We all know that it's OK to have a messy house - but we keep repeating this reminder to one another (I just did it yesterday!) as if it's a big revelation.
We need the reminders...
I never judge my husband for the house's mess.
I don't drink, I don't party, I barely even have hobbies because I am so busy. I am the literal opposite of lazy.
And so I applaud myself, in some ways, for my mess.
But inherent in that praise is also judgment of moms who are neat and orderly.
As if they are bending to society's will or have OCD (don't get me started on that one!) or buy into an anti-feminist myth.
Lots of people enjoy cleaning and organizing. They love things being neat and tidy.
It's not a mental illness (and even if it were, why would we judge that so harshly?). It's just one of the many (gorgeous) differences between women - between moms.
I'm a mess, I wear men's clothes that don't fit right, my hair is dirty.
We are both good moms, worthy humans.
Moms are such assholes to one another! Like, it's scary. We judge EVERYTHING that isn't our business. And the reason for that is because we want everyone to be exactly like us.
I'm certain this is rooted in the patriarchy, but it's something that we - as women - need to change. We are damaging ourselves and one another.
Every mom you know is beating herself up about something.
The mom I look at with wonderment, the one who excels at all the things I suck at: packing lunches, keeping house, helping her kids get As, looks at me and wonders how I do all that I do.
Honestly!
I think if we stopped seeing mother/womanhood as a "lifestyle" and started seeing it simply as our LIVES, we might feel better.
Lifestyle is a brand. Life is breathing and being and loving and failing without needing to assign value to everything we do.
We will no longer buy into the capitalist system that tells us there's just this one way to be, and that this one book or product will help us achieve that.
So I don't know if it's possible.
We'd have to de-value what men think of us - or of other women.
That'd be tough because it would require unlearning a lifetime of toxic lessons. But I think it's possible.