and we did a 1 hour breakfast intervention where he helped me, all on camera (he has the footage).
He did a video for my wife too.
That was January 30 and I felt renewed,finally ready to try harder.
Then it happened...
It was serious enough that I was told to pray, to make sure things were in place and to call both my wife and the executor of my estate, my brother.
We were in shock.
1. Did I make the right choice to marry this person? Did I do right by her all this time? Are these the ideal memories she would be left with?
Yes, I now know not to do that.
Was that the only memories that I’d leave him with? Mean daddy?
She still cried when I tried to pick her up. She didn’t know me.
Would she only know me from videos on YouTube? Sigh.
He asked me to promise that he goes first and that I wake up. I promised him, knowing full well that it was out of my hands.
I’m used to having control but now I did not.
I could have done much more but did not. I now regretted not going harder.
Just give me a second chance to see my wife, kids, parents, brother, etc.
I said that my brother knew how to invest the life insurance money so that they would be fine
I was so focused on their material needs that I didn’t even thou k about their emotional needs.
It took this experience to finally open my eyes.
Cezar- Keep On -
Magic! - How do you want to be remembered -
My parents were standing and holding my hand while praying.
It was 1:30am. Surgery was longer than planned but successful.
I was told it would be 2 weeks in bed, 6 weeks at home and 12 MONTHS to recover.
How could I sit still and manage that? The 5 days were so tough.
My parents spent 3 days and nights with me. They wiped me down, kept me company and when I could finally move, they help me sit-up.
Days later I could finally stand and shower with help. It was mom
My wife broke down crying. We were like...
“David,for the last year I felt that I had fallen out of love with you but this happening has made me realize that I still deeply love and care for you. We need to fix this.”
5 hours of uninterrupted talking followed 🤯
I had it all wrong up until 38. Don’t make my mistake.
I should have been making time for my family but instead I made time for my business and for inspiring others. I dropped the ball as a husband and a father.
Not a single dry eye in the room. But 2 things happened:
1. The next speaker pulled me aside and said that he would help me and I would see why
2. A gentleman stood up and said the following:
We should give him MORE money.”
The room applauded 😱
His wife and daughter sat beside him and spoke too. Their therapist was the moderator.
It sounded so familiar.
He sent me a workbook and his presentation.
“The success of your business cannot be more important than the success of your family,”
Turns out that highly ambitious people trying to build generational wealth and running their own firms go through this.
My priorities have to be reordered after 23 years. That takes time. I will fall off this new bicycle because it is different but I am committed to learn to ride it.
You, entrepreneur, have to do the same.
But I still keep asking why this happened to mewheniwas so fit. We don’t talk about mental health enough. I see someone for that.
If you are the entrepreneur...get with the program!
We would rather lose our family than make the hard choice to stabilize the home. We don’t want to slow down out of fear of missing a window.
In June, my wife gave me an ultimatum: You are out of money so sort it out by end of month or get a 9-5.
That’s when I made the call I had avoided making all these years. I setup a meeting with @Michael_LeeChin
“How many people in the world can make one phone call and get a meeting with a billionaire?”
“I never thought about that dad.”
“Why are you rich yet?”
Because I didn’t have the right vehicle, team and focus. Now I did.
He spent an hour helping, especially asking how he could help and getting more ideas from me. That is how the video came about. But he did more
“What did you tell him?”
I told him that it would be the most important meeting in my 38 years on this planet.
Mike held his head and said “Wow.”
The final time he asked me how else he could help after we had a list of some 10 things and had just talked about frustration and not constantly giving up and starting over, I told him about my marriage stress.
“David, you don’t want to keep starting over”
He made a commitment to me that day that will be revealed one day but not yet.
He checks in almost every week to see how I am doing, I made the mistake of answering about business and he said he meant “you, you”
They must care about you more than the business. A happy and healthy you is good for the business. A sad and frustrated you is really bad for a startup or small business.
Make time for what and who matters.
We don’t need to do that. It’s not even healthy.
This shit is hard and we aren’t perfect. You are not alone. Build a support system.
Otherwise go marry the 9-5 employee person.
Extraordinary outcomes require extraordinary sacrifice. Help your entrepreneur learn to prioritize.
Help them think about how they want to be remembered by specific people if they were rushed to hospital next week.
Mariah Carey - Hero -